J-Zone - Fish-N-Grits (March 31, 2016)

When I first started this site, one of the goals I hoped to achieve was to turn a larger audience onto New York-based Renaissance man Jay “J-Zone” Mumford. Ever since I first read about the man… online or in The Source or something, I honestly can’t remember anymore, sorry Jay, I’ve been a fan: he’s a guy who takes his craft seriously, but himself not so much, and that spirit follows him into his production style, which depletes all available samples in the surrounding area in a playful style, not unlike Prince Paul, but can turn on a dime to something much more street when necessary. His rhymes, however, have always been confessional, conversational, and, at times, downright silly as fuck, which is a compliment: it’s difficult to maintain one’s sense of humor when they’re getting screwed over by the very industry that employs them.

J-Zone and Celph Titled are... The Bo$$ Hog Barbarian$ - Every Hog Has Its Day (March 14, 2006)

Today marks the eleven-year anniversary of the blog. I've missed a couple of these during my lengthy hiatus, so I wanted to make sure I acknowledged it this time around. Okay, that's over with, let's move on.

These days, producer-slash-sometimes rapper J-Zone is best known for successfully reinventing himself within not just our chosen genre, but transcending them, as well, having used his early experiences in the rap game, releasing critically-acclaimed but low-selling independent albums on his own label (Old Maid Entertainment) and touring with them to no avail, as inspiration for his autobiography, Root for the Villain: Rap, Bullshit, and a Celebration of Failure (released in 2011), which generated renewed interest in his music. Since then, he’s released two additional rap albums, but for the most part has moved on to other ventures, teaching himself to play the drums (he performed the drum work live on his last two albums), which has led to his current role as the drummer in his funk duo, The Du-Rites, alongside Pablo Martin of the Tom Tom Club.

Today’s post does not touch on the current J-Zone, however. There are no live drums or reflections on his past, aside from general complaints that his output doesn’t sound like his earlier work, something all rappers have dealt with at some point in their careers. No, the subject of today’s post is an album entitled Every Hog Has Its Day, and it’s a satirical take on the ignorant rap music that Zone and his partner-in-rhyme-for-this-one-project-only, underground stalwart Celph Titled, enjoy unironically.

J-Zone - Peter Pan Syndrome (September 3, 2013)

A lot of hip hop heads didn't realize it at the time, but Jay "J-Zone" Mumford actually quit the rap game a few years after the release of his last solo album, A Job Ain't Nuthin' But Work.  Although he had many Interweb fans, that didn't translate into real world dollars for him to use, which caused him to lose his distribution deal with Fat Beats.  With mounting responsibilities and debts, he was forced to make a decision.  A lot of people can relate to this: it's hard to give up on your dream, even if it is for the greater good (read: financial stability).  So, aside from a few extraneous projects he dropped just to get them out into the world, he quietly exited stage left, choosing a life in the field of teaching instead of the glamour and glitz of being an underground producer-slash-rapper that had absolutely nothing to show for it, aside from boxes of unsold product sitting around the house.

However, this story doesn't actually have an ending yet.

Max Plays Matchmaker: J-Zone

Twelve artists or groups who should hit up J-Zone for a beat or two on their future projects:

(in no particular order)

Ghostface Killah
Redman
De La Soul
Skillz
Jean Grae
Chino XL
Group Home
Tim Dog
Del Tha Funkee Homosapien
Rhymefest
Twista
Asher Roth

HONORABLE MENTION:
Ol' Dirty Bastard (a posthumous remix, maybe?)

Discuss in the comments below. More write-ups coming soon.

-Max

J-Zone - A Job Ain't Nuthin' But Work (September 14, 2004)

Housed behind one of the goofiest and least hardcore hip hop album covers in recent memory is A Job Ain't Nuthin' But Work, rapper/producer/Old Maid Billionaires CEO J-Zone's third full-length album (and fifth project overall).

At this point in his career, J-Zone had already expressed his lack of interest in performing behind the mic, choosing to exorcise his artistic demons behind the boards. Thanks to the cult following he garnered for two EPs and previous two albums, he was able to catch the ears of artists as well-known as Biz Markie, Masta Ace, Tha Alkaholiks, King Tee, Cage, MF Grimm, and R.A. the Rugged Man. After proving his worth with hyper-entertaining sonic backdrops for Al-Shid, Huggy Bear, and himself, Zone showed the hip hop world that he could easily adapt for bigger names without compromising his own integrity.

Perhaps that is the reason he was tapped by The Lonely Island for that "Santana DVX" song featuring E-40.

Anyway, A Job Ain't Nuthin' But Work progresses even further away from Music For Tu Madre than even $ick Of Bein' Rich could ever dream of doing, a fact that J-Zone even admits to on one of the album's songs. He still handles all of the beats (I don't believe he would have it any other way), but for someone who is trying as hard as he can to step away from the microphone, he keeps letting himself get pulled in, ceding only when other rappers such as Devin the Dude, Celph Titled, and Al-Shid pop in to say hello. In fact, in many ways this is the only real solo album that J-Zone has ever recorded.

Which may be why it doesn't entirely work.

