Ultramagnetic MC's - Critical Beatdown (October 4, 1988)

Critical Beatdown, from the Ultramagnetic MC's, is considered to be one of the greatest contributions to the genre we know and love. Newer hip hop fans may wonder how an album that only sold modestly can be considered one of the best ever, especially since nobody ever plays this shit in the South. The answer is best summed up in the following paragraphs.

The Ultramagnetic MC's are a New York-based rap collective made up of TR Love, Moe Love, Ced Gee, and perhaps the biggest name in subversive hip hop, Kool Keith. The crew formed in 1984 and released numerous 12-inch singles that found themselves in many a deejay's milk crates: their debut album, Critical Beatdown, was released by Next Plateau in 1988. The crew succeeded off of the strength of Kool Keith's unorthodox rhymes and Ced Gee's production techniques, which were pretty fucking revolutionary: his instrumentals were usually heavily layered with samples that were chopped up (not beyond recognition, but still) and re-ordered so as to produce a brand new variation on the existing source material, a tactic that turned heads in the late 1980's and would grow to be the standard, until the beginning of the sample wars, which made producing songs in this manner much too fucking expensive for the average low-budget record label to afford.

Thanks to the borderline-ridiculous imagery provided by Kool Keith's rhymes, combined with the normal-by-comparison skills of Ced Gee (the other primary rapper in the crew), the Ultramagnetic MC's became known for their eccentric rhyme patterns and their penchant for not really paying much attention to where the beat was at any point in time. They used this skill set to their advantage, dissing multiple rappers (primarily for the sport of it, not out of any perceived beef) in ways that it took literally years for fans to decipher.

Kool Keith is best known today for his many rap personas, his (fictional) stay in Bellevue, and his horrible hooks and beats on his multiple solo projects (unless said beats are provided by a professional, such as The Automator, Kutmaster Kurt, or Ced Gee), but Critical Beatdown showcases a possible budding genius at work, one getting the feel of his surroundings while pushing the limits of what hip hop heads will actually want to hear before tuning out completely. Its beats are also a breath of refreshing air, especially after being assaulted by overproduced club "bangers" by what passes for the radio these days.

But the real reason Critical Beatdown plays such an important role in hip hop history?

For me, it would have to be Kool Keith's hat on the album cover.

1. WATCH ME NOW
It's telling that Kool Keith is the first rapper you hear on Critical Beatdown. His voice stands out immediately, and you find yourself looking forward to whatever the hell he has to say (probably less so now, but he still has his moments), but Ced Gee actually has the best verse: he wins the belt after admitting that he sometimes rhymes off-beat (and awkwardly) on purpose. Is that a mild Run-DMC diss?

2. EASE BACK
Some good old fake-ass Public Enemy-type shit (thanks to the use of the same sample P.E. freaked for their "Terminator X To The Edge Of Panic"), although it does actually work, so I can't really criticize it that much. Although the comparison between the two crews would make Kool Keith the Flavor Flav, based on the voice alone, and it's not like you can even put those two guys in the same universe.

3. EGO TRIPPIN'
I wasn't really feeling Ced Gee on this beat, but that's probably because Kool Keith contributed a remake on that Sway & King Tech This Or That album, and Motion Man kept up with Keith impressively. Still, not bad.

4. MOE LUV'S THEME
Sorry, instrumental fiends: this is actually a Kool Keith solo song. However, since nobody actually writes songs about their deejay anymore, it's much appreciated.

5. KOOL KEITH HOUSING THINGS
You may recall that house music was actually bigger than hip hop at one point in time, so a lot of rappers tried to expand their sound (and their audience) by branching out a bit. This solo Keith cut won't change your perception of house music, but you'll probably still like it. I do, anyway.

6. TRAVELLING AT THE SPEED OF THOUGHT (REMIX)
This track is so incredibly fucking short, it'll leave you wanting for more.

7. FEELIN' IT
I wasn't.

8. ONE MINUTE LESS
I didn't care much for this track. Sorry, not all of these critiques are going to be book-length.

9. AIN'T IT GOOD TO YOU
Meh.

10. FUNKY (REMIX)
Pretty damn good, but I was left hoping that the group would use more of that Joe Cocker "Woman To Woman" sample that also made up the bulk of Dr. Dre's beat for 2Pac's "California Love" (the original version, not its inferior remix).

11. GIVE THE DRUMMER SOME
The late Paul C. (an engineer and producer who was tragically murdered the year after Critical Beatdown was released) provides the beat for Kool Keith to start spitting some wildly random shit. This song is best known as the track that The Prodigy (not the guy from Mobb Deep) cribbed from on their classic "Smack My Bitch Up" (yeah, that's right, I called it a classic), but the source material is pretty fucking good as well.

12. BREAK NORTH
Loving this beat. Ced Gee sounds more comfortable than Kool Keith on here, but if you want to get technical, Keith tends to sound awkward on every single song that he has ever done: however, that would be part of the charm.

13. CRITICAL BEATDOWN
I don't even remember any of Keith's lyrics, since Ced Gee dominates this motherfucker, with boasts that run the gamut from "Your girl wanna swallow me" to "You should've been a Muppet". Hi-larious!

14. WHEN I BURN
This beat is just awesome. The song flies by a bit too quickly for my tastes, though: I could have used an extra seventeen minutes of this shit.

15. CED-GEE (DELTA FORCE ONE)
This beat also rocks. Ultimately, though, the song is only alright, although Ced Gee gives it his best shot.

FINAL THOUGHTS: AN album called Critical Beatdown is already essentially impervious to any sort of criticism, but I'll give it a shot anyway. This album works a lot better if you perceive it as a collection of songs rather than a cohesive album, since every single song has an infectiously high energy level that doesn't let up, even though the subject matter on each song is exactly the same. Also, the rhymes of Kool Keith and Ced Gee sound damn near flammable over every single one of these beats: the combination of these factors makes an already-short album seem like it ends in roughly ten fucking minutes. And even though Ced Gee gets a couple of tracks to himself, Kool Keith makes a convincing argument for being the star attraction.

BUY OR BURN? Keith Thornton may not have been in his full-on hip hop weirdo mode yet, but you can hear the train a-coming on Critical Beatdown. As such, Kool Keith's fans should snatch this shit up with the quickness, a recommendation I would also make for fans of old-school hip hop and beats with multiple layers of samples (the likes of which you will never hear again, thanks to sample clearance laws). Everybody else should be warned that the Ultramagnetic MC's are an acquired taste, although this is clearly more accessible that, say, Dr. Octagonecologyst. (Note: A deluxe edition of Critical Beatdown, which includes multiple bonus tracks and a longer version of "Ego Trippin'" replacing the album version reviewed above, is probably more readily available than the original album, and will make a very nice addition to your CD collection.)

BEST TRACKS: "Give The Drummer Some"; "Moe Luv's Theme"; "Kool Keith Housing Things"; "Critical Beatdown"; "When I Burn"

-Max