Something Different: Beyonce - B'Day (September 1, 2006)

I can tell that the reasoning I provided when I wrote about the first Beyoncé Knowles solo album fell on deaf ears and eyes, so I’m forced to provide it once again for you two, even though most readers will have seen the subject of today’s post and walked away from the blog without giving it a chance. For one, I urge you to open your mind when it comes to experiencing music: limiting yourself to one genre or sub-genre shields you from other shit that you may actually enjoy, and I guaran-fucking-tee you that all of your favorite artists and producers listen to many different artists from all over the musical map. Second, I’ve run out of Jay-Z albums (again), and jumping over to his wife’s back catalog provides a different viewpoint of their shared career trajectory, one that I find fascinating to follow, even though I’m not expecting Bey to suddenly start rapping about flipping bricks and stabbing record label executives. Sometimes it’s good to broaden one’s horizons and to challenge one’s self.

Also, it helps when Beyoncé has some legitimately good songs under her belt.

B’Day is Beyoncé’s second solo album, following both her 2003 debut, Dangerously In Love, and the final effort from her former group Destiny’s Child, 2004's Destiny Fulfilled. It was originally supposed to drop a year after her debut, but her label, Columbia Records, delayed the project’s release in order to accommodate Beyoncé’s role in the film version of the Broadway musical Dreamgirls, and also to appease the other two members of Destiny’s Child.

Following the general blueprint of her debut, B’Day (whose release date was timed to coincide with the release date closest to her actual birthday) features many similar ingredients, including guest spots from her then-boyfriend Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter. Production came from some of the bigger names in hip hop and R&B at the time, such as Swizz Beatz, The Neptunes, Rodney “Darkchild” Jerkins, and Rich Harrison. The subject matter of the tracks rarely deviates from what was prevalent on pop radio airwaves at the time: our host sings about dancing, being in love, falling out of love, kicking ex-flames out of her house, and dancing some more. B’Day contains at least one song that many of her hive consider to be an all-timer in her catalog, along with several club-ready tracks that still get some burn today, so even though most may not be able to name the album these songs originated from, the tracks themselves seem to be rather beloved.

Unsurprisingly, B’Day was a huge success, selling a billion and three copies while boosting Beyoncé’s status as a musical icon. Whether or not you agree with that description, it’s hard to deny the impact she’s had not just on R&B, but also within our chosen genre, which is why I feel it’s fair game to take a look at her solo work just to see how her story aligns with that of her husband.

(*deep breath*)

1. DÉJÀ VU (FEAT. JAY-Z)

Is the first single from, B’Day named “Déjà vu” because of how similar it is to the first single from Dangerously In Love, “Crazy In Love”? Because if so, I would applaud Bey for her self-awareness, had this song been even a quarter as catchy. I did like how she brings in the individual elements of Darkchild’s instrumental at the very beginning, building both the track and B’Day as a whole, but back in 2006 “Déjà Vu” left me feeling nothing, and today it’s about the same. Our host belts with conviction about how much she loves her man over horns, and the hook is alright, but it still feels severely manufactured, not unlike all of the hits guest then-boyfriend Jay-Z claims to produce in his “factory” during one of his two verses. If “Crazy In Love” didn’t already exists, “Déjà Vu” may have been held in slightly higher regard, but alas.

2. GET ME BODIED
It’s not as though Swizz Beatz productions are known for their epic scope, but his work on “Get Me Bodied”, consisting primarily of handclaps, a drum machine, and ad-libs, sounds especially incomplete. That critique transfers to the song as a whole: the extended take, which appears later on the project, embodies more of the spirit our host was aiming for. Hell, the radio edit of “Get Me Bodied” (released nearly a year after B’Day first hit the charts) runs longer than the album cut. That’s just weird. Beyoncé’s ode to dressing up to kill it on the dance floor follows the blueprint of later Destiny’s Child club songs, but her lyrics rely too much on repetition instead of just letting the beat set the tone, and the overall effect feels hollow. I’ll have more to say about “Get Me Bodied” later on, though.

