April 29, 2008

Diversionary Tactics: Max's Commentary On The Billboard Hot Rap Singles Charts (April 29, 2008)

10. ELEVATOR - FLO RIDA (FEAT TIMBALAND)
I wouldn't be surprised if we found out later that Madonna and Justin Timberlake's original take on "4 Minutes" was over this beat, since they both sound exactly the fucking same. That said, I actually kind of like the instrumental, and can even deal with Timbo's horrible rhyming, but if only the main attraction had been locked out of the studio that day, this would be a great song. Seriously, was Magoo not able to call in to Wendy's that evening?


9. SUPERSTAR - LUPE FIASCO (FEAT MATTHEW SANTOS)
Unless we find out later that Shawty Lo is really from Montreal, Lupe Fiasco has the honor of being the only guy on the chart that isn't from the goddamn south. I didn't care for this song when it first dropped, but the fact that the bullshit radio stations in my neck of the Earth are actually playing "Superstar" on a regular basis has led me to naturally lean toward this song more than everything else on the chart. Still, Lupe can do better.


8. UMMA DO ME - ROCKO
And the legacy of Def Jam lives on in the new millennium.


7. BUST IT BABY (PART 2) - PLIES (FEAT NE-YO)
That title sounds promising. The fact that this song exists in the first place is astounding, as you would think the subject matter would have been exhausted in Part One.


6. INDEPENDENT - WEBBIE (FEAT LIL' PHAT & LIL' BOOSIE)
Is this the rap song that independent women have been waiting for? Not so much. For a song that supposedly pays homage to the woman that doesn't need a man to get where she wants in life, this song is downright offensive, but then again, you should only expect so much from the guy whose other hit song, "Give Me That", glorifies rape. (Am I reading too much into these songs?) Also, the second rapper in the video has this weird Stevie Wonder-esque vibe, thanks to his giant fucking sunglasses. Dude, it's not even bright where you are: you're standing on a soundstage!

5. DEY KNOW - SHAWTY LO
The lyrics are typically terrible, but the beat is actually not awful, for what it is. That said, the remix is much better, because Ludacris actually knows how to put rhymes together, and I even found myself enjoying Young Jeezy's verse. Excuse me while I go hang myself.

4. LOW - FLO RIDA (FEAT T-PAIN)
Flo Rida has two songs in the Top Ten Ringtone Tracks...um, my fault, Top Ten Rap Tracks. This is the one that sucks more. Although I have to give kudos to the fact that T-Pain got away with talking about an entire club "smokin' that herb" on the radio.


3. SHE GOT IT - 2 PISTOLS (FEAT T-PAIN & TAY DIZM)
I'm going to be very surprised if this 2 Pistols guy somehow pulls a second hit out of his ass, especially in this current political climate.


2. THE BOSS - RICK ROSS (FEAT T-PAIN)
And the legacy of Def Jam lives on in the new millennium. I can't believe this guy sold more copies than fucking Snoop Dogg, although, to be fair, Snoop kind of sucks right now, "Sexual Eruption" notwithstanding.


1. LOLLIPOP - LIL' WAYNE (FEAT STATIC MAJOR)
You motherfuckers should be fucking ashamed of yourselves.


Leave some comments if you loved/hated this post. How else will I know which comments to ignore?

BONUS VIDEO: Enjoy this pleasant diversion while you wonder how long it will take me to post another blog.








-Max

9 comments:

  1. Do this more often since I can't listen to the radio anymore and I'd like to sound hip to the kids at school.

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  2. Nothing but the truth.

    Vincent
    thimk.wordpress.com

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  3. rick ross is ill hater... rest of your comments are on point.

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  4. Don like VitoApril 29, 2008

    lol

    only shitty rappers in the top 10,

    haha Shawty Lo released the worst hip hop album in years and he is still in the top ten

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  5. nice to see you try something different! and yeah, that comment regarding "Lollipop" was justifiable enough... lol

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  6. That list makes me embarassed to be American. Like, really..

    Wow.

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  7. (Am I reading too much into these songs?)

    Uh...yeah!

    Outta all these songs, the ones I loathe are the Rocko and Shawty Lo. As for the rest, it's easy pick through and see how these guys don't "measure up" to Rakim but you gotta accept a single for what it is. When you go to the club, this is where the more accurate review of such songs comes in play. Because you're monitoring the crowd's reaction opposed to how old a song is. If people are still getting live off of "Low" then you gotta accept the fact that song is a hit. (Shit's old as hell). I don't really like it that much but I see the appeal. Like I could do without every vocal on "Lollipop" but that beat is damn near hypnotic with a glass of Henny in my hand...

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  8. Yes, please do more of these.
    Maybe once a month. Great read.

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  9. great post -- truest shit you ever wrote..

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