M.O.P. - Handle Ur Bizness (EP) (January 20, 1998)

Prior to the inevitable burning myself out that will happen after the May stunt blogging effort, I've decided to be easy on myself and review an EP release from M.O.P. Handle Ur Bizness was released in 1998 as a placeholder for fans who were chomping at the bit for another full-length from the Mash Out Posse, and is typically classified as a "maxi-single" in their catalog, which basically means that nobody acknowledges this as an actual album. But the fucking thing has an intro and skits, folks: if that doesn't qualify Handle Ur Bizness as an album, then I don't know what will.

I'm keeping this intro short so that I can rest up before May starts. So start telling your friends now, and start hitting up the comments section as frequently as you can, as the level of reader involvement will dictate whether I'm up for doing something like this again.

Enjoy this taste. I'm going to take a nap now.

1. NBCFWM
After a goofy intro involving the hijacking of a certain "hot" radio station in New York (in an attempt to force more "hardcore" music onto the airwaves), Billy Danze and Lil' Fame appear on the scene rhyming to a boring Laze E Laze beat. The two men sound alright, but once the narrative shifts back to the radio station, the track becomes both confusing (M.O.P. seem to be indirectly dissing Puff Daddy, and yet they would go on to work with the man later) and inappropriate, given current historical context (what happens next is referred to as "worse than the World Trade Center bombing", a reference that wouldn't come close to making it onto an album produced today).

2. SOUNDMAN
The idea of M.O.P. performing a live show alongside actual musicians is pretty amusing, but ultimately, this is just an interlude.

3. HANDLE UR BIZNESS
The vocals sound pretty good; you could probably work out to this shit, since both guys sound as amped as they would, had they been both drinking green tea all day. The Laze E Laze beat, though, is entirely miscast, diverting attention for all of the wrong reasons, making the track a misfire.

4. WAY OF THE WORLD
Starts off alright, but is taken to the next level by Lil' Fame's hyper-aggressive second verse, making this one of the most underrated entries in the Mash Out Posse canon. Nice!

5. SHADY GRADY'S BAR AND GRILL
A spoken word interlude on an M.O.P. album? What the hell? At least the Mash Out Posse utilize the constructs of this form of "entertainment" to thank their fans, so I'll let it slide.

6. MOVE SOMETHING
The beat may have sounded better for a pair of artists that elect not to strain their vocal chords when reciting anything, up to and including grocery lists, the "b" section of the yellow pages, and rap lyrics. The contrast is distracting (as it is every time M.O.P. chooses to do this), which is unfortunate, as both Billy Danze and Lil' Fame both sound alright, save for the weak hook.

7. COLD WORLD
Not a cover of the Gza/Genius classic, although writing that last statement now makes me wonder what M.O.P. would sound like over some harder Rza production. Anyway, the concept of a "cold world" (along with its philosophical companion, "dress warm") has been a part of hip hop for quite a while, and although neither rapper brings anything new to the table, what they do contribute is still commendable. The beat is incredibly annoying, though.

8. HANDLE UR BIZNESS (PREMIER REMIX)
DJ Premier takes M.O.P.'s lyrics and attempts to provide a better backdrop, but falters uncharacteristically, thanks to the use of what is probably one of the most unconventional Primo beats in recent memory. The remix itself is alright but unsatisfactory, since it's not as if either rapper re-recorded their vocals.

FINAL THOUGHTS: M.O.P.'s Handle Ur Bizness EP was intended to be a teaser trailer of sorts for their next full-length project, First Family 4 Life, but except for one really good song and some surprisingly well-executed skits, the duo may have been better off fast-forwarding to the feature presentation. I realize I'm probably the only guy in the world that will trash "Handle Ur Bizness" (both the original and, especially, Primo's remix), but it just wasn't a very good song, regardless of how animated the respective deliveries of Lil' Fame and Billy Danze are, so of course, in my mind I'm questioning the logic of building an EP around inferior tracks.

BUY OR BURN? There is truly no need to buy this EP. Hardcore M.O.P. fanatics will already have these songs in some form, but for the newbies, this is not the ground floor. This is more like Mash Out Posse 201, and there are prerequisites you need to fulfill first.