3. SUGA MAMA

Shifts the sound of B’Day significantly, as the soulful and funky-as-shit “Suga Mama” comes across as the love child of Amerie’s “1 Thing” and Bey’s own “Crazy In Love”. Fitting, then, that all three songs were produced by Rich Harrison. Our host’s celebration of being an independent woman who likes to provide for her arm candy is somehow both queso as fuck and entertaining, as she hits her notes as though she’s fully aware of the contradictions that are a part of this alleged lifestyle, and yet still loves it. She sounds happy, is what I’m saying. Harrison’s beat does a lot of work here to push “Suga Mama” over the top, but I can dig it. As it was never released as a proper single, you two may have never even heard of this one: I’d recommend you give it a shot.

4. UPGRADE U (FEAT. JAY-Z)

So I was today years old when I learned that “Upgrade U” was not produced by Swizz Beatz. His fingerprints are all over this Cameron Wallace instrumental, but he’s only given an additional production credit. Anyway, for a song where I always (and I mean always, as in every single goddamn time) think about a Kanye West throwaway jokey bar from a mixtape “remix” whenever I read the title, “Upgrade U” has aged much better than I think anyone ever expected, even though the music itself feels less fully realized than I remembered. Beyoncé still sounds like she’s having some fun over the beat, though: from flipping a line from Hov’s intro to open her first verse to the entire theme of the track (changing her partner to fit her needs so that he can experience the finer things in life), she’s obviously not taking this one all that seriously, and the playfulness wherein is palpable. Jay-Z’s guest verse is the only bit that never really worked for me – oddly, he comes off much better on “Déjà Vu”. But I digress.

5. RING THE ALARM

Swizzy produced “Ring The Alarm”, though, and the second single from B’Day remains a puzzling choice to me. I realize Mr. Alicia Keys was a hot commodity back in 2006 (and arguably still is in some circles), but the beat for this song is… awful. It’s loud and obnoxious, and I’m not just talking about the titular alarm that obviously gets worked into the instrumental, or else what are we even doing here, guys. Bey sings about the alarm that goes off in her head, Uma Thurman-in-Kill Bill-style, whenever she sees her man talking to a certain other woman. Rumor has it the song’s about Hov’s working relationship with Rihanna. It’s too bad that possible backstory is far more interesting than “Ring The Alarm” ever gets. Ugh.

6. KITTY KAT

How in the hell did this song leave the factory sounding like this? “Kitty Kat” is a patently ridiculous song that features a poor Neptunes instrumental from a time when people believed that everything Pharrell (but not Chad, as he did not contribute here) touched would turn platinum, even his half-assed experiments. Bey’s vocals can only be interpreted as her referring to her vagina as a separate person, choosing to end a flailing relationship and taking her elsewhere. (Said vocals were written by Shawn Carter, which makes them even weirder.) If you have a different read on “Kitty Kat”, I don’t want to hear it, as I don’t feel the need to ever hear anything regarding this song ever again, and that includes the song itself. Why the fuck didn’t Bey hold out for a better Neptunes instrumental?

7. FREAKUM DRESS

With “Freakum Dress”, Rich Harrison is two for two: his beat is so good that I was left wondering why Beyoncé even bothered going to Swizz Beatz and The Neptunes in the first place. The message of this track is very clear: her man hasn’t been treating her right, so Beyoncé is going out to get some dick. Or at least that’s what she wants her man to believe, as “Freakum Dress” embraces female sexuality and women going out to get what they want… until the very end, where our host tries to walk back the majority of the song by claiming it to be a fantasy scenario women in long-term relationships should try out whenever they feel they’re in a rut. Uh huh, sure. The song still sounded pretty goddamn good today, though: pop radio could use some more slabs of funk such as this.

8. GREEN LIGHT

Pharrell must have had an off day in the studio, because both of the Neptunes contributions to B’Day are fucking horrible. That, or Beyoncé isn’t the right collaborator for him. (Or maybe he just really need Chad Hugo’s assistance to make all of this sound palatable, who knows.) “Green Light” is a song about a relationship that has soured, the titular symbol being Bey’s signal to her man that it’s okay for him to choose to end things so that they can both go after what it is they really want. But if our host isn’t happy either, why can’t she terminate the relationship herself? I can’t imagine Beyoncé would be an independent woman who still refuses to initiate the break-up when she isn’t getting what she needs out of the relationship. “Green Light” is weirdly sexist in that way, and also terrible, so.

