My Gut Reaction: The Alchemist - Chemical Warfare (July 7, 2009)

Producer Al Maman, who works under the alias The Alchemist (or simply "Alchemist", as it appears on the album cover at right), is best known for providing sinister gangsta landscapes for rappers to graze upon. During his storied career, he's been a part of both the Soul Assassins and the Mobb Deep camps, affiliated with Dilated Peoples, and he currently acts as a deejay in residence for the biggest rap star on the fucking planet. But, of course, what he really wants to do is rap.

Al's first solo album, 1st Infantry, has the same blueprint as his newest offering, Chemical Warfare: Al laces all of the beats while his more well-known friends handle duties behind the mic, with Al himself stepping into the booth occasionally. If memory serves, Chemical Warfare features more Al Maman rhymes than 1st Infantry, but I haven't heard that disc in several years, so I'm probably wrong. The blueprint he's following, by the way, is exactly the same as what DJ Muggs (of Cypress Hill fame) has been using for his past three Soul Assassins albums, which is why I thought it was weird that Chemical Warfare was released within such a close proximity to Intermission, the latest DJ Muggs everyone-but-the-kitchen-sink effort.

I think Al has Muggs beat when it comes to bigger celebrities on the album, though. Chemical Warfare features no less than two Academy Award-winning acts: Eminem and Three 6 Mafia. Somebody should take that comment and add it to a sticker to be affixed to physical copies of the album. Just make sure to credit Max at Hip Hop Isn't Dead.

I'm only half joking.

1. INTRO
A useless rap album intro! Hooray!

2. ALC THEME (FEAT KOOL G RAP)
Maybe having Al rhyme on the same track as gangsta rap pioneer Kool G Rap (on his own “theme” song to boot) started life as an in-joke told in the studio, but then G Rap became involved, and the gag progressed to such a degree that neither man could back down from recording a collaboration without coming off as a “p-unk” (Al's word, not mine). However this really played out, though, this shit turned out awkward as hell.

3. LOSE YOUR LIFE (FEAT SNOOP DOGG, JADAKISS, & PUSHA T)
So Snoop doesn't even contribute a verse? Why even include the man, then? Didn't he have a football game to coach? I could have provided the chorus with the same level of apathy as Calvin Broadus! Jadakiss (from The Lox) sounds alright, and I'm now strangely curious as to how a Clipse album would sound with more beatwork from Al's chemistry set, but the most memorable thing about this song is the skit immediately following, which is actually fucking hilarious, albeit only the first time one hears it, I'm sure.

4. CHEMICAL WARFARE (FEAT EMINEM)
More Sarah Palin references, Marshall? How fucking old is this song? (The Octomom references don't help the song sound less dated, by the way.) This sounds pretty fucking stupid, even though it's only one verse long: Marshall must have been test-driving his Return of Slim Shady persona when he spit this shit in one take, as I would not be surprised if this verse predates all of Relapse. Al's beat ranges from okay to decent, for what it's worth, but this is so entirely skippable that I shouldn't even be using this many words to discuss it.

5. GRAND CONCOURSE BENCHES (FEAT KRS-ONE)
Other than hearing KRS-One state “Anytime I'm in the club, it's like I'm really at home” (especially since this sounds nothing like a club banger), this shit was unexpectedly awesome. The history lesson KRS provides during his second verse is a must-hear. The skit at the end is also pretty funny, especially the upset fan who sounds like every single blogger ever (including myself).

6. THERAPY (FEAT EVIDENCE, BLU, TALIB KWELI, & KID CUDI)
The preceding skit is actually a pretty hilarious segue into this track, featuring some of the more well-known names in underground hip hop and Kid Cudi, who is technically a mainstream star right now, but that will surely change once his confusingly-named debut album drops. Blu and Evidence (Al's partner in his rap duo Step Brothers) sound pretty good over Al Maman's instrumental, but Kweli I can take or leave on here.

7. THAT'LL WORK (FEAT THREE 6 MAFIA & JUVENILE)
I don't even think The Alchemist saw this collaboration coming. I imagine this kind of song will piss off the fans that appreciate his work with no-name artists bubbling under everybody's radar, but I've never professed to be Al's biggest stan, so I could give a fuck about whoever the man chooses to work with. This sounds like something one would hear booming from some kid's car speakers in a high school parking lot right after the final bell rang, which was probably the entire point. For what it's worth, it is what it is.

