Pose the
question, “Who is the best rapper from Harlem?”, and you’re likely to get
several different responses. A younger hip hop head may bring A$AP Rocky into
the conversation, or you may run into a fan of Dave East or Smoke DZA. The
older demographic may spit out the late Big L’s name automatically, as though
they had been waiting their entire life to answer your query, or, just to be
subversive, they may throw Cam’Ron into the mix. Someone could throw
Azealia Banks’ name into the conversation and honestly mean it. If you manage
to get some actual rap artists to participate, you may hears responses as
varied as Ma$e, Doug E. Fresh, or Kurtis Blow. You may get a smart-ass who’ll
name-drop 2Pac on a technicality. Just know that anyone responding with Herb McGruff
is trolling you and doesn’t deserve your attention.
Alter your
question to read “Spanish Harlem”, however, and you’ll likely only get one
answer: Robert “Black Rob” Ross.
Black Rob has always been one of Puff Daddy's saddest acquisitions. Not because he's a terrible rapper or anything: far from it. In fact, his Bad Boy Records debut, Life Story, is actually one of the label's finest and most consistent works, at least according to this thing I wrote way back in 2009. But Puffy signed him simply for the instant street cred having a dude like Black Robert on your label offers: he never had any real clue what to do with the motherfucker. Mainstream audiences wouldn't flock to his matter-of-fact gruff tones and street tales, and underground heads couldn't wrap their, um, heads around the fact that he signed with Puff and not with, say, his friend Dan "The Automator" Nakamura's then-label, 75 Ark. But Puffy isn't a quitter, at least until he quits, so he tried to market his product with a radio-friendly single called "Whoa!".
(By the way, when in the fuck did people start spelling "whoa" as "woah"? Is it a generational thing? Because whenever I encounter the second spelling, I always read the word in my mind as "woe-a". Anyway, sorry, I'm getting off track.)
"Whoa!" was Black Rob's only hit single, and even with its repetitive nature (the titular word is chanted at the end of nearly every bar, and not always to describe something surprising happening to the narrator, as our host helpfully explains during the intro what exactly is "whoa"), it still manages to sound good today. Aside from the gimmick, Rob does his best to weave together remnants of his life into a cohesive rap song, and most importantly, he actually sounds good doing so. As such, this is one of Bad Boy's hits that I can't ever really be mad at. The instrumental, provided by DIggin' In The Crates member Buckwild, certainly helps in this regard: he loops a string sample atop some stomping drums that open the track up to a club setting, even though it can also be enjoyed while driving alone in your car. Besides, it's catchy as shit. To this day, I still occasionally pepper my conversations with "like whoa" at the end of my sentences, all to the dismay of my wife, who has to keep telling me to live in the now.
I've included the official video for posterity's sake, if only because it features some of the goofiest dancing I've seen, and, shockingly, I'm not referring to Puffy's.
Naturally, the popularity of "Whoa!" led to a remix, or else I wouldn't be writing about it as a part of this series. Never one to pass up an obvious marketing opportunity, Puff Daddy stacks the deck by inviting some fairly big names to spit over the same Buckwild instrumental (albeit with some new sonic interference) as our host, and by "big", I mean he gainfully employed the late Notorious B.I.G.'s Junior M.A.F.I.A. lackey Lil Cease to spit a verse, because I assume Biggie left Cease-A-Leo in Sean Combs's care in his last will and testament. To be fair, the remix also features Flipmode Squad's Rah Digga (an inspired choice) and Da Brat (yep, there are two wholly unrelated female rappers on this motherfucker, which actually makes Puffy seem to be fairly progressive, right?), along with Rob's fellow Bad Boy coworker-slash-convicted murdered-slash-former Gang Starr Foundation member G-Dep. The name that most of you two would probably give the most shit about, though, is Beanie Sigel, who makes an appearance during a time when he was busy trying to establish his own solo identity among his mates at Roc-A-Fella Records.
As expected, every guest adopts Black Robert's gimmick. with varying degrees of success: Cease, by far, turns in the worst cameo, spitting some reprehensible (to the senses, not to society or anything) bars about boning and then, inexplicably, killing, hopefully not the person he was just fucking. Da Brat had already worn out her welcome in hip hop at this point, but she isn't awful, and G-Dep sounds about as good as you could imagine if you remember anything about the dude from before this post. Aside from Rob, who had damn well better sound good on his own motherfucking song, Rah Digga and Sigel handle Buckwild's beat the best, which probably doesn't surprise anyone in the least.
What did surprise me is how Puffy, a man who can't leave well enough alone, actually commissioned a second official remix for "Whoa!". He titled it the "All-Star Remix", even though it doesn't feature any actual stars, and it appears on the same twelve-inch single as the other "Whoa!" redo, at least according to Discogs. I couldn't find the "All-Star Remix" version anywhere online. Not that it matters, though: Puffy had also combined the two remixes, which I just realized is the version I was most familiar with anyway.
