Drink Coasters: Bulworth (The Soundtrack) (April 21, 1998)

As if Hollywood made a concentrated effort to prove my comments on The Show's soundtrack review as fact, I present to you the soundtrack to the suck-ass Warren Beatty film Bulworth. I'm sure every one of my two readers will agree, there is nothing funnier than hearing an old white guy rap, especially if it's at a public forum such as a press conference or congressional dinner. (I see you, Karl Rove. You're on my shit list too.) Even having Halle Berry in your film doesn't merit any sort of praise, since she's a horrible actress that has made maybe two good choices her entire career. (I did like Don Cheadle, though.)

Unlike The Show, however, Bulworth (The Soundtrack) seems to have been executive-produced by people who were actually trying to put together a compilation of brand name artists and unknowns. The problem is in the song choices themselves. Things start off less than decent with Dr. Dre and LL Cool J's unintentionally hilarious "Zoom"; I just realized that Cool James was the last person I ever wanted to hear on a Dr. Dre track. (That's right: Curtis Jackson actually ranks higher on this rhetorical list.) Of course, you can have your two-year-old son bang on the keyboard with a plastic hammer and find the original version of the track online, which featured Snoop Dogg; this was supposed to be their 'reunion' track, but was nixed since Snoop was still under contract to Suge Knight at the time. You can imagine that the chemistry between Dre and Snoop sparkles, while the lack-of between James and Andre Young sticks out like a sore thumb in a bag of middle fingers.

Things don't get much better with "Ghetto Superstar", which was supposed to be Pras (the third wheel from The Fugees) and Mya (whom I've always liked, but not for her music), had it not been for Ol' Dirty Bastard's drunken interruption while wandering into the wrong studio. Pras graciously allowed Dirty a cameo; as such, ODB garnered another radio-friendly hit. This song isn't the worst song in the world, but it's not very good, and does not fit into the rest of the album's sequencing, especially since the focus didn't seem to be Top 40 radio. Canibus trots out a collaboration with Youssou N'Dour, but since it's produced by Wyclef Jean, it's completely worthless. Public Enemy hands us "Kill 'Em Live", which makes you want to reach for their seminal albums instead. Mack 10 and Ice Cube give us "Maniac In The Brainiac", which I'm sure was supposed to be "Maniac AND The Brainiac"; either way, I'm sure that neither artist lists this song on their respective resumes. And every single song with an unknown artist fails; of course, you shouldn't expect much from rappers with names like 'Nutta Butta' and 'D-Fyne', but Eve (from Aftermath/Ruff Ryders/Aftermath/whatever fucking label she's on now) falters on her official debut, "Eve Of Destruction"; and the Black Eyed Peas, before the white chick and commercial fame, loan out their album track "Joints & Jam", which sucks. (In fact, all of the Black Eyed Peas songs are fucking awful, and I believed that even before Fergie joined the group. But that rant has nothing to do with Bulworth, so I'll end it here.) Cappadonna (famous for the previous post, in which I eviscerated his solo album) even loans out his "Run", which still sucks, even when placed on a different album.

Bulworth has some medium points, but they're not reason enough to add this album to your 'must buy' list. Southern rapper Witchdoctor included his album track "Holiday/12 Scanner", and it was good enough for me to try to track down his debut. The Rza returns to rhyming and producing on "The Chase", which sounds like a spiritual cousin to Cappa's "Run", but better. The crown jewel, which was not hard to find on an album full of bombs, is the DJ Muggs-produced "Bulworth", which is only the title track by a technicality, as none of the rappers featured mention the film at all. In fact, Prodigy, Method Man, KRS-One, and KAM all attack the media, especially music magazines such as The Source. Major kudos for the inclusion of KAM on here, but one song isn't enough to warrant a purchase.

I suppose we should all be thankful for one thing: in early advertisements for this soundtrack, the inclusion of 'Jay Bulworth' was promoted; Jay Bulworth was, of course, Warren Beatty's character in the film, and he was supposed to rhyme over a DJ Muggs instrumental. I'm sure even Warren himself thought the 'old white guy rapping' joke wore thin, and had it removed from the final release. Bulworth (The Soundtrack) is available at the Amazon z-shops (see sidebar for link) starting at one cent. One frickin' penny! There's a reason, people. Avoid this at all costs.

-Max