1. THE ZONE-ETTES
Zone begins A Job Ain't Nuthin' But Work with a loud burp, and then, as a goof, introduces his backup female R&B group, who sing a ridiculous song that instantly evaporates from your mind. Kudos to Zone for keeping these rap album intros interesting, though.

2. SPOILED ROTTEN (FEAT CELPH TITLED)
Strangely, Zone's second two bars tell the same joke as his first two lined do: obviously, at this point he wasn't really paying attention to lyrics anymore. So it isn't surprising when Celph Titled steps onto the scene and demands all of your attention span. Celph makes this song better than it deserves to be.

3. A FRIENDLY GAME OF BASKETBALL
J-Zone decides to take on other hip hop personalities in a game of b-ball. Some of these lyrics are goofy, as they're in the vein of Biggie's “Dreams” and Curtis Jackson's “How To Rob” in their capacity for name dropping. The beat is pretty weak, which is not very helpful for a track that you'll only listen to once, if that, just for the sheer novelty of it all.

4. EDIT THESE
Not so much a song as an interlude, and not so much an interlude as a studio-constructed experiment. In a “fuck-you” to college radio that doesn't play his shit anyway, Zone kicks a verse with all of the curses backmasked, and then plays the same verse with everything reversed except for the curses. It's amusing, and it is consistent with the spirit of fun that caused me to pay attention to J-Zone in the first place, but it's understandable that most folks will probably skip past this one.

5. GREATER LATER (FEAT DEVIN THE DUDE)
When I first read about this collaboration, I was worried that Devin's stoner flow wouldn't translate well over the frequently manic instrumentals that J-Zone is known for. However, Zone's skills as a producer shine through, adapting to his guest's flow for the greater good. The instrumental itself is reminiscent of his work on his own “38th & 8th” off of $ick Of Bein' Rich, except that this is much deeper: Devin and Zone live their crappy day-to-day while having a cautiously optimistic outlook for the future. This was really fucking good, especially Devin, who remains truly calm even as all of the bad shit piles up around his verse.

6. XACTLY
Zone's diatribe against guys who practice poor hygiene (and women with “foul clits”, by far the most vulgar and graphic description of a certain type of woman that I have heard...in the past hour) plays more as an interlude than anything that should be classified as a full-length song. In the past, Zone probably could have made this subject matter kind of funny, but this utterly humorless track, which barely masks the contempt he has for his marks, isn't worth listening to.

7. KILL PRETTY
This was a step in the right direction. Zone's self-deprecating style makes a triumphant return, even though he is more unabashedly cocky than ever before: having four prior albums under your belt can do that to a person. I found the beat kind of annoying, especially as the melody constantly climbs up and down the scale, but the lyrics on here were funny enough.

8. BALDYLOCKS
Even after reading the title and taking a wild stab in the dark as to what the song would be about (I was right, by the way), I still didn't see the Onyx reference coming. That gag lifted this trite song to another level that isn't fully deserved, as this track is more mean-spirited than amusing.

9. CRUTCHES
A skit that leads directly into...

10. DISCO HO (FEAT DICK $TALLION)
I find songs that describe the events of a preceding skit to be redundant as best, and fucking useless at worst, and I'm sure a lot of you do, too. Which is why I found it funny during the “Crutches” skit that J-Zone actually told his friend Dick $tallion that he would record a song that explains why he was walking on crutches, leading us to “Disco Ho”. The result is one of the bounciest tracks in Zone's catalog, one that's funny as shit (especially when even he sounds surprised that he's dancing to a Ja Rule song). Dick $tallion's chorus works for the song's needs, but is forgettable otherwise.

11. FLIGHT 212
Skit...

12. BULLSHIT CITY
J-Zone explores his love/hate relationship with his home city. Who says that all New York rappers have to love New York? The beat is less aggressive than I would have expected, but the track is still alright; it isn't anything special, even though I found the line about there being “more rappers than fans” in NYC pretty fucking funny. Probably close to the truth, too, given the sheer number of unknown rappers that populate some of your favorite blogs.

13. HEAVY METAL (FEAT AL-SHID)
Zone's longtime right hand man Al-Shid delivers yet another impressive performance: I guarantee that, should these two hook up for an entire album, it would be among the most entertaining of whatever year it comes out. The beat is decent, but the true draw here is the lyrics: once Shid spits that he'll “orchestrate an ass-whupping / now that's music to my ears”, he'll win over the folks that have never paid attention to any other J-Zone write-up.

14. OOPS! (I'M SORRY, BITCH)
A goofy short track that consists of J-Zone apologizing to the many folks that he has wronged. Could have fit in on Pimps Don't Pay Taxes, had it not been for the the fact that it most certainly could not have.

15. SLEAZY LISTENING
For this interlude, Zone plays an instrumental that he claims is perfect for low-budget porn directors to use during a sex scene. Not surprisingly, this is far dirtier than anything that has ever appeared on any J-Zone album. Too bad the sound bites are unsettling and unsexy, but at least they draw attention away from the beat, which is pretty boring; I don't think anybody will be fucking to this interlude for quite a while.

