Philly's Most Wanted - Get Down or Lay Down (August 7, 2001)

Fortunately for the two of you who feel this particular way, I’ve run out of projects from Pusha T and No Malice, or their Virginia-based rap duo Clipse, to write about for this stunt month. However, I’ve found what I believe to be a decent-enough substitute that checks off most of the boxes: Philly’s Most Wanted, a duo from Philadelphia (duh) who spit a lot of drug raps over mostly Neptunes instrumentals. Yep, this is a rap duo that really existed at one point, and although they aren’t brothers, the Neptunes used them as a backup act to hone their skills with while they tried to figure out how to get Push and Mal their second shot in the rap game. So you could think of Philly’s Most Wanted as Clipse North, if you'd like. I’m certainly not going to stop you.

Philly’s Most Wanted consists of two friends, Boo Bonic and Mr. Man, both of whom seem to have acquired their rap monikers after having lost a bet. I don’t know much about their story, and the Interweb isn’t the most helpful resource when it comes to these guys, so I couldn’t figure out exactly what it is they did to secure a deal with Atlantic Records toward the end of the last millennium. If their lyrics are any indication, hustling plays a large role in their lives, but that descriptor could be applied to literally every single other rapper in existence.

What I do know is that Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo, better known as the production duo The Neptunes, discovered the duo and helped them get that record deal. The Neptunes were not yet a household name, and they hadn’t changed the sound of rap and R&B radio at this point: instead, they were reeling from the failure of Exclusive Audio Footage, the debut album from the Clipse (themselves fellow Virginians) that was shelved by Elektra Records after their first single, “The Funeral” was considered a failure. Pharrell and Chad had produced Exclusive Audio Footage in its entirety, this being their first attempt at pulling some weight within our chosen genre after having scored a growing number of hit songs, primarily in the R&B field. Pusha T and Malice were shuffled to the sidelines as the four tried to determine exactly what went wrong. (They obviously figured that shit out, as the Clipse’s second attempt at a debut album, Lord Willin’, was released by Jive Records in 2002 to critical acclaim and a large volume of sales.)

My guess is that Pharrell and Chad saw Boo Bonic and Mr. Man as a second chance, another opportunity to try to produce a rap album filled with coke raps and misogynistic content, in order to prove to the music industry that they were in it for the long haul. (I repeat: Clipse North.) Thus, the first Philly’s Most Wanted album, Get Down or Lay Down, was born. The Neptunes handle the bulk of the beats on here, their sound still exploring avenues that the duo hadn’t yet mastered (indeed, one of their instrumentals is such a direct lift of Noreaga’s “Superthug”, one of their early hits, that it’s something of a miracle that N.O.R.E.’s label, Tommy Boy Records, didn’t try to sue Pharrell and Chad for selling the same beat to different artists.) To complete the illusion that this was a stealth Neptunes project that happened to feature Boo Bonic and Mr. Man on every song, the duo filled the ranks with their frequent collaborators to help maintain a consistent sound across their catalog: vocalists Kelis and Tammy Lucas make appearances, as do rappers Roscoe P. Coldchain and, yep, you guessed it, their longtime friends Pusha T and No Malice, who they kept gainfully employed recording cameo verses with everyone they worked with while trying to make sense of their career.

Get Down or Lay Down was released in 2001, after a year-long delay triggered by Atlantic Records not being fully confident in the product they were positioned to sell. I can’t imagine that Pharrell and Chad saw this as anything but the result of some sort of curse placed upon them: everything they touched seemed to be destined to bomb at the box office. When Get Down or Lay Down finally saw release in August of 2001, however, the Neptunes had already hit their stride, most likely forgetting that their contributions to the debut album from Philly’s Most Wanted ever existed in the first place. They also probably completely forgot about Mr. Man and Boo Bonic, as well, as our hosts cut ties with The Neptunes prior to the release of their second (and final) album in 2004.

Those of you two who were craving more Clipse posts from me this month (at least before realizing that I’ve long since ran out of shit to write about) may find something to like on Get Down or Lay Down, so I’d encourage you to listen along on Spotify. Everyone else, um, maybe go listen to DAYTONA again?

