Ol' Dirty Bastard - The Trials and Tribulations of Russell Jones (March 19, 2002)

The Wu-Tang Clan's fourth collective album, Iron Flag, was a critical success, if not a commercial one, and while some random blogger named Max may have called it a better album than The W, I believe that everyone can agree it was missing one key component: Ol' Dirty Bastard. As he was imprisoned at the time, it makes sense that he was unable to appear on the group's fourth opus. However, that does not explain the existence of The Trials and Tribulations of Russell Jones.

First, a little background. Dirty's original label, Elektra Records, realized that the gold-selling and commercially successful artist that they had signed off of the strength of his appearances on Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) was an unstable drug addict, prone to both crashing awards ceremonies and occasional superheroic efforts (I always liked the story about Dirty lifting up a car to save a little girl), and once he was locked away, made a hasty but not unexpected business decision to drop his sorry ass. The legal way for them to do this (without facing the wrath of the Wu-Tang Killa Bee Lawyers, anyway) was to complete the terms of his contract, so Elektra employed the "bullshit greatest hits album" technique, which is both time-tested and patented; never mind the fact that this motherfucker had only released two albums. The hits album sold about as poorly as you would expect an album with zero promotion to sell. (To add insult to some previously mentioned insults, Elektra actually released a second greatest hits album after his passing, which contained everything from the first hits album and a couple of his outside guest spots. Appalling behavior, even for something as shady and unethical as a record label.)

Dirt McGirt was left without a major label to call home, so this is the point in the story where D3 Entertainment stepped in. (I know, I had never heard of them either.) D3 was apparently the blueprint for the rap artist graveyard that Koch Records would soon perfect, releasing albums from rappers who were past their prime, such as Big Syke, Spice 1, and Wu-Tang b-teamers Sunz of Man (minus Killah Priest, who was busy cutting his Wu ties at the time, although he would later retract his anti-Wu statements, probably under duress). Shit, Ol' Dirty was the biggest star on the goddamn label, and I bet the motherfucker never even saw the inside of D3's office, which was located in the upstairs break area of a Los Angeles-based OfficeMax.

Dirty's third solo album, if you can even call it that, would be his final CD to be released in his lifetime, which of course means that Ol' Dirty is essentially overshadowed by the multiple ridiculous guest appearances, most of which were determined by picking names out of a magician's hat. The Trials and Tribulations of Russell Jones is largely considered to be an unauthorized album, released without the thumbs-up from the Jones family, but while ODB wasn't actually present to give everyone high-fives and pour Gatorade on the engineer, you shouldn't fool yourself. This album is, sadly, an actual official Wu-Tang release, although you wouldn't be able to tell that just by hearing it. (What, you mean you don't actually listen to music?) None of the principle members of the Clan make appearances, not even U-God, who probably had a hair appointment during the duration of the recording. This leaves plenty of room for some of the flat-out dumbest guest spots to ever appear on a Wu-Tang record, and I've been unfortunate enough to listen to La the Darkman's collaborations with Vanilla Ice. The beats are almost exclusively provided by the apparent D3 in-house producer Tytanic, and these beats attempt to showcase Dirty in a fun and freewheeling way, albeit in the most amateurish way possible. It's no wonder that Tytanic hasn't produced anything since: he probably was promoted to the night supervisor slot in the copy center and never looked back.

It won't be a surprise for my two readers to read that The Trials and Tribulations of Russell Jones describe neither the court trials nor any tribulations in his life: indeed, the disc has about as much substance as a box of Splenda. The album is a horrible ending to the legacy of the most spontaneous artist in the Clan, and should probably be ignored for the most part. (The critics agree: this album was savagely ripped apart upon its release, and nobody you know has ever heard of this CD, let alone owns it.) While it is obvious that at least a handful of these tracks were honest attempts by Ason to record a composition with the intention of releasing it to the public (a couple of the collaborative efforts come to mind), the majority of these quote-unquote "songs" are patchwork quilts made up of previously released Dirty lyrics, some tenth-rate bargain-basement beats that ODB never intended to spit to, and sole leftover Bubble Tape. And if Dirt McGirt were actually around to supervise the mastering of the disc, I would certainly hope that he would have removed the fucking Insane Clown Posse from the album's intended first single, "Dirty & Stinkin'", since I cannot fathom any line of thinking where the addition if suck-ass hacks such as ICP would equal platinum sales. If D3 was insistent on including goofy white rappers on this album, they could have called on MC Chris or MC Paul Barman. But I'm getting off track.

What says Max of this bullshit album? (Oops, did I give it away?)

1. INTRO

Not a good start.