After some explanabragging from Puffy himself, who wasn't going to miss the chance to appear on someone else's song even though he had nothing to do with its production, the final three guests of the evening (the "All-Stars", if you will) come out to play. This remix to "Whoa!" is notable for featuring the debut verses of two well-known-ish names: North Carolina resident Petey Pablo, dropping bars well before he ever took off his t-shirt and waved it around like a loon helicopter, and resident Biggie impersonator Shyne, who Puff had just signed because, well, come the fuck on. Neither man turns in a decent-sounding verse, but for historical purposes, you'll want to listen to this version if you ever cared about either of those motherfuckers.
Producer Deric "D-Dot" Angelettie, who also had nothing to do with the production side of this remix, takes to the microphone in his persona as The Madd Rapper to close things out on this overlong affair. At least he brings a sense of humor to the table: even though his bars are annoying to listen to thanks to his higher pitch, he gets how silly this entire affair is, unlike Shyne and Pablo, who deliver too-serious bars that nobody will give a shit about. As much as I like the beat, there is such thing as too much of a good thing. Well, at least Craig Mack isn't on this one.
GO WITH THE O.G. OR THE REMIX? There are some entertaining aspects to the remix, I guess, but I would go with the original all day. Nostalgia is a motherfucker, but "Whoa!" was supposed to be a showcase for Black Rob, and he could have done much worse than to be saddled with such a catchy-ass instrumental.
Robert Ross, who goes by the awfully creative moniker Black Rob, is a rapper who was, and may still be (for all I know), signed to Puff Daddy's Bad Boy Records. He made his official debut on a remix to 112's "Come See Me" ( Puffy clearly loved commanding that all of his rappers spit a verse alongside a male R&B quartet (that could actually sing), because there is nothing more hardcore than that shit). He followed that up with appearances on CRU's Da Dirty 30, Puffy's own No Way Out, Ma$e's Harlem World, the soundtrack to Chris Tucker's Money Talks (he co-starred on a song with Puffy entitled "No Way Out", which, I'm assuming, was left over from the No Way Out recording sessions), and The Notorious B.I.G.'s posthumous Born Again. Sadly, even though Biggie himself allegedly co-signed young Robbie's talents and convinced Puffy to give him a shot, he passed away before Rob ever got the opportunity to record with the man.
After a handful of singles that were met with mild success, Black Rob hit the jackpot with the radio-friendly "Whoa!", which was custom-made for mass consumption. His debut album, Life Story, soon followed. Thanks to the media hype machine that is Puff Daddy, Life Story sold over one million copies in less than six months, a tremendous feat when you consider that Bobby wasn't as marketable as, say, Ma$e, and that his album was littered with crime stories and beats that were better suited for dramatic reenactments than for the club. But then again, Puffy helped The Lox sell well over a million units, too, although it took them much longer, as they had nothing as catchy as "Whoa!" on their album.
Some of you two may question the validity of a write-up featuring an artist in Puffy's stable. Biggie Smalls aside, Puff Daddy has essentially proven that he has a tin ear when it comes to signing rap artists. Most hip hop fanatics are prone to an automatic dismissal of any album that Bad Boy releases, because they fear that their preconceived notions of the product will ring true. And yes, that would actually happen for the majority of Bad Boy's artists, especially if you tried to actually listen to something from Yung Joc, Gorilla Zoe, Danity Kane, or Day 26 (or even Diddy himself: has anybody heard that "Angels" song where he sings (sings!) via Auto-Tune over a beat jacked from Jay-Z's "Where I'm From"?). I try not to walk into a room with preconceived notions myself, and I oftentimes fail when it comes to Puffy, but there is one reason why Black Rob deserves a second look.
You ready for it? Okay, here goes.
Dan "The Automator" Nakamura.
Six years prior to signing with Bad Boy Records, Robert Ross was a struggling artist who recorded an entire demo album with the then-unknown San Francisco-based deejay The Automator. To date, the majority of these songs have never seen the light of day. Dan leaked one himself, "Smoothness", on his mixtape Wanna Buy A Monkey?, and it's astonishing to hear how much differently Rob sounds when the beat behind him isn't as glossy as a fashion magazine. (By the way, it goes without saying that, if any of you happen to have some more of these buried treasures, please hit me up at my e-mail in the top right.) The Automator, of course, would go on to producing critical darlings such as Dr. Octagonecologyst, Deltron 3030, and the first Gorillaz album (and has become one of my favorite producers), but hearing him rave about the Black Rob songs he recorded forced me to take a second look at Life Story, an album that I didn't like much when it dropped. While Dan Nakamura had no input on Life Story itself (and, apparently, doesn't even warrant a mention in Rob's thank-you section), the fact that he believed in Robbie's abilities as an artist made me want to revisit the project, with sunglasses on so as to avoid the shiny suits that sporadically pop up.