8. SMILE (FEAT TWISTA & MAXWELL)
This just proves my theory that every rapper that pairs up with (Tung) Twista feels the need to switch up their own flow just to match his pace; I'm convinced that I can never have Twista over at my house, as I don't want to have to reconfigure my living room to accommodate him. Maybe other rappers should follow that lead? I never wondered before what Al would sound like speed-rapping, and now I'll never have to wonder again. Twista's verse sounds more like a gimmick than a legitimate contribution to any song. The inclusion of Maxwell, though, was interesting, especially since the man just basically started his musical comeback. Excellent timing, Al!

9. KEEP THE HEELS ON (FEAT PRODIGY)
Al makes sure that the world hasn't yet forgotten about his boy, Cellblock P (the imprisoned half of Mobb Deep). Too bad a decent beat is wasted, as it houses some of Prodigy's most ridiculous rhymes to date. The track consists of sex raps that P must be trying to mold into a workable fantasy that he can use while he remains behind bars.

10. ACTS OF VIOLENCE (FEAT OH NO, ROC C, & CROOKED I)
This isn't that bad (read: Alchemist working alongside no-name rappers that are bubbling under everybody's radar), although Al's beat isn't as sinister as you would expect from that title. However, Al himself sounds much more aggressive than you would expect from a man who also ran with Cypress Hill. I don't remember any of the lyrical content from any of the artists involved (including Oh No, Madlib's brother and partner in Al's other rap duo, Gangrene, and Crooked I from supergroup Slaughterhouse), but this still sounded good.

11. LIGHTS, CAMERAS, ACTION (FEAT LIL' FAME)
Fizzy Womack takes time off from A&R-ing Wu-Tang Chamber Music to lace an above-average Al beat with a hype verse. It could have been much better, sure, but it also could have been much longer, which would kill everybody's spirits, so I'm kind of glad Lil' Fame kept it half short and twice strong.

12. SOME GANGSTER SHIT (FEAT FABOLOUS)
Al's beat (which includes some Dr. Dre dialogue snippets and a bit of “Ironside”, the Quincy Jones track Quentin Tarantino used multiple times in his Kill Bill flicks) is boring as shit, and someone should probably inform F-A-B-O that referencing The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is far removed from being gangsta.

13. ON SIGHT (FEAT THA DOGG POUND & THE LADY OF RAGE)
Daz and Kurupt both suck balls on here, but their reunion with former Death Row Records labelmate The Lady Of Rage is the real draw. She sounds downright refreshing, probably because we haven't heard much from her in the past decade, unlike a certain Dogg Pound. I see that Snoop, the leader of this pack, was too busy laying down a hook and not rapping on another track for Chemical Warfare to be bothered with making an appearance on this song. That sucks.

14. TAKE A LOOK BACK
Al takes to the mic all by himself to spit a couple of autobiographical verses. He isn't bad (he's certainly better than I would be), but I would much rather hear him tweak a beat. The skit that completes Chemical Warfare is hilarious, though: I would pay cash money to see The Alchemist perform with Pat Benatar, REO Speedwagon, and Tears For Fears on a cruise ship. Live Nation should get to work in putting that package together.

The following is considered a bonus track from a different Alchemist project.

15. UNDER SIEGE (GANGRENE (OH NO + ALCHEMIST))
My understanding is that “Under Siege” is the first single from Gangrene's forthcoming album. The beat is alright, but Oh No sounds bored as shit, and Al comes off as even less convincing than he did on the previous song. The best (and funniest) byproduct of this truly unfunny song is its accompanying video, with its “I just rented a video from Blockbuster and this is suddenly 1993” quality. You'll see what I'm talking about below.

THE LAST WORD: Chemical Warfare misses the mark on so many levels that you're left wondering is The Alchemist was even aware that there was a target involved. Many of his instrumentals sound incomplete (and they all pale in comparison to some of his more classic work from previous years). Al has a much higher profile now than he ever did, thanks to his role as Eminem's deejay, so the caliber of guest stars has been inflated accordingly (unlike his last “solo” album, 1st Infantry, which features Mobb Deep involvement on nearly half of the disc), but the inclusions of Fabolous, Snoop Dogg, Tha Dogg Pound, and Twista are questionable. Al's heart is clearly in the right place (see: “Grand Concourse Benches” with KRS-One and “Therapy” with Evidence, Blu, Talib Kweli, and a Kid Cudi performance that could have been rightfully deleted), but as a whole, Chemical Warfare is a package that would be best returned to sender. Overall, the disc is meh, although, oddly, the skits are pretty funny, so I have to give Al credit for that.

BONUS VIDEO:
Gangrene (Oh No + Alchemist) - "Under Siege"



-Max