1. RADIKAL (FEAT. KELIS)

Bypassing the rap album intro trope, our dynamic duo opts to introduce themselves to the masses by doing the actual work of delivering verses. Of course, since we have no fucking idea who these guys even are at this point, all we understand is that Boo Bonic and Mr. Man traffic in the same degree of boasts-n-bullshit as every other rapper in existence. Their street hustler rhymes aren’t punctuated by the Neptunes instrumental, which is less melodic and more straightforward than you may have remembered Pharrell and Chad’s work to be back in 2001, but it does the job, even if the hook from Kelis was utterly unnecessary. Boo Bonic sort of sounds like Noreaga after having taken a hit of helium (which helps explain why he’s the better of the two while performing over the bling-iness of it all), while Mr. Man comes across as a Memphis Bleek impersonator, which isn’t a bad trait, but it is a distracting one, especially as now all I want to hear is a N.O.R.E. and Bleek collaborative project. Still prefer this over an intro, though.

2. Y’ALL CAN’T NEVER HURT US

Hey Clipse fans, I found that drug content you so crave. “Y’all Can’t Never Hurt Us” is hilarious to me for two reasons, neither of which could possibly be intentional: (1) the shit-talking ion the hook being immediately followed by a distorted vocal passively reciting the song’s title reminded me a bit too much of Kool Keith’s “You Live At Home With Your Mom”, as performed by his Dr. Dooom persona, and (2) the coke talk on here is so prevalent that it quickly becomes a parody of itself, as though Mr. Man and Boo Bonic had challenged each other to see who could mention the sale and distribution of bricks more. So this was silly as hell and I just could never take it seriously. T-Mix’s instrumental, for what it’s worth, wasn’t bad, though.

3. SUCKAS

This is exactly the type of “Superthug”-esque Neptunes beat that I sought out in the early part of the millennium (back when I tried to track down everything Pharrell and Chad touched), its club-readiness acting as a perfect foil for the artists involved. It’s just too damn bad that “Suckas” wasn’t given to better rappers, though, as both Mr. Man and Boo Bonic, um, suck on here. The entire song is the duo’s diatribe against folks they cheerfully refer to as “Suckas” (which seems to boil down to “poor men whose significant others have taken a liking to our hosts”, obviously), which is fine, I’ve heard worse. But it seems to not have ever occurred to either rapper until the final verse that perhaps they should designate themselves as “not suckers” somehow. The rhymes are so bland, and the beat was right fucking there. This could have been a contender, but instead you’ll walk away frustrated.

4. PRETTY TONY

An overlong skit that shows nothing but the utmost respect for women. Well, at least the “overlong skit” descriptor was the truth.

5. PLEASE DON’T MIND (FEAT. ANDRE WILSON)

Ah yes, the mandatory “song for the ladies” that all major labels insist help the artist reach a wider audience, but there aren’t many self-respecting women who would seek out Get Down or Lay Down after reading that one of the bars on “Please Don’t Mind” is, verbatim, “Chick listen up / You want dick or what?”. That literally happens. This is a line Mr. Man speaks into existence. And it’s not like Boo Bonic does any better, either. The entirety of “Please Don’t Mind” is about promiscuous sex and then bailing on your partner, as “that’s how thugs do”, according to crooner Andre Wilson during the hook. Boo also boasts about “hit[ting] more bitches than Ike Turner”, which, sorry, fuck that shit. Our hosts are fucking atrocious on this song, but neither has the talent or clout to pull it off, and before you try to challenge me, I know there are plenty of rap songs in the world that treat women as sperm receptacles. What a waste of a decent Neptunes instrumental. Is it too late for it to be sold to Ma$e or somebody?

6. PHILLY CELEBRITIES

In which Mr. Man and Boo Bonic (I cannot get over how fucking stupid those nicknames are) position themselves as “Philly Celebrities” who enjoy the finer things in life, or at least get to spend a small country’s GDP on new cars and shit. They do so without ever really explaining how they’ve reached their previous status, and even though hip hop is built on a foundation of talking shit, this error of omission is hard to swallow. This is Philly’s Most Wanted’s debut album: there’s no fucking way they’d be as rich as they claim. (Sure, the drug talk likely plays a role, but that doesn’t make any of this any more believable, and you’ll probably sit there and listen while hoping these guys put at least some of their advance into a high-yield savings account.) Hell, producers Pharrell and Chad didn’t even have that kind of money when “Philly Celebrities” was recorded. Speaking of which, the tail end of “Philly Celebrities” betrays the fact that this song was originally supposed to be released at some point in 1999. I suppose nobody thought to edit that a bit when Get Down or Lay Down finally dropped in 2001? It isn’t as though this was a hot single where every bar had been burned into the listener’s subconscious or anything: you guys could have totally gotten away with changing the words here.