9. IRREPLACEABLE

I realize and can interpret “Green Light” as Beyoncé telling her man to leave, don’t get me wrong. But on the previous song, her message was muddled, as though she were second-guessing her own feeling. No such ambiguity on “Irreplaceable”, though: our host is telling her former man to get the fuck out. Originally written by Ne-Yo (and a team of others) to be performed from the male perspective (which would have been an awful idea), he swapped the gender roles and offered it to Beyoncé, who makes it her own, a breakup anthem your significant other finds empowering, especially when she’s out with her friends. Our host’s argument that you can be replaced with just the snap of her fingers is sullied a tiny bit by a line during the chorus, where she sort-of implies that she’s also been cheating, but if the relationship is over, I suppose all of the bad stuff is bound to come out during the argument, right? This isn’t bad for what it is, and it’s earned its place in our host’s pantheon of hits.

10. RESENTMENT

The proto-Lemonade. “Resentment” is a Walter Millsap III-produced plaintive ballad on which our host discovered that she’s been cheated on, but is desperate to find a way to forgive her partner and move forward, if only she could leave the feelings of anger and abandonment behind. This isn’t the pissed-off Beyoncé whose sister attacks her husband in elevators, though: this Beyoncé is clearly lost, unsure why the events transpired and bewildered by the fact that anything like this could ever happen when she was as loyal as one could be. As a song, it doesn’t entirely work: Bey sounds fine, but the overall mood set by the beat was kind of boring. Lyrically, it’ll be fascinating to see how she progresses to Lemonade from here. And I’m not saying “Resentment” is about Jay-Z. At all. But also, it could be?

The following three tracks are considered to be “hidden”.

11. ENCORE FOR THE FANS

We get it, you were in Dreamgirls. Okay then.

12. LISTEN (FROM DREAMGIRLS)

My last comment was too dismissive: it was nice of our host to explain why the tone of B’Day was about to make another significant shift. I just feel bad that Dreamgirls wasn’t that good of a movie, and Bet’s performance was overshadowed by three of her costars. (For the record: Jennifer Hudson was overrated as hell and didn’t deserve the Oscar, while Eddie Murphy actually did. Anika Noni Rose was the best of the titular group, though.) “Listen” (taken from the film’s soundtrack, obviously) is fine, but when put up against the rest of B’Day, it’s clear that it comes from a more theatrical background, and while Bey seems to be relishing the opportunity, this doesn’t fit into the program at all. You won’t listen to it more than once, if that.

13. GET ME BODIED (EXTENDED)

I’m ninety-seven percent convinced that Beyoncé uses the phrase “get retarded” multiple times throughout “Get Me Bodied” and this extended remix, which may be why you don’t really hear anywhere today, but I’m willing to be wrong here. Swizzy’s beat is exactly the same here, and it still sounds rather plain. But this remix, which doubles the length of the original track, exists solely for its second half, where Beyoncé leads the listener in a number of different dances. I liked that one of those was a quasi-callback to “Crazy In Love”, and the rest of them were decent, perfect for dancefloors, but it still feels cold and empty, except now it’s also longer.

The following year, Columbia Records released a video anthology collecting clips shot for tracks from B’Day. This was done in conjunction with a deluxe reissue of B’Day, which was expanded into a double-disc effort with twice as many songs as the original version. Why our host didn’t just use the opportunity to release a brand new album will become abundantly clear as this post drags on, but in my quest to seek out hidden gems on the road less traveled, this is the part of the write-up where I announce my intent to dive into the deluxe version of the project. For your sake, you’ll probably want to get a drink or something.

DISC ONE:

1. BEAUTIFUL LIAR (FEAT. SHAKIRA)

Sure, the Stargate-produced “Beautiful Liar” is more a marketing tool than a real song. Beyoncé repeats both Shakira’s and her own name multiple times throughout, and both stars receive an equal amount of screen time. But also, the song isn’t very good. Seemingly created in a conference room during a meeting among the members of the board, “Beautiful Liar” ticks all of the boxes for a paint-by-numbers collaboration where any two artists could be thrown into the mix with similar results. I know Columbia Records re-released B’Day to take advantage of “Beautiful Liar”, but I don’t remember this track ever being that big of a hit in the first place. Perhaps the listeners heard the same lack of effort as I did, as both Bey and Shakira have done much better work elsewhere. Strange. You don’t really expect the general public to agree with you on matters such as this.