BEST TRACKS: "Way Of The World"

-Max

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Reader Review: Lil' Wayne - Tha Carter III (August 18, 2008)

(Yeah, so here's the deal: I didn't listen to Tha Carter III, and I have no immediate plans to do so. But Archibald, late of his recommendation of Common's Universal Mind Control, has, so in the interest of fairness for all facets of the hip hop diamond, I'm letting him have the floor, nearly italic-free, because he has a lot to say and I want him to get started already, and also, what part of "I haven't listened to it" can't be understood?. Leave your comments in the usual place, and who knows: if enough people start leaving messages, I may actually try to find this at my local library someday.)

Okay, so I have a confession to make: Tha Carter III is NOT my favorite rap album. By far, that honor would be held by Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) by the Wu-Tang Clan, a group so amazingly great that any time another rapper tries to rip them off they usually hit paydirt (See Carter, Shawn and Reasonable Doubt. Dude should have just cut Raekwon a check for wholesale biting the style of Only Built 4 Cuban Linx...).

However, do we really need to talk about the Wu-Tang any more? The answer to that question is “Probably. But not today.”

I knew that I wanted to write a review for the site, and I racked my brain for other hip hop albums I knew front to back, and discovered that those albums were either all Wu-centric affairs, or this other little-loved indie album that’s only like ten tracks long, I’m pretty sure it’s called Illmatic or some crazy shit. And then I thought back to somewhat of a lost weekend that I had in the months of June and July last year (clearly he was bumping a bootleg, since the disc wasn't released until August of 2008), where all I listened to was one very, very popular rap album made by America’s favorite codeine enthusiast. Guess what we’re I’m referring to. I dare you.

Yep.

Today we shall discuss the curious case of DeWayne Carter Jr., a young man both loved and reviled in hip hop circles for rapping about unimaginative topics in the most imaginative way possible, a young man who has taken to calling himself the “Best Rapper Alive,” a move that, last time I checked, wasn’t controversial at all.

I’ll get back to Wayne, but first I want to spend a couple minutes with Jay-Z. Who has two thumbs and hates the last person who called himself the “Best Rapper Alive?” This guy (this is the part where I’m point both of my thumbs at myself, but you can’t really see me doing that as you’re reading this on the internet as opposed to hearing me drunkenly ramble about this at some keg party). Point is, fuck that guy. He made it big ripping off Biggie, Nas, and the Wu and then threw both Nas and Jaz-O (his mentor and the guy who gave him his name) under a bus once he made it big. The guy has never had an original thought in his life, and literally all of his songs depend on the production for success like those fucking vampires in the Twilight books depend on blood (or abstinence) to remain alive. And he holds himself up like he’s this paragon of unmatched lyricism, and then he releases song after song about how fucking rich he is.

The point of the preceding paragraph is that I’m not exactly bummed that Weezy took that title away from the Jiggaman; however, if there were any justice in this world the best rapper alive crown would be worn by somebody like Wale or Blu, two rappers who are roughly the same age as Weezy F. Baby but miles out of his league lyrically and way more sober. However, you’ve got to hand it to Wayne: Tha Carter III was a monster in the sales department, having sold three million copies in a year where an album made by a super-group featuring Sly Stone, Michael Jackson, a fresh-out-of-hiding-in-the-Bahamas Tupac, and featuring not one but two guest verses by Bigfoot (who I’ve heard has a pretty good flow) probably would have struggled to go gold. So regardless of how much Max and the rest of the internet would like to plug their ears and pretend it didn’t happen, Tha Carter III demands to be discussed. So without further adieu:

1. 3 PEAT
You’ve got to hand it to Wayne, he’s actually legitimately dedicated to lyricism, at least in the sense that he’s not just going to let the production do the work for him. This songs clocks in at over three minutes, and for the majority of the track, it’s just Wayne spitting his shit, sans hook. The instrumental functions mainly as background for Wayne to rap over, but the strings towards are a nice surprise and give the song a classical lean (pun intended). I guess the strings shouldn’t really be that big of a surprise, seeing as the track was produced by some dude named Maestro.

2. MR. CARTER (FEAT JAY-Z)
When this track first burst on the scene, everybody tried to place the dusty soul sample that functions as the track’s hook. Turns out said sample is non-existent; it was sung by one of the track’s producers and then manipulated to sound old and sped-up. With the exception of the sample, the instrumental is pretty organic, which is gigantically fucking jarring when compared to “3 Peat,” which sounds like it was composed on a Macbook in like fifteen minutes. Weezy gets bonus points for poop jokes, but he loses points for laughing at said jokes, which is a habit of his that gets annoying. Jay-Z doesn’t do the track any favors by talking about how he’s a martyr, and then talking about how rich he is. Again, fuck that guy. I still like this song though.