16. LIGHTWEIGHT
J-Zone passes off an audition tape to become the fourth member of Tha Alkaholiks as an actual song, describing a night of getting shitfaced that could have also led into the events of “Disco Ho”: I guess that all of his nights out involve drinking and then doing something that he regrets later, usually resulting in some sort of physical pain and/or hospital stay. The beat is weak, but Zone's attention to detail still makes this track fairly entertaining, if a bit terrifying, especially if you truly are a lightweight in the drinking department. It's called building up a tolerance, Zone.

17. THE ZONE REPORT
Had it not been for the fact that Zone recorded this track long before I started HHID, I would swear that he composed this as a response to my write-ups. J-Zone's autobiographical drive through the neighborhood of his career is clear, concise, and to the point, addressing criticisms from critics (his lyrical content has regressed, his songs aren't as funny anymore) and his own hand (he hates his own production on Pimps Don't Pay Taxes: he feels it's the weakest of the bunch, but I would have to disagree) with honest candor. I wish that he would actually address whatever the fuck happened to Huggy Bear, but whatever. This shit was both nice and unexpected.

18. OLD MAID THEME / BISCUITS II
“Old Maid Theme” contains a dope instrumental that sounds like the score to a heist scene for a flick that has yet to be filmed: perhaps that was the inspiration for his To Love A Hooker project, the soundtrack to a film that doesn't exist. “Biscuits II” is just an outro, one where Zone thanks those who helped him with his album (he mentions that all of his big-name guests bailed on him except for Devin the Dude – have to say, I'm wondering who was scheduled to originally appear) and dismisses everyone else.

FINAL THOUGHTS: By recording and releasing “The Zone Report”, J-Zone may have actually successfully diffused any criticism of his own albums, but it still needs to be said that A Job Ain't Nuthin' But Work will only piss off his biggest fans, especially those who have followed him for his entire career. The project doesn't fail because of the artist's regression or progression or however you want to interpret his lyrics: instead, it fails because J-Zone doesn't sound inspired with most of the beats and almost all of the lyrics. His guests (the few who appear, anyway) easily overshadow him without even really trying, but once again, Zone wouldn't have it any other way. A Job Ain't Nuthin' But Work comes across as an album that Zone's label forced him to record, but that isn't even true, because Zone owns his own fucking label, so I can't understand how this came out so weak. However, the fact of the matter is that this is J-Zone's worst album.

BUY OR BURN? Burn this one. This project pales in comparison to the preceding four albums, even $ick Of Bein' Rich, which had its own problems. Check for the songs listed below and be on your merry way.

BEST TRACKS: “Greater Later”; “The Zone Report”; “Heavy Metal”

-Max

RELATED POSTS:
Catch up on the rest of J-Zone's catalog by clicking here.

J-Zone - $ick Of Bein' Rich (July 22, 2003)

After the release of his first full-length project, Pimps Don't Pay Taxes, producer-slash-rapper J-Zone told anybody who would listen that he had no plans on rapping again. He felt that he had already done everything he could with the art of the rhyme, and his heart was in the production side of hip hop anyway, so he intended to produce full time and leave the verses to the experts.

The critical acclaim and success (relatively speaking) of Pimps Don't Pay Taxes derailed those plans. Zone found himself in high demand, helming the boards for artists such as The High & Mighty, Cage, MF Grimm, Biz Markie, and Wordsworth, all while helping out his fellow Old Maid Billionaires Al-Shid and Huggy Bear, now simply going by H.U.G., by releasing singles for both. Zone even found the time to release a 12-inch single of his own, for "S.L.A.P.", a goofy non-album track that shared a kindred spirit with his earlier work from his first two EPs.

His second album and fourth release overall, entitled $ick Of Bein' Rich, chose to further explore an alternate universe in which J-Zone was hugely successful and was running out of ways to spend all of his money, Brewster's Millions-style. What remains a mystery to me is what exactly happened with the Old Maid Billionaires: while Zone retained the name for his vanity label (with distribution handled by Fat Beats), he and H.U.G. had some sort of falling-out, which resulted in him not appearing on $ick Of Bein' Rich at all. Al-Shid pops up on one track, but it seems that the damage was done, and J-Zone elects not to refer to his past life as part of a trio too often on this project. If anybody could enlighten me as to what the fuck actually happened, I would appreciate it, since I'm a fan of Huggy Bear's and would like to know what he's up to now.

Undeterred, J-Zone decided to use $ick Of Bein' Rich as a vehicle with which to convince other rappers outside of his immediate circle to join him in his quest for underground hip hop supremacy. As such, he handles probably a few too many songs solo, but when he brings in artists such as Masta Ace, Celph Titled, and J-Ro from Tha Alkaholiks, the transition is seamless, and the man is able to prove that he is pretty versatile when he needs to be.

The album as a whole, though, needs a bit of work.

1. THE INTERNSHIP
Not as funny as his previous album intros. In fact, this isn't really funny at all: it comes off as the beginning of yet another Penthouse Forum letter that rappers love to compose (although it must be noted that Zone is in no way sexually explicit with this track). This isn't a good sign.

2. THE 2 BIT CLUB
Okay, this rap album intro is more like it. $ick Of Bein' Rich really didn't have to have two different intros, though, did it? There are rap albums in third world countries who would kill your parents for a rap album intro of their own.