7. LADIES CHOICE (FEAT. PHARRELL WILLIAMS & TAMMY LUCAS)

I’ve sat through six tracks in the hopes of finding a legitimate good song, rather than a couple of decent beats, and I regret to inform you that the seventh, “Ladies Choice”, doesn’t fit the bill either. Even the Neptunes instrumental is fucking boring, which makes it strange that this song is the one where Skateboard P (who absolutely wasn’t going by that name back then) finally comes into the booth to ad-lib and such. He shares the hook with Tammy Lucas, neither of them finding the relevancy of this collaboration as Mr. Man and Boo Bonic give the listener a slightly-more-respectful “Please Don’t Mind”, although they still boast about fucking bitches and such. If there’s even just one woman who gave a shit about Philly’s Most Wanted back in 2001, I’d be surprised, and then appalled. Just one. I want names, people.

8. THE QUESTION

Skit…

9. CROSS THE BORDER

Philly’s Most Wanted obviously went all-out for “Cross the Border”: as the project’s lead single, they used one of the catchiest Pharrell and Chad concoctions the duo had ever conjured up, one that would sound great over radio airwaves. And then the song was banned from radio and BET due to the implication that the song was about smuggling drugs. Because that is exactly what “Cross the Border” is about, folks: just because Mr. Man and Boo Bonic think they’re being slick by never explicitly saying it doesn’t make them so. Shit, Boo Bonic appears to misspell “Cancun” at one point in the proceedings, so this is certainly not the work of a master drug kingpin. The hook is also cheesy as all hell: say whatever you want about the Clipse, but Pusha and Malice never had to resort to that kind of parlor trick (often, anyway – I’m aware that song with Faith Evans exists). Ah well, the beat still works for me today, anyway. When will we ever hear an actual good song though?

10. DREAM CAR (DO YOU WANNA RIDE) (FEAT. PHARRELL WILLIAMS)

This Neptunes beat is okay, I suppose, but what was it about the subject matter that caused Pharrell to feel that he absolutely had to contribute here? “Dream Car (Do You Wanna Ride)” seems to be about having enough disposable income to be able to afford a nice car, and then fucking in said car, and then fucking the car? The song is really all over the place, folks: having Skateboard P threaten-slash-promise the uncredited vocalist with a trip “to Orgasm Street” during the bridge is just the tip (ha!) of the iceberg. I honestly have no idea what this mixed metaphor is trying to accomplish, but rest assured, this shit was awful, so you’ll never need to experience it for yourselves.

11. THE REASON

Skit…

12. WHAT MAKES ME

The Epitome beat plays like something DMX would have once used, or maybe the various members of The Lox, and surprisingly, Mr. Man and Boo Bonic sound pretty good over it. Mr. Man gets two verses to himself, which was an interesting choice, but maybe Boo had simply ruin out of street hustler raps that had been filtered through Joe Pesci’s performance in Goodfellas? “What Makes Me” is riddled with clichés that it would never receive FDA approval, and yet it isn’t the worst thing out there, even if our hosts are less than convincing in their violent personas. Ah well.

13. SUCKAS PT. 2 (FOR DA GANGSTAS) (FEAT. BEANIE SIGEL)

If the beat for the original “Suckas” is “Superthug”-esque, then the instrumental for this sequel may as well be the “Superthug” beat, as you will hear so many similarities that you’ll secretly wish Noreaga would pop up for a cameo instead of fellow Philly celebrity Beanie Sigel. Or you’ll think that the Neptunes had already run out of production ideas. Either way, you would be correct. “Suckas Pt. 2 (For Da Gangstas)” is the best track on Get Down or Lay Down, and it’s not even close, but it’s certainly not due to the efforts of Mr. Man and Boo Bonic, both of whom do what they’re able, but ultimately submit to Beans, whose tight verse is funny (especially when he lists some of the dumbass names he refers to his customers as) and threatening all at once. That’s what a lot of folks don’t realize about the “Superthug” instrumental: it’s actually quite sinister, you just can’t tell until it’s too late, the playful drums and synths having lulled you into a false sense of security. This song holds up surprisingly well today, even if Philly’s Most Wanted do not. (Roscoe P. Coldchain receives a curious “additional vocals” credit, as he performs on the chorus, in case you two are completists like that.)