2. IRREPLACEABLE

3. GREEN LIGHT

4. KITTY KAT

Neptunes tracks placed one right after the other. That can’t be coincidental, right?

5. WELCOME TO HOLLYWOOD

Good on producer Syience for selling this beat twice to the same fucking artists. “Welcome To Hollywood” is essentially an alternate take on “Hollywood” by Jay-Z featuring Beyoncé (off of Kingdom Come), except on here Hov provides ad-libs in lieu of a verse. I find it very hard to believe that both Jay and Bey loved this instrumental so much that they had to both find a way to use it, because it sucks. There’s a reason nobody ever brings up “Welcome To Hollywood” whenever talking about the best Bey songs, people. At least Jay’s version was mixed by Dr. Dre  – our host doesn’t even have that.

6. UPGRADE U

7. FLAWS AND ALL

This is actually really good, you two. Over a piano loop underscored with a drum machine and some fake vinyl pops and hisses, Beyoncé exposes herself as a human being that can’t understand how she was ever so luck to find the one. “Flaws and All”, co-written by Ne-Yo and Solange Knowles, shows a side of our host she just flat-out hid from us on all of B’Day: indeed, this one song is better than the majority of the album itself, if only because the vulnerability in her vocals is the most authentic she’s sounded all evening. I got a “Madonna doing a slower song like she did back in the 1990s and maybe the early 2000s”-vibe from this one, and I want that to be thought of as a compliment.

8. WORLD WIDE WOMAN

This song was corny as shit. You can probably tell from the title alone, but the Darkchild-produced “World Wide Woman” rides references to the Interweb until the wheels fall off, which, conveniently for everyone involved, including myself, occurs just when the song finally ends. “World Wide Woman” isn’t objectionable in any way: it’s just silly, too much so to ever take seriously. For those of you two in the reading audience who had been crossing their fingers for Beyoncé Knowles to get her GZA/Genius on, um, the fuck are you even doing here, my guy?

9. GET ME BODIED (EXTENDED MIX)

Bey completely eliminates the original version of this song in favor of its remix. Go figure.

10. IF

I was tempted to write that there is only one song called “If” that we recognize, and it belongs to Janet Jackson. I mean, that’s still the case, but Beyoncé’s “If” isn’t the worst song ever or anything. At least it isn’t the same as Janet’s track: on “If”, our host threatens her current partner that she’ll leave him for one of his friends if he doesn’t start reciprocating affection and such, which would just destroy that friend group, so in a way, Beyoncé comes across as the villain here. I kid, of course: it’s an empty threat, and besides, that relationship would never work out anyway. The Stargate beat is okay, and Bey sounded fine, but overall the song just kind of lies there.

11. FREAKUM DRESS

12. SUGA MAMA

Putting the two Rich Harrison bangers together? I see what you did there.

13. DÉJÀ VU

14. RING THE ALARM

15. RESENTMENT

16. LISTEN (FROM DREAMGIRLS)

DISC TWO:

1. AMOR GITANO (FEAT. ALEJANDRO FERNÁNDEZ)

Another collaboration devised in a boardroom, although “Amor Gitano” (which means “Gypsy Love”) forces our host out of her comfort zone, as she performs entirely in Spanish alongside Mexican crooner Alejandro Fernández (who, you can imagine, also put this song on his own album, Viento a Favor). It isn’t bad, although it does sound a bit schmaltzy, as one can imagine a cheesy love song would. But for someone who had to learn her lyrics phonetically, Beyoncé manages to sound alright with her vocals, and Fernández, in his natural habitat, does well on his own. This didn’t really need to feature Beyoncé, but she did write and produce the song, but hey, we’re just trying to sell records here. Which was a successful gambit: “Amor Gitano” is still the highest-selling single of all time in Spain, so.

2. OYE

“Listen” from Dreamgirls, except in Spanish. Just so you know.