3. THE COMMANDMENT$
I have to be honest: this J-Zone tirade is actually much more mean-spirited than anything else the man has released to date. The humorous lines (of which there are few) seem forced, and the overall moral to this story seems to be that J-Zone hates both his fans and his underground success. That was weird. Also, not something that your fans would actually want to hear, Zone.

4. FUCK YOU, PAY ME
This song gets the train back onto the right track. J-Zone claims to only rhyme for the money, a fact that he brazenly cops to, and his justification is kind of funny. Not as much as his first three projects were, but funny nonetheless.

5. 5-$TAR HOOPTIE
This is fucking hilarious. Zone's description of his busted-ass ride will remind you of the funnier self-deprecating tracks from his older projects. This shit was nice.

6. GRANDMA
Zone sure loves his grandmother, as she seems to play some sort of role on all of his albums. At least she seems to be more supportive than Consequence's mother, anyway.

7. 38TH & 8TH (FEAT AL-SHID)
Al-Shid takes over this dope beat to provide listeners with a cautionary tale of the down side of getting head while driving. The attention to detail is extraordinary, and the sense of humor is much appreciated, making this the best song on the album so far easily. It probably also helps that J-Zone cedes the microphone to his old running buddy. I cannot stress enough how nice this instrumental is.

8. STEADY HOGGIN'
All sorts of wrong. Although a lot of what Zone says has crossed everybody's minds at one point or another, that doesn't necessarily mean that you want the man to be your personal spokesperson.

9. GIMME, GIMME, GIMME (FEAT MASTA ACE)
$ick Of Bein' Rich has the distinction of being t he first J-Zone album to feature artists outside of the man's immediate camp. Masta Ace is first up to bat, with an interesting (and graphic, at times) performance that is good enough to explain why the man is still in the midst of a career resurgence of his own today.

10. WHIPLA$H (PIMPOTENT)
I don't think I've ever written this about a J-Zone song, but there's a first time for everything: meh.

11. BITCH-B-GONE
A fake commercial, one which is much more annoying than it has any right to be.

12. PRIMA DONNA (FEAT COPYWRITE)
Underground stalwart Copywrite battles absolutely nobody for seemingly no reason, but he rides Zone's beat like a motherfucker.

13. TOO MANY BABIE$ (FEAT GORILLA PIMP$ (CAPTAIN BACKSLAP & DICK STALLION))
This one-joke song is performed by Captain Backslap (Zone's alter ego) and Dick Stallion. Clearly, J-Zone felt that, after his success on the first three entries in his catalog, he was entitled to say whatever he wanted on wax, so on here he and his boy go after women who have too many children. Pretty ridiculous, but I mean that in a "you'll only listen to this once because it sucks balls"-kind of way. At least he tries to take the piss out of himself on here, as well.

14. HO KUNG FU!
Kind of offensive to Asians, to be honest. This originally appeared as the b-side to "S.L.A.P.": why that song didn't make this album's final tracklisting and this shit did is beyond me. Here, Zone takes his stalker-like affection for Lucy Liu (evident on his other albums) to new lows, creating what could possibly be his most embarrassing song ever. This was a misfire.

15. CHOIR PRACTICE (FEAT J-RO & KING TEE)
I was left wishing that Tash could have found a way to appear on here, as he would have sounded terrific over some of J-Zone's demented cartoon scores, but J-Ro and King Tee manage just fine on their own on this entertaining-as-hell song.

16. LA CHATEAU BLANC
Skit...

17. CHUMP CHANGE
Zone comes across as the cheapest Scrooge in the history of mankind. However, he's funny, so this bizarre excursion works. The beat is a tad bit annoying, though not enough so to avoid hearing the track altogether.

18. BLING AROUND THE COLLAR (FAKE GOLD CHAIN)
I still don't understand what compelled Zone to have a conversation with himself during this song's intro, but I still enjoyed his track-length confession. This is probably the closest that $ick Of Bein' Rich ever comes to the heights of Pimps Don't Pay Taxes, though.

19. EATADICCUP (FEAT CELPH TITLED)
Zone's instrumental is fucking awesome, and his future partner in the Boss Hog Barbarians exhibits a chemistry with him that is palpable. Rhyming alongside Celph Titled actually makes J-Zone sound more comfortable than he has been for the rest of the album, which kind of sucks, as this is the last real song on here, but that's just a minor quibble.

20. BI$CUIT$
An outro masquerading as a song-length track, which features J-Zone thanking every single person who contributed to $ick Of Bein' Rich, oftentimes individually. And with that, we're out.

FINAL THOUGHTS: $ick Of Bein' Rich is entertaining enough, but it isn't very consistent, and some of this is downright mean and boring. J-Zone seems to be bitter and pissed off about his circumstances. As such, about one-third of this project is a misstep. The sense of humor is still intact, but Zone's production is still the real draw of the album anyway, and for the most part, the man does not disappoint. Using the album to prove that he's no fluke behind the boards when it comes to other artists was also a great idea, as working with the likes of Celph Titled and Masta Ace seem to have helped him step his own production game up, increasing his own stock tenfold in the process. If you look at $ick Of Bein' Rich as a demo tape of sorts for the second chapter in his career, moving beyond the salad days of the Old Maid Billionaires, instead of what you probably hoped was a natural progression from Pimps Don't Pay Taxes, this album works a hell of a lot better, but be forewarned: some of this album doesn't sound that great at all.

