50 Cent - Get Rich or Die Tryin' (February 6, 2003)

I realize that it's been a while since my last review, what with vacations, bullshit at work, and general malaise on my part, so I thought I would make my triumphant comeback by beating a dead horse.



Enough internet space has been occupied with the Curtis Jackson story, so I won't waste your time with that here. Get Rich or Die Tryin' was his first album to actually get a proper release (he had recorded two prior, one solely with Jam Master Jay of Run DMC fame, and the other being Power of the Dollar, which isn't hard to find online). After getting shot nine times, he was dropped from his label and blackballed by the industry (he was snitching on known Communists at the time); as such, he decided to put his name out there via the mixtape route, and became the first true mixtape king; it was one of his mixtapes which caught the ear of Marshall Mathers, who took it to his physician Dr. Dre during his annual physical, and the rest is history. Huh. I just wasted your time with the Curtis Jackson story. My bad, yo.

50 Cent has been attacked repeatedly during the past four years by hip hop heads of all types, for very good reason: he's not a good rapper. At all. But as a businessman, he can be pretty brilliant. He began his mainstream career beefing with Ja Rule, who was well known for crooning on his hooks to the chicks and generally acting like an ass. After destroying his credibility, Curtis then went on to take his spot by crooning all of his own goddamn hooks. I'll admit, when the beef started, I hated Ja's music, so I was rooting for 50 and his G-Unit camp, even though I felt the only artist with potential from the camp was The Game, who (of course) was kicked out for stepping on 50's shine (don't believe all that "Game wouldn't beef with 50's enemies" shit; he was dropped because he was selling just as much as the bulletproof man himself). Now that Curtis is filling the Ja Rule role, he's opened himself up to massive scrutiny ("Candy Shop", anyone?) and, up to this point, has brushed it all off with success, but the overall point of this paragraph is that I don't fucking like Curtis Jackson's music. I'm sure he's lovely in person, though.

This album is somehow considered to be a gangsta rap classic. No, I don't understand why, since it's not like 50 is a one-man N.W.A. or anything. 50 Cent's career is based on one everlasting pose. Look at the album cover above. I mean, come on! This is supposed to be entertainment! You can crack a fucking smile every once in a while, and not just when you're cashing your latest Shady/Aftermath/Interscope check, Curtis. I read somewhere that 50 considered himself the George Bush of this rap shit (which is a horrible way to market yourself, by the way), but his stance has some merit; he did take out one of the most hated men in the hip hop world during his term (did I just compare Ja Rule to Saddam Hussein? Wow, I'm a dick).

True story: it has been discussed repeatedly how 50 was shot nine times, left for dead, but every source leaves out the fact that he was shot by nine different people, and these folks only shot him a smile. Those vests don't protect you from everything, Curtis.

1. INTRO
Don't even get me started. At least there's no grandstanding on the part of the artist here.

2. WHAT UP GANGSTA?
Actually. not a bad way to introduce yourself on a gangsta rap album.

3. PATIENTLY WAITING (FEAT EMINEM)
Eminem outshines Curtis on his own shit, which is too bad, as this song if fucking terrible.

4. MANY MEN (WISH DEATH)
Maybe Ja Rule; everyone else merely wishes an embarassing case of the hiccups.

5. IN DA CLUB
As if you haven't heard this already. Brilliant marketing move on both Dre and Eminem's parts: the cuddly super-gangsta rapper who would rather fuck the shit out of you than fall in love. No wonder chicks love this song. Can't complain bout the Dre instrumental, though.

6. HIGH ALL THE TIME
Awful, awful, awful. The beat is terrible, and the lyrics are meh. Not helping: the fact that Curtis readily admits that he doesn't smoke or drink; this song makes 50 sound more like an actor than every other rapper ever. I give praise where it is due, though: on the Q-Unit mash up album (which matches 50's rhymes with Queen's songs as backing tracks), "High All The Time" sounds infinitely more entertaining over "Under Pressure"; go here to check it out. Actually, the Q-Unit CD sounds better than this entire album, to be truthful.

7. HEAT
A hot mess. I don't care if Dr. Dre produced this shit, it gives me a headache.

8. IF I CAN'T
This song is not bad, but then again, how often does the good Doctor make a mistake? (Ignore what I said on the last track.)

9. BLOOD HOUND (FEAT YOUNG BUCK)
I believe this to be the official introduction of Young Buck as a member of G-Unit. Lots of people say that Buck is the best rapper out of the camp, the one with the most potential. I say, maybe, but in a crew where none of the artists are particulary good, that's not saying much.

10. BACK DOWN
Dr. Dre produced this track, which aided in ending Ja Rule's career. The beat is fantastic, and the lyrics are both menacing and funny; however, the end, in which a hairdresser (who has allegedly had relations with Ja) rambles on, is overkill. Glad to see that a rap beef included yet another homophobic reference; who says hip hop is dead?

11. P.I.M.P.
I prefer the remix, which features G-Unit and Snoop Dogg, simply because I can buy Snoop as a pimp, even though he was in that Muppet movie (I don't care if his scenes were ultimately cut, that shit just ain't gangsta!).

12. LIKE MY STYLE (FEAT TONY YAYO)
A lot of folks believe Yayo to be the worst rapper in the camp. I have to go with popular opinion here.

13. POOR LIL' RICH
All of these songs are starting to sound like one long suckfest.

14. 21 QUESTIONS (FEAT NATE DOGG)
I don't care if Nate Dogg is singing the hook, this song is among the worst in recorded history. I mean, "I love you like a fat kid loves cake"? I blame Curtis for all of the corny ass white people whom I've heard use this as a romantic gesture.

15. DON'T PUSH ME (FEAT EMINEM AND LLOYD BANKS)
I take back my review of "Patiently Waiting". That song is just bad, but this song is fucking terrible.

16. GOTTA MAKE IT TO HEAVEN
A decent way to end the album. Too bad it's not the true end of the album.

The following tracks are identified as bonus tracks:

17. WANKSTA
I'll admit that I think this song is okay, if only for the first three lines of the second verse. It's not "so good that my opinion of the album changes" good, though.

18. U NOT LIKE ME
Meh.

19. LIFE'S ON THE LINE
See above track.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Get Rich or Die Tryin' just isn't a good album. I admit that a lot of people think this CD is the shit, that it bumps in the car, whatever. You can rationalize it all you want: I just heard the fucking thing and I'm wondering why I still have it in my collection. In true Ras Kass fashion, part of the problem is the beats, but Curtis has regular access to Dr. Dre, so that's a stupid excuse. Also, in no way did I just compare Curtis Jackson to Ras Kass lyrically.

BUY OR BURN? Don't buy this shit; there are some good tracks on here, but that's why downloading was invented.

BEST TRACKS: "What Up Gangsta?"; "In Da Club"; "Back Down"

-Max