Let's see what we have here.
1. MRS. BARRY (INTRO) Unnecessary. Although it is possibly worth noting that Petey Pablo, a longtime associate of Robert's, holds a co-production credit on here, and this was about a year before he started spinning t-shirts over his head.
2. LIFE STORY (FEAT CHERYL PEPSI RILEY & RAQUEL) Black Rob's lyrical delivery is the closest to the aesthetic of The Notorious B.I.G. that Puffy would ever find (at least until he signed Shyne, I suppose). Nashiem Myrick's instrumental facilitates Robbie's probably-semi-autobiographical-or-at-least-he's-a-good-listener tales, which are paired up with at least one kind-of shocking image: Rob forgiving his mother for once telling him, out of anger (I'm just guessing here), that he should have been aborted (or "flushed", as he puts it). This actually wasn't bad.
3. WHOA! This song was overtly gimmicky at a time when gimmicks were all the rage in hip hop. Over a string-driven Buckwild beat, Black Rob punctuates his every thought with "Whoa!", not unlike how normal people may use an exclamation point to approximate excitement. This track is corny as shit, but I'll be honest: I really like this song. Always have. And it sounds as good today as it did back then (which, I admit, isn't saying a whole lot). I never cared much for the all-star remix, though, which featured every single semi-popular rapper at the time (and also an early appearance by Petey Pablo), but this original track still works for me.
4. DRIVE BY (INTERLUDE) ...
5. LOOKIN' AT US (FEAT CEE-LO) The hook on here, which is a bit too wordy, seems to have informed a great deal of Joe Budden's style, but I won't hold that fact against either Rob of special guest star Cee-Lo. Robbie has quickly established that he is comfortable with these dramatic instrumentals, but can also alternate to radio-friendly as needed, which is, if nothing else, a very profitable quality. Cee-Lo sounds both ill-advised and fascinating, proving, yet again, why he is the Goodie Mob member with the successful solo career.
6. DOWN THE LINE JOINT (FEAT G-DEP, MA$E, MARK CURRY, & PUFF DADDY) To the shock of absolutely nobody, Puff Daddy sounds rather fucking terrible during his lead-off verse. The man sounds barely better spitting the written word than Oprah. Black Robert could have commissioned a cameo from MC Skat Kat with better results. Yogi (the guy from the apparently defunct rap group CRU) provides an instrumental that is frustrating to listen to: the fake scratching only seems to peel a coat of paint off of your level of patience. Also, Pastor Ma$e provides an embarrassing performance on this Bad Boy posse cut. Had he still been around at the time, I'm certain that Biggie Smalls himself would have found a valid reason to not appear on this crap.
7. ESPACIO (FEAT LIL' KIM & G-DEP) I wasn't seriously thinking that Puff Daddy would have unleashed an album on Bad Boy Records without trying to piss off the hip hop audience by including really shitty, overproduced crossover attempts, but I still had my fingers crossed. Regardless, this song is awful, but I'm sure you two had already figured that shit out when you read that Lil' Kim was one of the featured players. Alas, Robbie's half-hearted attempt to teach the listener Spanish during the chorus will never be heard, nor should it ever be.
8. YOU DON'T KNOW ME (FEAT JOE HOOKER) I don't remember if this was the first single from Life Story, or if it was "I Dare You": for all intents and purposes, they're both the exact same song, aside from the fact that Joe Hooker's beat on here is much more cinematic in scope. Hooker, or Bad Boy president (and A&R for Life Story, and I understand he would occasionally bring in donuts, too) Harve Pierre, provides vocals that are best known for the fact that the man seems to not be able to actually sing, but the conviction in his performance cannot be denied. Black Rob should exclusively tell his crime stories over beats such as this. Fuck, Black Rob should exclusively read his grocery shopping lists over beats such as this.
9. CAN I LIVE (FEAT THE LOX) Black Bob borrows the title from a well-known Jay-Z song for his collaboration with all three members of The Lox, who I had forgotten were still signed to Bad Boy when Life Story dropped. Over a D-Dot instrumental that sounds left over from Puffy's No Way Out, Jadakiss, Styles P., Sheek, and Robert all spit some fairly entertaining shit. Robbie is the weakest link on here, but that's only because of how good The Lox sound when they're all together. This was a pleasant surprise.