3. IRREEMPLAZABLE

Although this is just “Irreplaceable”, it plays as Beyoncé doing a Spanish cover of her own song, interestingly enough. How you feel about “Irreemplazable” wholly depends on whether or not you liked the original song. For what it’s worth, I thought it wasn’t bad.

4. BELLO EMBUSTERO

Columbia truly went all0in on courting the Latinx market (and yes, I know that term wasn’t widely used back in 2007), as “Bello Embustero” is the Spanish version of “Beautiful Liar”. However, there’s one bizarre difference between the two: Shakira is nowhere to be found on this take (although she still receives a production credit). That’s right, you two, Beyoncé handles all of the lyrics on here for dolo, adding some more fuel to my “this song was written by committee for literally anybody to sing” theory. Shakira’s name is even removed from our host’s ad-libs. That’s just cold, Bey. I did learn today that Mr. Porter assisted with the programming on this song, though, which at least helps tie this in to the general theme of the blog, so good for him?

5. BEAUTIFUL LIAR (REMIX) (FEAT. SHAKIRA)

More of a radio edit than a remix, at least from what I could tell. Honestly, I wasn’t really paying attention – there are a lot of songs on the deluxe version, folks. But at least Shakira’s on this version.

6. BEAUTIFUL LIAR (SPANGLISH VERSION) (FEAT. SASHA)

Dear fucking Lord, nobody needs this many versions of “Beautiful Liar”! And this one is just fucking stupid, abandoning Shakira yet again so that Beyoncé and her alter-ego Sasha Fierce (who actually receives a feature credit, seriously) can sing both the English and the Spanish vocals, respectively. This remix is the aural equivalent of sucking your own dick, a Möbius strip of self-indulgence that will only end when the universe does. Shakira didn’t do anything to deserve this kind of treatment.

7. IRREEMPLAZABLE (NORTEÑA REMIX)

Hitting all of the Latinx quadrants, clearly. However, “Irreplaceable” fits the genre much better than you two may have expected. I would probably chuckle and continue sipping my drink if I heard this play at a quinceañera, but I wouldn’t be mad at all.

Both the standard and deluxe editions of B’Day included additional bonus songs that were spread out across country-specific varietals across the universe. I’m nothing is not thorough, so (*sighs*) here we go.

MY FIRST TIME

Although “My First Time” is absolutely what you think it’s about, as our host tells her partner that she’s ready and willing, it’s still notable that this is the only Neptunes instrumental of the evening worth even a quarter of a damn. Coincidentally, Chad Hugo has a writing credit on “My First Time”, which helps explain why there’s an actual fucking melody on here. Beyoncé’s performance is straight-up saccharine, but not offensively so, and the beat helps her sound sincere in her consent, which I suppose counts for something.

CREOLE

It took a deluxe edition bonus track that is only available in the United States if you purchase B’Day off of iTunes (or, you know, if you use YouTube, as I did here) for Rich Harrison to slip up behind the boards, but it finally happens on “Creole”, which still wasn’t all that bad musically: it’s just obvious that he was cribbing from his other collaborations with our host and coasting. Speaking of which, that’s exactly what Bey does on here, calling on Black women of all shades to come mix it up on the dance floor by equating them to… some kind of soup or stew? Such a weird metaphor Bey’s going for here. ”Creole” would probably work well in the club, in that “am I drunk, of is this Beyoncé? I’ve never even heard this one before”-kind of way.

STILL IN LOVE (KISSING YOU)

A cover of Des’ree’s “Kissing You” from the soundtrack to Baz Luhrmann’s William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet. It’s even produced by the same guy, Nellee Hooper, so as to be expected, Beyoncé hits the same general feel and tone. “Still In Love (Kissing You)” is infamous for triggering a lawsuit brought about by Des’ree herself, who filed a copyright claim citing that Beyoncé had no legal right to change the title of the song, nor did she have authorization to release a video for said cover. She must have had a solid case, as Columbia quickly swapped this song for “If”. For those of you two still with me here, this version is fine, but if you have the soundtrack in question somewhere in your collection (which, if you’re of a certain age, you very well do, as it was incredibly popular in its day), you’ll never need to hear Bey’s take, as there just isn’t a point.