3. A MILLI
So yeah, Bangladesh (the idiot who produced this track) stole a sample of Phife Dawg saying the phrase “A milli” from the intro Tribe’s reggae-tinged (and Fatboy Slim-produced) remix to “I Left My Wallet in El Segundo.” That was a stupid move. But Wayne, for the second time in three songs, does that trick where he just raps for three minutes and keeps your attention for most of it. He compares himself to Andre 3000, which is actually a valid comparison I think. Weezy kind of actually raps like Andre 3000, assuming he were on more (or, depending on where you get your information from, different) drugs.

4. GOT MONEY (FEAT T-PAIN)
I’m pretty sure that they’re going to take my right to use the internet away from me as punishment for liking this song. But I have a confession to make: I LOVE willfully shitty hip hop. It’s almost like Lil Wayne had a checklist of things he had to write about for the song that was obviously to meant to be a hit single: having lots money, how much girls love him, vague threats to those who associate with the police, having lots of expensive jewelry, referencing a bunch of old hits, referencing all of his nicknames, autotune. All are accomplished in short order. And Jesus Fucking Christ, I fucking love this song so much. Also, kudos to the video, which for some bizarre reason tries to pretend the song is about robbing a bank because of Hurricane Katrina.

5. COMFORTABLE (FEAT BABYFACE)
Okay so if I haven’t already lost you, please bear with me because I’m about to tie hip hop and country together. So in the fifties, there was this trend in Honky Tonk called “the response song” where a female would respond to the lyrics of a male singer’s song. As in, Hank Williams would record a song called “Cold Cold Heart” and then a girl would record a response song called “My Cold Cold Heart is Melted Now.” Well, “Comfortable” borrows this trend and functions as a response to Beyonce’s “Irreplaceable.” The basic thesis of “Irreplaceable” was, “You will never find another girl like me. I am irreplaceable.” “Comfortable” responds by saying, “You are incorrect. I will find another girl like you. Fuck off.” It’s pretty clear that this is Kanye-produced track is a leftover that was collecting dust on his hard drive, because it doesn’t really mesh with the production styles of his Graduation prog-rap or the beep-centric emo bullshit that was 808’s & Heartbreak.

6. DR. CARTER
Lil Wayne pretends to be a doctor, which is a pretty funny thing to think about seeing as I’m pretty sure the dude didn’t finish high school. (To be fair, he was attending college classes in Houston right up until he became really huge.) I swear to God this song wouldn’t sound out of place on a Tribe album. Also, in the song Dr. Carter lets two out of his three patients die, which by any calculation makes him a pretty shitty doctor.

7. PHONE HOME
Cool & Dre should not be allowed to produce any more music. That is all.

8. TIE MY HANDS (FEAT. ROBIN THICKE)
When I first saw this song’s title and heard that it was produced by Robin Thicke, I KNEW that this song was about fucking. And then I listened to it, and it’s actually an honest, poignant representation of the frustrations held by a lot of New Orleans residents after Hurricane Katrina. On the other hand, he talks about shooting somebody’s grandmother in the face on the album’s first song, so I guess that kind of discounts what he says here.

9. MRS. OFFICER (FEAT. BOBBY VALENTINO)
The first time I heard this song, I thought it was fucking hilarious. It’s about having sex with a police officer. And then I realized that this song is stupid. Moving on.

10. LET THE BEAT BUILD
Wayne just kind of babbles about random bullshit here, so I guess that now is a good point in the write-up to address why I think that people hate Lil Wayne so much. His writing process basically just involves him taking a bunch of drugs and rapping about the first thing that comes to mind. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s most often interesting. This is not a man who puts a lot of thought into his raps. But then again, does Kool Keith really make that much sense?

11. SHOOT ME DOWN (FEAT D. SMITH)
This song is about Lil Wayne talking tough to a mirror and then shooting himself in the chest on accident. But it comes off like a shitty Linkin Park song, which is pretty funny because Busta Rhymes actually did a song with Linkin Park that sounds WAY worse than this song, that isn’t all that great to begin with. So at least Weezy probably got his shitty track for way cheaper than Busta did.

12. LOLLIPOP (FEAT STATIC MAJOR)
Remember that time about a year ago when you couldn’t swing a dead cat without hearing this song? Yeah, me too. Ironically, Wayne sings a lot like said dead cat, only ran through Autotune.