10. CHAMPIONSHIP (INTERLUDE) ...
11. PD WORLD TOUR (FEAT PUFF DADDY) Black Rob may be an underrated rhyme spitter (at least he might have been considered as such back in the late 1990s), but he isn't good enough to warrant the unfair comparison he brings upon himself by shouting "Protect Ya Neck!" during the second chorus. Oddly, Puffy sounds like a much better rapper over this simplistic instrumental (credited to both D-Dot and Charlemagne), but that statement only draws attention to the fact that this song sucks. I mean, seriously? Puffy absolutely had to put his rap name initials in the title of the fucking song? How pretentious is that?
12. MUSCLE GAME (FEAT MARK CURRY & MARIO WINANS) Meh.
13. COP SKIT (INTERLUDE) ...
14. B.R. (FEAT G-DEP) Not to be outdone by his boss, Black Robbie titles a song after his own rap name initials. This track is calm enough to lull you into a false sense of security, but it's still threatening enough that you'll give up the spider hole that your man who robbed that dice game last Tuesday has been staying at, and you'll actually believe that snitching was a really good idea. It is kind of weird that another rapper appears on a song that was clearly named after our host, but it's not as if that's an unprecedented move.
15. THUG STORY Black Rob takes a bad idea (jacking the beat and overall theme from Slick Rick's classic "Children's Story") and turns in such a pitiful performance, one which isn't consistent with the rest of Life Story, that I'm convinced this was all Puffy's idea, and I'll give the artist a pass. However, after this shit, any further missteps fall on his own shoulders.
16. JASMINE (FEAT CARL THOMAS) This song was alright, I suppose, but it runs much longer that it has any right to, considering the fact that the track, which deliberately and methodically takes its time in establishing the mood, setting, and pace, suddenly ends midway through the chorus. Not the most memorable tale Bob has spilled, but the beat (which took three people to create, apparently: D-Dot, Nashiem Myrick, and Carlos "Six July" Brody) was peaceful, so that counts for something.
17. MAD RAPPER (INTERLUDE) These interludes aren't funny anymore. Also, it's spelled "Madd" when referring to D-Dot's disgruntled rapper, Bad Boy marketing department. Maybe you should do a bit more research next time.
18. I LOVE YOU BABY (FEAT PUFF DADDY) I've always felt that this was one of the best songs from Puff Daddy's No Way Out, so even though it sounds entirely out of place on Life Story (not to mention dated as hell), I still welcome this exemplary track. Proof positive that not everything Diddy touches turns into horseshit. This was always more of a Black Rob song anyway, so its inclusion kind of makes sense. This shit still sounds really good today, and it helps the listener forgive the atrocities that will take place on the very next track.
19. SPANISH FLY (FEAT JENNIFER LOPEZ) If I were Madonna, I would beat the shit out of J-Lo for blatantly swiping her "La Isla Bonita" hook, a vastly superior track, for the hook. I realize that radio-friendly piffle is Puffy's bread and butter (that, and sampling songs from the 1980s, and usually not the good ones), and Selena's Jennifer Lopez only appears because she was contractually obligated to as Puffy's girlfriend of the moment (obviously, this was recorded prior to the club shootout that got Shyne locked in the bing), but I've already used too many words to make the following statement: what the fuck is this shit?
20. RISE UP (INTERLUDE) ...
21. I DARE YOU (FEAT JOE HOOKER) I first heard this song on the soundtrack to Slam, and I have a feeling that its inclusion on Life Story is that of an unofficial bonus track, but this is still very similar in feel to "You Don't Know Me", right down to Joe Hooker's vocals. Younglord's beat (which uses a sample that was also used for the original version of Big Punisher's "The Dream Shatterer") paces Black Bobby's congratulatory run up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art (although he's a New York-based artist). And with that, Life Story is now closed.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Life Story is surprisingly consistent today, and I only use the word "surprisingly" because I didn't care much for it upon its original release. Puff Daddy smartly constructs the project around the street tales of Black Rob, an affable storyteller who is up to the challenge. The many dramatic turns Life Story takes serve to make the radio-friendly attempts all the more obvious, but unlike other Bad Boy Records projects, you're more apt to look past the bad to embrace the hood. Black Rob's career didn't pan out beyond this album (there are more, but nobody ever bought them), but this album is still something he can proudly bar his children from listening to, thanks to all of the adult situations, language, nudity, violence, and pervasive drug use.
BUY OR BURN? I want to make this very clear: I recommend a purchase, but I do not feel that you should pay a lot for that muffler. So don't jump online and give up the full retail price. Should you come across this in a used CD store, don't hesitate to throw a couple of bucks Black Rob's way, though. He'll appreciate it, at least, and you'll find something to enjoy on here.
BEST TRACKS: "I Love You Baby"; "Whoa!"; "Can I Live"; "You Don't Know Me"; "I Dare You"; "B.R."; "Lookin' At Us"