CHECK ON IT (FEAT. SLIM THUG & BUN B)

A song about how checking out Beyoncé’s ass in a respectful manner could lead to something more. Got that? Good, because here’s a bunch more backstory for a track that really didn’t need it. “Check On It” allegedly began its life as a Beyoncé solo song  originally recorded for inclusion on the soundtrack to Steve Martin’s The Pink Panther remake, a movie I had forgotten Bey was even a part of (and also, I forgot it even existed, so) until just now. When it failed to make the cut, Houston stalwart Slim Thug was added to the mix, and when it came time to shoot the video, Thugga’s second verse was left off in favor of one from another H-Town legend, Bun B. Bey showing love to hometown rappers is always appreciated, but was “Check On It” really the best vehicle for all of this? And, weirdly enough, Swizz Beatz, who produced this entertaining-enough trifle, shouts out Destiny’s Child at the very beginning, and Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams allegedly provide background vocals and ad-libs, leading many to believe that this was originally supposed to be a Destiny’s Child group effort that Bey later bogarted. See, I told you it was too much backstory.

LOST YO MIND

Why even include the word “motherfucking” on the song if it’s just going to be censored? Anyway, the Swizz Beatz-produced “Lost Yo Mind” sounds like the argument that preceded “Irreplaceable”, as Bet is pissed off on here. Thankfully, Swizzy doesn’t even try to squeeze in any of his inane ad-libs, lest he be caught in the line of fire, as our host does everything in her power to not just beat the shit out of her ex right now. It’s an interesting diversion, and scholars who study Lemonade in the future will need to know that “Lost Yo Mind” exists, but do you really need to go out of your way to track it down? Nah. But one could say that about every single one of these extra tracks, right?

BACK UP

Perhaps I’m feeling a bit of euphoria, as “Back Up” is the last song I’m listing to for this write-up, but this was actually pretty entertaining. Darkchild’s production is much harder than expected, and even though Bey’s chorus specifically tells us that this song is for the clubs, she still sing-raps with conviction, working around the instrumental like a champ. The theme is overly cheesy (“Uh oh, here she comes / Watch out boy, she’ll chew you up” is a line from an entirely different song, but it’s still not that far off), but for a track that will likely sound even better when you’re drunk, cheesiness is hardly a disqualifying factor. And as this fulfills my pledge, I’d really appreciate it if you lifted the curse now, please.

There may be some additional extra songs that appeared on various international editions of B’Day, but for the love of fucking God please don’t make me track those down. Did you see how long this goddamn review was?

FINAL THOUGHTS: B’Day is not The Blueprint or anything of the sort: there is no narrative throughline to be found. Beyoncé Knowles wrote and recorded songs based on whatever topics she deemed worthy of singing about at the time, and most of this project reflects a happier mood (see: all the songs about dancing and being in love with love). This is just a collection of potential singles lumped together onto a single album, which, to be fair, is what most albums tend to be, and there is no shame or negative connotation to be implied here. B’Day’s short length (referring to the standard edition here) means that each song gets to its respective point quickly and then vanishes, and the tonal shifts aren’t jarring, even if our host’s general sense of mood swings back and forth throughout. There are some terrible production choices on B’Day from the A-list producers: both Neptunes songs should be erased from Columbia’s hard drive, and Swizz Beatz, who does okay, could still have done a better fucking job. Rich Harrison is B’Day’s MVP, both of his beats straight killing shit: the man’s body of work may deserve additional focus. B’Day will not appeal to hip hop heads who refuse to believe that other musical genres exist, or even just those who can’t stand Jay-Z for whatever reason, and for those of you two I just described, just go wait in the corner until another post gets published. But for everyone else who acknowledges that other music exists, you’re likely to find at least one song on here that you’ll enjoy. Beyoncé has been successful for nearly two decades for a reason.

BUY OR BURN: B’Day isn’t bad for a poppy R&B album, so if that’s your bag, you’ll find something ti like on here. I wouldn’t recommend springing for the deluxe reissue unless you find it at a garage sale for a buck or something, though.

BEST TRACKS: “Flaws and All”; “Freakum Dress”; “Suga Mama”; “Upgrade U”; “Back Up”

-Max

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