BUY OR BURN? I recommend a slightly hesitant purchase, because the two-thirds of the album that click work extremely fucking well, but the rest of the album sucks. For the first time, a J-Zone project features tracks that you will be skipping on a regular basis. Fans may be disappointed, and newbies won't understand what all the fuss is about.

BEST TRACKS: "Eatadiccup"; "38th & 8th"; "Vling Around The Collar (Fake Gold Chain)"; "Prima Donna"; "Choir Practice"; "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme"

-Max

RELATED POSTS:
Other J-Zone projects can be discussed by clicking here. Trust me, you'll want to click here.

J-Zone Presents the Old Maid Billionaires - Pimps Don't Pay Taxes (2001 - 2002)

J-Zone's first full-length album, Pimps Don't Pay Taxes, is credited to his crew, the Old Maid Billionaires, which is just an excuse to include his boys Al-Shid and Huggy Bear on a few tracks. Look past the blatant misdirection and what you have is a J-Zone solo effort, albeit one that is only a few degrees removed from his last project, the A Bottle Of Whup Ass EP.

Zone's fledgling hip hop producer career was in full swing by the time Pimps Don't Pay Taxes rolled around: the man had already gained a cult following who ate up every single song he touched with his quirky, Prince Paul-on-laced-crack demented beats. His Old Maid vanity label was even able to swing a distribution deal with Fat Beats Records, meaning that, unlike his previous two EPs, you would actually be able to purchase a copy of Pimps Don't Pay Taxes in fucking stores.

Alongside cohorts Al-Shid and Huggy Bear, who also appeared on the other two EPs, J-Zone expanded upon the sound of A Bottle Of Whup Ass and folded it into a fantasy world which featured the three as successful rappers with cash to spare. In reality, listeners are just getting more of the same rants, raves, and self-assured goofiness that we've grown accustomed to receiving from J-Zone.

But that isn't a bad thing.

1. MODEL CITIZENS
A pretty interesting way to introduce the main players of Pimps Don't Pay Taxes.

2. Q&A
A pretty goofy song that manages to introduce J-Zone to a wider audience, while dropping enough references to his previous two EPs to satisfy his fans. Not quite as good a first song as “The Zone Mission Part VIII” was, but enjoyable nonetheless.

3. LIVE FROM PIMP PALACE EAST (FEAT AL-SHID & HUGGY BEAR)
The first posse cut from the Old Maid Billionaires for this project is dominated by Huggy Bear's lead-off verse, which is just awesome. (Dude even manages to reference Kilroy, which is both bizarre and impressive.) Al-Shid and Zone himself also do commendable work, but this is the H.U.G. show all the way.

4. STROKE HAPPY
A short, strange interlude. I found it hilarious, but you'll still only need to hear it the once.

5. THE TROJAN WAR (FEAT THUG PENIS)
Look past the fact that Huggy Bear is playing the part of J-Zone's dick, and you'll find an enjoyable (and funny) track that doubles as a public service announcement promoting safe sex and the regular use of condoms. No, seriously, the song is still funny! Come back!

6. THE BUM-BITCH BALLAD
The beat is unusually boring, and the subject matter is so trite that women are bound to be offended, even though Zone sticks with his argument that “if you're not a bitch, then I'm not taking about you”, which is a defense that has never really worked. Although he is quick to stress that not all bitches are women, you will have already moved on.

7. 190 (FEAT AL-SHID)
The Al-Shid drinking/flashback/piecing together last night song (a la The Hangover) from A Bottle Of Whup Ass reappears on Pimps Don't Pay Taxes. It still sounds pretty good, even within the context of an entirely different album.

8. YOU BLOCK, YOU BLEED
This skit basically tells the exact same story as what plays out on the next song.

9. BLOCK ITCH
This diatribe against cockblockers at his shows who get in the way when Zone is just trying to get his fuck on is actually kind of boring, although a few of his couplets are relatively funny. Maybe this would have worked better if the previous skit were deleted.

10. NO CONSEQUENCES (FEAT HUGGY BEAR)
Taken from A Bottle Of Whup Ass. Oddly, this awesome song also sounds right at home on Pimps Don't Pay Taxes. I suppose that statement is just a testament to the track's overall brilliance.

11. A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR
Skit...

12. ZONE FOR PRESIDENT
J-Zone's mission statement would have made for a much better introductory song than “Q&A” (especially since he refers to this song as “Zone Mission Pt. V” at one point). This shit sounds really fucking good; it's most definitely on the same level as A Bottle Of Whup Ass, the man's finest hour. To be fair, though, Zone has already made a song about him being president ("Inauguration Day", from Music For Tu Madre).

13. I'M FUCKING UP THE MONEY (FEAT HUGGY BEAR)
Huggy Bear rips shit up on this solo outing, over some majestic J-Zone production work. This just fucking rocks. And Hug's theory that reading books only teaches you how to study, not anything else, is kind of humorous.