2. CAUGHT UP (FEAT MACK 10 & ROYAL FLUSH)

Wow, the hook is so annoying that I almost want to choke the motherfucker. I know that ODB has much love for his contemporaries on the West Coast, but Mack 10? Really? Was Coolio not available? Royal Flush is actually pretty decent, but he lost me at the end of his verse with the "blowing all the sergeants" line. Even when heard in context, you're left wondering if he really thought that was the best wording to use.

3. DIRTY & STINKIN' (FEAT INSANE CLOWN POSSE)

Three words: this shit sucks.

4. DOGGED OUT (FEAT BIG SYKE & TOO $HORT)

Utilizes some reused vocals from the Wu-Tang Clan's "Dog Shit", which isn't even a good enough song to want to utilize in the first place. The guests are wasted here, but I'm sure the meager checks D3 supplied for them were enough to justify going insane over the Wendy's 99 cent menu.

5. FREE WITH MONEY

Skit...

6. ANYBODY (FEAT C-MURDER & E-40)

This collaboration looks weird on the computer screen, and it sounds even more bizarre, so much so that it never gels properly. However, thanks to this song, I now know that ODB and E-40 share the same birthday. Great, that's another fucking card I have to mail.

7. WAITRESS # 13

Another useless skit. Why she isn't called Waitress # 45 is unknown to me.

8. REUNITED

When Wu-Tang Forever dropped, one of the most sought-after B-sides was an alternate version of "Reunited" that featured ODB interpolating Peaches and Herb over the same string-laden beat by The Rza. This is not that song, although it reuses his terrible singing voice. Also, while I'm complaining, there are no guests to be seen on this song, so who the fuck is Russell reuniting with? Huh?! Didn't think of that, did you, D3?

9. HERE COMES THE JUDGE (FEAT BUDDHA MONK)

Almost partially entertaining, if only because Ol' Dirty sounds better when he rhymes with someone that he has at least some chemistry with. Speaking of which, ICP? What the fuck?

10. CUTE DEVILS

Skit...

11. I WANNA FUCK (FEAT ROYAL FLUSH)

While it is pretty funny the first time to hear the dude who singe the hook to harmonize the phrase "bust a nut", it isn't funny enough.

12. HIGHJACK

Skit...

13. LINTBALLZ (FEAT 12 O' CLOCK, PRODIGAL SUNN, HELL RAZAH, POPA CHIEF, & BUDDHA MONK)

Sounds like an outtake from the N---a Please studio sessions, for good reason: "Lintballz" is the most Wu-sounding song here, if only for the guests and not the beat (Buddha Monk isn't The Rza, not by a long shot). The hook is completely lame, but the song itself isn't the worst thing I've heard today.

14. ZOO TWO

Um...reuses lyrics from Return To The 36 Chambers: The Dirty Version's "Damage", which Dirty had already reused on "Brooklyn Zoo II (Tiger Crane)", a song from the same album. The fuck?

15. ANYBODY (REMIX) (FEAT C-MURDER & E-40)

Well, at least the beat is better this go-round.

16. TAKING A SHIT

One of the most unnecessary skits I have heard in my lifetime, and I've seen partial episodes of Mad TV.

17. C'MON

Reuses lyrics from "Baby C'mon", a far superior song. Listening to this album is almost like playing a bastardized version of Name That Tune, except instead of identifying songs based on their melody, you do it based on the lyrics. As such, it's too much work, and it taxes the brain.

18. DIRTY & STINKIN' (REMIX) (FEAT INSANE CLOWN POSSE)

No amount of tweaking would ever make this song sound good. You want to add some guitars? Sure, why not? It won't help: the song still sounds like ass. The Trak Starz, who would make their name as a production team by producing those annoying Chingy songs, remixed this track, which sounds predictably dreadful.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Listening to The Trials and Tribulations of Russell Jones is akin to trying to ignore every other child that isn't your own at a school talent show: you really don't want to hear their shit, but you feel embarrassed and ashamed for everyone involved. This audible car wreck is probably the reason that D3 no longer exists as a record label, but instead as a manufacturer of industrial-strength lubricant. Hearing these sub-par Dirty verses strung together makes me thankful that The Rza opted to not include him on Iron Flag, as blasphemous as that sounds.

BUY OR BURN? You couldn't tell? I will say that I would rather listen to this than U-God's solo debut, but if I were stranded on a desert island with only these two albums to listen to, I'd break one in half and slash my wrists. It's that awful.

BEST TRACKS: None.

-Max

RELATED POSTS:

Ol' Dirty Bastard - N---a Please
Ol' Dirty Bastard - Return To The 36 Chambers: The Dirty Version