Diversionary Tactics: A Distraction In Two Parts

MAX'S THOUGHTS WHILE READING THE TRACKLISTING AND PRODUCTION CREDITS FOR LIL WAYNE'S THE CARTER III, WITHOUT ACTUALLY HEARING THE ALBUM ITSELF:

-I can't believe this album is tracked to sell over one million copies in its first week. Isn't that the first sign of the apocalypse?

-Did anybody ever really think that this kid from the Hot Boys, back when Cash Money Records was a fledgling start-up, would actually become the most popular rapper in America? Anybody? Hands? Put your fucking hands down, you're all a bunch of liars.

-Lil Wayne took over radio airwaves in such a subtle manner that nobody realized it until it was too late. Now everybody just believes that Wayne has always been popular, and the world has been tricked into thinking that The Carter III is actually a "highly anticipated" album, when in fact nobody actually knows why Wayne is so popular.

-Holy shit, The Alchemist has a beat on here? Did he miss an installment at his kid's private school or something?

-Babyface? Where the hell has he been?

-The "A Milli" beat is not the best rap beat of this or any year. Even its own producer, Bangladesh, feels that it was something that would have made more sense as a mixtape interlude. It just goes to show that everybody's taste in hip hop has been dumbed down to such a nub that something as repetitive and mishandled as "A Milli" is actually considered a good song. Hell, Dwayne Carter doesn't even pay attention to the fact that the vocal sample is saying "a milli"; he takes it to say "I'm illy", which makes about as much sense as "a milli", granted, but still.

-The title of "Let The Beat Build" reminds me of Shawn Carter's command to "Let that bitch breathe!" on American Gangster's "Success". Which I'm sure was the point, even though producer Kanye West didn't have anything to do with the Jay-Z track.

-Speaking of Kanye, while I still hate "Lollipop" with every fiber of my being, I do appreciate the point on its remix where Kanye drops all of the bullshit come-ons and declares that he's going to rap "like [he] has respect for [himself]", unlike everyone else that rhymes on a track with the hip hop hobgoblin. Sadly, that list includes a lot of your favorite rappers, all of which apparently have such low self-esteem that they feel jumping on a track with this kid from Louisiana will help their own careers.

-Brainwashing can be a scary thing, my two readers.

I've actually received more than one request to review The Carter III as one of My Gut Reaction posts. Now, let's be honest here: there is no way in fuck I'm going to buy this thing. However, if enough people actually request it, I have no problem trying to procure it through my local library (they actually carry it: I've already checked, just in case) and giving it a listen, although I will probably have to seek medical attention when my ears start bleeding. Now is the time to start leaving more comments, folks; otherwise, I go on living a carefree, Wayne-free life. (Bear in mind, if there is such a write-up, it wouldn't happen until August, because of what I'm about to tell you below.)

COMING SOON TO HIP HOP ISN'T DEAD:

-In July, I'm going to attempt something this blog hasn't seen before: thirty-one write-ups in thirty-one days. That's right, one post a day. And to make it even worse on myself, every single post will be of an album that can be considered the first in the featured artist's catalog. Some of them will be reviews you two have been waiting on since the inception of this site, and some of them will be about albums that you won't care much about at all, but at least it won't be boring. Be sure to leave some comments, so that all of this work won't go unappreciated, especially if you'd like the frequent posts to continue, um, frequently.

-Also, in August I plan on devoting a week to nothing but female rappers, a demographic which, I will admit, I have been lax on discussing from day one. (I admit that the Foxy Brown 'Drink Coasters' post doesn't actually count.) I'm looking to change that, though. Now, I have a couple of ideas as to who to include, but I'm looking for suggestions. Leave some comments, or shoot me an email at the address on the right.

-In fact, if anybody has any suggestions for Hip Hop Isn't Dead, have an album that you would like to be considered, just want to say hello, or whatever, the email address is open for a reason.

Stay tuned.

-Max