14. OLD MAID LEGAL AID
A skit that leads right into...

15. JAILBAIT JENNIFER (FEAT AL-SHID)
When Zone says that his erect penis is harder than trying to find his first album, the song is funny as shit. When Zone starts talking about the possibility of going to jail for his indiscretions with an underage girl, you start feeling all sorts of dirty, and you feel guilty for laughing at the above joke. Same with Al-Shid's verse. Not bad, but you'll only be able to listen to this one once.

16. S.H.I.D. CHAPTER 5
Al-Shid's solo offering is decent, but not very memorable, thanks to an ineffective choice of instrumental.

17. MS. PLATONIC PART 2
J-Zone gets his revenge on the chick from "The Smurf Syndrome" (although this song takes its title from the skit that preceded it on A Bottle Of Whup Ass), the friend who invited him over just to try to get a free beat from him under the pretense that she was going to give it up. (At least, that's how it went in his mind.) His scheme is all sorts of fucked up, but at least he manages to finally get some. Not that I'm condoning the man's actions, of course.

18. THE J-ZONE FAN CLUB
This skit is just funny.

19. INVISIBLE INK (FEAT HUGGY BEAR)
A lyrical clinic for Huggy Bear. Much more serious than most of Pimps Don't Pay Taxes, but enjoyable nonetheless.

20. METROCARD MILLIONAIRES (FEAT AL-SHID & HUGGY BEAR)
The final posse cut on Pimps Don't Pay Taxes (nay, the final actual song on the album) takes off immediately on the strength of Zone's harried beat, and all three rappers step their game up considerably. Nice!

21. BILLIONAIRE THEME
A brief, mostly instrumental outro.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Pimps Don't Pay Taxes plays out exactly as you would expect an extended version of A Bottle Of Whup Ass would. J-Zone's beats are still (mostly) catchy and creative as ever, and his boys Al-Shid and Huggy Bear are monsters on the mic. A heavy reliance on boring skits hurts the project more than it helps, but Pimps Don't Pay Taxes is still fairly original and consistently enjoyable. The two readers who actually sought out his first two EPs after reading my original write-ups will definitely not be disappointed.

BUY OR BURN? This purchase should be a no-brainer, whether you enjoyed the first two EPs or if you just appreciate demented cartoonish instrumentals accompanied by actual mic skills.

BEST TRACKS: “No Consequences”; “I'm Fucking Up The Money”; “Metrocard Millionaires”; “Live From Pimp Palace East”; “The Trojan War”; “Invisible Ink”; “Zone For President”; “Ms. Platonic Part 2”

-Max

RELATED POSTS:
The other J-Zone albums are being discussed here. Be sure to check it out.

J-Zone - A Bottle Of Whup Ass (EP) (2000)

While reading through some of my older posts (conceited bastard that I am), I realized that I haven't written about J-Zone, one of my favorite underground artists, in a couple of years. In fact, there are only two mentions (possibly three) of Zone in the entire history of the blog: when I mentioned that the man produced a track off of the Lonely Island CD Incredibad, and when I wrote about his debut EP, Music For Tu Madre. And that's all I can remember. What the fuck kind of fan am I?

Well, I'm going to fix that today.

A Bottle Of Whup Ass, J-Zone's second EP release, was his first which was not a requirement for college graduation. Music For Tu Madre wasn't heard by very many people upon its initial creation, but it was held in a high regard by those lucky enough to get an early look into Zone's mind, with the offbeat samples and running commentary regarding the decline of hip hop in general. A Bottle Of Whup Ass, the follow-up effort, features more of the same, but kicked up a notch, thanks to Zone's newly found confidence (both behind the mic and the boards), as well as the efforts of his two sidekicks in the Old Maid Billionaires, Al-Shid and Huggy Bear (now known as H.U.G.).

A Bottle Of Whup Ass was the first album I had ever listened to from J-Zone, but I latched onto this shit immediately, hunting down his debut almost as soon as the disc stopped playing in my Discman. (Yeah, that's how old this album is.) One of the reasons I like hip hop websites is because of discoveries such as this: in a roundabout way, A Bottle Of Whup Ass is one of the reasons why I decided to tell people about artists and albums that they may not have looked at otherwise.

So you can either thank or violently attack J-Zone with a blunt object, depending on your preference.

1. HITCHCOCK

One of the few rap album intros I actually like. It's goofy, short, and to the point. If you opt to skip this track and jump straight to the music, you would save only, like, nine seconds of your life. Not sure if it's worth paying $1.39 to HipHopSite.com for nine seconds of audio, though.

2. THE ZONE MISSION PART VIII
J-Zone reintroduces himself to the masses, and by “masses”, I mean the four people who were aware of the Music For Tu Madre EP upon its initial release. This is a great “intro” song, and Zone's comments as to the location of parts two through seven of this series are pretty damn funny.

3. NO CONSEQUENCES (FEAT HUGGY BEAR)
This is, quite possibly, the essential J-Zone song. (It may only be a coincidence that this song was the first J-Zone effort I had ever read about.) It takes a ridiculous concept (all laws have been suspended for the day) and runs with it, leaving us with a fucking hilariously anarchic track. J-Zone's comments about “Ice Ice Baby” and Huggy's assaulting of Zone himself are especially memorable. And Rosario Dawson wasn't even as hot back when this track was released as she is now, so I have to applaud Huggy Bear on his excellent taste and psychic abilities.