14. THE GAME

I have zero idea what Mr. Man meant when he said, “You don’t really think I’m grown? Kidnap me” during his opening verse. I can see potential for a clever-yet-reaching bar, but that’s not the impression I’m getting from “The Game” (or Get Down or Lay Down, to be honest), as that would imply that he and Boo Bonic spent hours parsing over their lyrics to tighten up the wordplay. “The Game” is the complete package: the performances from our hosts are bland and unconvincing boasts-n-bullshit, and T-Mix’s instrumental is boring as shit. “The Game” is a song that exists, but why though?

15. PIECE OF THE PIE

Was this really the best place to insert another skit, guys?

16. STREET TAX (FEAT. CLIPSE)

Serves merely to connect the dots between Philly’s Most Wanted and the Clipse. Over an actually pretty fucking hard Neptunes instrumental, Pusha T and No Malice (or Terrar and Malice, as they were known back then), ever the loyal friends to Pharrell and Chad (a partnership that has paid off well for all four parties), outpace their contemporaries without even breaking a sweat, but I’m not saying Push and Mal are good on here: no, I’m saying Mr. Man and Boo Bonic are terrible. There’s no way Terrence and Gene would have ever walked away from this track not having been victorious, you know? Back in the 1999-2001 timeframe they practically breathed Neptunes beats. It’s a shame that “Street Tax” wasn’t a hidden gem, unless one is counting the beat, which, god damn.

17. THIS BITCH

If you’re going to blame the woman for all of the problems in your relationship, a good way to generate sympathy is to not call your song “This Bitch”. A very solid meh. And this shit was produced by a young Just Blaze, so.

18. CROSS THE BORDER (J.B.M. REMIX) (FEAT. TERRAR & FABOLOUS)

Did you listen to “Cross the Border” and wish that the Clipse had utilized the beat for their own coke raps instead? Pharrell and Chad heard your demands, and as a middle finger to the listener, the “J.B.M”,” remix (which stands for “Junior Black Mafia” tacked on because they thought it sounded cool, I guess?) abandons that instrumental in favor of a simpler, not-bad loop, and also only Pusha T received the invitation to contribute (even though he doesn’t receive any writing credit in the liner notes, which has to just be an oversight, right?). He and fellow guest Fabolous (the hell?) dance around the synth notes while Boo Bonic and Mr. Man find themselves pelted by hail, even though the subject matter remains exactly the same. Kelis pops back in to sing the hook, which is at least not quite as dumb as on the original. But unless you’re a diehard Loso fan, you can bypass this one.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Oh dear fucking Lord, was this album terrible. Get Down or Lay Down could have made history as the first rap album where the producers credited their beats to Alan Smithee in order to not be associated with the atrocious bars from Mr. Man and Boo Bonic, had The Neptunes felt they no longer had anything to prove at the time. Rappers talk about selling drugs and having sex with your girlfriend all the time, but the way our hosts in Philly’s Most Wanted do it, none of it sounds glamorous or appealing: they make all of it sound like a chore. Some of these beats are pretty entertaining (and not just the ones from Pharrell and Chad): there’s signs of real promise here, and beat junkies who have followed The Neptunes will find that aspect of Get Down or Lay Down fascinating, at least. (I did, anyway.) But anyone here that considers themselves a fan of hip hop will be forced to agree that Get Down or Lay Down sucks. You won’t ever listen to this album again, and nobody on the planet would ever blame you. For more creative coke raps, there’s obviously Pusha T (not so much No Malice, as he’s switched paths), but there is also nearly every single other rapper in existence that raps about hustling. Seek out any of those folks instead and leave this one to the wolves, unless you’re me and you absolutely must know about the Neptunes beats, which are truly the only saving grace here.

BUY OR BURN? Neither. This album is for masochists and Neptunes scholars only, and even then it isn’t required listening.

BEST TRACKS: “Suckas Pt. 2 (For Da Gangstas)”; the beat on “Street Tax”; parts of “What Makes Me”

-Max