4. EGO BASHIN'
This brief interlude is rather creepy sounding, and you'll probably only need to hear it the once.

5. 190 (FEAT AL-SHID)
Can also be referred to as “the Al-Shid drinking song”. Some of the vocal samples are grating, but the attention to detail (and J-Zone's cameo on his own song) leave an entertaining taste in your mouth. (Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean.)

6. MS. PLATONIC
An amusing skit about the plight of “nice” guys the world over. Also leads nicely into the next track.

7. THE SMURF SYNDROME
I have to say that writing a song about catching blue balls and naming it “The Smurf Syndrome” is fucking genius. (Also, the vocal bit from Ernie from Sesame Street is hilarious.) Obviously J-Zone's tale is more specific to his own situation (since the girl in his sights wants him to produce a song for her), but the general idea is universal. The ending is both funny and depressing, but the song is still really good, though. Also, Lucy Liu is still pretty hot today, too.

8. NOSE JOB
Interlude...

9. ORPHAN BABIES (FEAT HUGGY BEAR)
Zone and Hug provide listeners with their own version of DMX's “Born Loser”. I ended up feeling worse for Zone and Hug than for Earl Simmons, though, even though the tale presented here is told with a deprecating sense of humor: DMX seems incapable of even listening to a joke, let alone telling one. The sheer imagery of crashing your vehicle, flying through the windshield while screaming “yes y'all!” is hilariously absurd.

10. RECESS (FEAT AL-SHID)
Zone's beat provides a harrowing pace (I imagine newspapers running down the line at the plant) that Al-Shid opts to ignore entirely while spitting this one-verse wonder. The contrast sounds fantastic, though.

11. THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL (FEAT AL-SHID)
As a companion piece to the previous track, Shid comes in from recess to spit some more shit over a much darker (and, in most ways, far more interesting) Zone instrumental. J-Zone was smart enough to surround himself with friends who double as really good rappers, which already elevates the man above, say, almost every other rapper/producer ever. (That's right: I just placed J-Zone among the best producers in the game.)

12. NOCTURNAL EMISSION
A pretty funny self-depreciating interlude. Kudos on the use of an educational record sample: that component makes this sound like Zone's interpretation of Prince Paul's genius, and I mean that in a good way.

13. HOLY WATER (FEAT HUGGY BEAR)
I'm not sure what compelled Huggy Bear to write a song against organized religion on what is otherwise a goofy-ass album (the power of Christ, maybe?), but here you go. Although there are other rap songs that explore the same subject matter in a more successful manner, Huggy proves himself to be one of the better underground rappers out, regardless of skin color. Does this guy even still rap, or is he too busy assistant-managing the Ralph's over on 5th Street? Because he's good.

14. CALAMINE LOTION PART 2
The deejay track, which I don't come across nearly as much as I used to.

15. EXTRA DUCK SAUCE
J-Zone ends his album with a track full of shout-outs.

FINAL THOUGHTS: A Bottle Of Whup Ass is a vast improvement over Music For Tu Madre: the fact that J-Zone's debut EP-slash-thesis project was already a really good listen simply makes this feat even more astounding. Zone's blunted Cartoon Network instrumentals (by way of more contemporary Prince Paul) are complimented by hilarious rhymes, skillfully delivered by friends Al-Shid and Huggy Bear, but the best songs on here are the ones that feature himself behind the mic. His self-deprecating (I've used that word too many times during this review, but we'll all live) wit and realist view on the absurdity of hip hop cliches was refreshing back in 2000, and today it still sounds fantastic. A Bottle Of Whup Ass is Zone's finest hour, although one shouldn't discount the rest of his catalog. I'm still wondering why it took me so goddamn long to write about this album, by the way.

BUY OR BURN? This project is a must-own. You should do whatever it takes to get a copy of this EP, even if it includes stealing cars and pushing elderly men down the up escalator. You can also simply buy it from iTunes, since J-Zone cut a deal with Apple a while back, but I'm sure he would appreciate the level of passion involved regardless.

BEST TRACKS: “No Consequences”; “Orphan Babies”; “The Zone Mission Part VIII”; “The Smurf Syndrome”; “Recess”; “Holy Water”; “The First Day Of School”

-Max

RELATED POSTS:

J-Zone - Music For Tu Madre (EP)

J-Zone - Music For Tu Madre (1998 or 1999???)

J-Zone, real name Jeremiah Zonisteinberg, is an underground-but-should-be-better-known producer and CEO of his own company, Old Maid Entertainment. He hails from New York, but the majority of his fan base resides in Europe, which means he spends more time overseas touring his albums than here in the States. This is just more proof that American hip-hop fans often support the wrong artists.

Music For Tu Madre , his first album, was released to very little acclaim, as it was never actually intended for anybody's ears. You see, the album was his thesis for graduating from college. As it is, it's one of the best term papers I've ever heard in my life, and he must have gotten a lot of praise from his professors, as he later released it to the public. He uses his humorous lyrics (that sounds too formal; they're actually fucking hysterical) and incredibly creative, offbeat samples (sort of like a broke Prince Paul, but that's still some great company to be in) to open up a discussion on the state of hip hop at the time, either 1998 or 1999 (I can't locate anywhere the exact date this was originally released.)

Other than the fact that he has an appreciation for ignorant rap music and basketball, and the fact that he loves his grandmother (that's her reaching for the bottle on the album cover), Zone info is pretty hard to come across, which is for the better, anyway. No need for that messy personal stuff to get in the way of your musical talents. After reading the review, be sure to check out his official website at www.zonesite.net for more information on his various projects.

(Yeah, I know I'm tempting fate by placing the hyperlink before the actual write-up. I'll take my chances.)

1. FM BLUES
The saddest part about this introductory track is that the radio actually sounds worse today than it used to in 98-99. That excerpt of "I sell crack/And I know how to rap/From the projects/And I love to bust caps" could be taken from damn near any artist's debut record from 2007. Does this make Zone a prophet? No, it just makes him very fucking observant.

2. WHO IS J-ZONE?
The actual rap album intro. It's just a skit comprised of random vocal samples.

3. THE ZONE MISSION
Zone isn't the best rapper in the world, but his flow is a nice change of pace from all of the shouting and repetition heard on the radio these days. As the first real song presented here, it sounds pretty good.

4. SO PRETTY (FEAT AL-SHID)
This is just funny. Misogynistic, sure, but given the subject matter, Zone and Shid have a point.

5. CANDY RAZORS (FEAT HUGGY BEAR, KOBAYASHI, & TRIP)
I have no clue who Kobayashi and Trip are, but Huggy Bear (The Great White Hope) sounds like the yin to J-Zone's yang. Which would make Al-Shid, I don't know, the dash between yin and yang? Whatever. This beat makes you stand up and take notice of Zone's production prowess; he's one of the best for a reason.

6. I'M LONELY
...

7. KIZZY'S REVENGE (FEAT LOS)
This is the weakest track here. I'm not saying it's out of place, but it may have looked better in the garbage disposal than in the album's sequencing.

8. INTERMISSION
...

9. 5 YEARS (PRELUDE)
Where do you see hip hop in five years? Consider the answers given to Zone's survey in this prelude, and then look at today's rap "stars". The responses given here are optimistic compared to today's reality. It almost makes me want to give up and grab my Depeche Mode and New Order albums and start writing about how New Wave Isn't Dead. Almost.

10. 5 YEARS
Yeah, it sounds very dated, but the points made in this satirical song are still valid today. Rappers still talk about money and what they drink and what they wear and all the bitches they've fucked or will fuck; they just don't drink Cristal anymore.

11. S.H.I.D. (FEAT AL-SHID)
Al-Shid's solo showcase. People, this is how a punchline rapper should sound. Although Shid actually didn't come into his own until Zone's second album, he still becomes the center of attention like the letter "n".

12. CATCH 22 (FEAT HUGGY BEAR)
Great track. Huggy outshines Zone as the guy who can't even get a job rounding up shopping carts after his arrest.

13. SMOKE THEORY
Skit, with a creepy-ass sample at the end, which may sound even freakier while stoned out of your mind.

14. PAIN
Not even a true skit, just a sample, but one that I used to slip into mixtapes just to amuse myself when I was younger. You see, they used to have these things called "audio cassette tapes"...

15. INAUGURATION DAY
J-Zone becomes president, and a devilish young man tries to talk him into fixing America by destroying the African American race, in a song which will cause people to compare the track to how minorities are treated (and how they treat themselves) today. Easily the deepest song here, as it approaches a lot of topics that will make you think about society and its ills. Great execution, too.

16. CALAMINE LOTION
The DJ track. Lots of obscure-ass samples scratched here. A nice way to end the listening experience.

There are also versions of Music For Tu Madre that include instrumentals for "Candy Razors", "Kizzy's Revenge", S.H.I.D.", and "Catch 22" as tracks 17 through 20.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Music For Tu Madre features poorly mastered tracks, samples that would never survive the clearance process, unpolished rhyming from the star and his cohorts, and an overall sarcastic demeanor regarding the nature of hip hop. In other words, it's really fucking good, even though I believe Zone gets into his, well, zone with his follow up, A Bottle Of Whup Ass. I hadn't heard this album in a while, and it makes me miss the chemistry between J-Zone and the two rappers who would later become the other two Old Maid Billionaires, Al-Shid and Huggy Bear, a/k/a Hug, a/k/a the guy who no longer works with Zone for undisclosed reasons. (I assume it has to do with money, but who knows? Anyone? Feel free to drop a line in the comments.) For a thesis, it's still pretty entertaining, and it tastes good with a smidge of butter.

BUY OR BURN? This is a trick question. Music For Tu Madre is no longer available in its physical form. Hell, even I have a burned copy. It is definitely worth your time, though, so I would recommend going through iTunes (J-Zone has made his entire catalog available there) and burning it, knowing that the money will go to support Zone (and maybe convince him to come out of retirement). If you are able to locate a true CD or vinyl copy of Music For Tu Madre, then you probably should have spent your time trying to hook up with the girl (or guy) of your choice, as that would be a better use of your resources.

BEST TRACKS: "The Zone Mission"; "Candy Razors"; "S.H.I.D."; "Catch 22"; "Inauguration Day"

-Max