13. LA LA (FEAT BRISCO AND BUSTA RHYMES)
Speaking of Busta, he pops up here and provides a bizarre verse about how diseased his money is. Brisco is just wallpaper here, but he drops a good line about how he’s higher than gas prices. However, the less said about this beat, the better. Those looking for an actual good song should go for the unreleased track “La La La” which is a different song that probably didn’t see the light of day because of sample bullshit.

14. PLAYING WITH FIRE (FEAT BETTY WRIGHT)
This song steals wholesale from the Rolling Stones song of the same name, and the Stones got pissed off about it and sued Lil Wayne for tarnishing their image (yeah, because the Rolling Stones didn’t do lots of drugs and have lots of sex with random women) and successfully got the song removed from all future pressings of Tha Carter III, which is a shame, because this is a pretty good song.

15. YOU AIN’T GOT NUTHIN (FEAT FABOLOUS AND JUELZ SANTANA)
Alchemist and Deezle cook up an ominous instrumental over which Fab, Juelz Santana and Wayne make threats to an unknown entity, presumably for the offense of “hating.” Weezy bats cleanup here, and wins the “C. Montgomery Burns Best Verse Award,” partially for the correct use of the word “asinine,” but mainly because he manages to sound like a complete and total crazy person.

16. DONTGETIT
I’ll admit, I have a soft spot in my heart for Nina Simone (what, you thought I only listened to hip hop?), so I love it when she’s sampled in hip hop songs. Anywho, the two verses on here are actually pretty great. It’s stuff like this that makes Lil Wayne actually pretty good. If you listen to this song, he manages to sound intelligent, threatening, stupid, and funny, sometimes all at the same time. After dropping his verses, DeWayne smokes a blunt in the booth and launches into a rant about drug laws and Al Sharpton. And like that, the album ends.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Lil Wayne is not the best rapper alive. He is also not the worst. However, he is probably the most popular rapper today, which kind of makes people hate him. The songs on here are pretty neatly put into three categories: hardcore songs with hyper-violent lyrics, songs that are meant to be “conscious” or at least show a modicum of intelligence, and finally the songs that are overtly poppy and meant to be released as singles. Overall, Tha Carter III isn’t really all that different from other hip hop albums. Now I know that Saigon or some other internet indie bullshit is probably “better” than Lil Wayne, but honestly, do we always need better? Can’t we just settle for entertaining? In closing, this is my third-favorite rap album. Oh yeah, and blah blah blah Joe Budden Royce da 5’9, when is Wale’s album coming out, whatever.

BUY OR BURN? Let’s be real here. If you don’t already own this album, you aren’t going to buy it. If you are old, you will ignore Tha Carter III’s existence and listen to O.C.’s first album again, and if you are young, you will probably illegally download it. So there.

BEST TRACKS: “Mr. Carter,” “Got Money,” “Dr. Carter,” “Playing With Fire,” “DontGetIt”

-Archibald

(That was an awful lot of words for an album that a lot of hip hop heads automatically dismiss. so you may want to double back and read the damn thing, if for nothing else but the entertainment value. Comments can be left below, as always.)

My Gut Reaction: Asher Roth - Asleep In The Bread Aisle (April 20, 2009)

So I'm trying something new this time around: Instead of running all of the Reader Reviews back to back over the course of the next couple of weeks, I'm going to instead disperse them randomly in between my normal posts. This comes after receiving feedback from some readers advising that those particular write-ups shouldn't distract folks from the main reason they visit the blog. I've always felt that seeing someone else's opinion makes for a more well-informed, well-rounded decision-making process, but maybe that's just me. So we'll see how it goes this time around. And besides, if I did run all of the submissions in one shot, I wouldn't be able to write about what is arguably the second most highly anticipated hip hop album by a white rapper in 2009, Asher Roth's Asleep In The Bread Aisle.

Most folks who frequent hip hop blogs will be aware of the Asher Roth backstory, but for those who don't know the guy from Adam, he's a rapper from Morrisville, Pennsylvania, who was signed by Steve Rifkind (late of his biggest venture, Loud Records, which was once home to some of the biggest names in hip hop) and is now being promoted as yet another Great White Hope for our chosen genre. His mixtape freestyles have been met with acclaim (as has his official mixtape, The Greenhouse Effect: Volume One), and the man has even helped prevent a fucking terrorist attack on American soil. (True fact.) But the only exposure Asher Paul Roth has received in the mainstream (read: on radio and on MTV) is with his formerly-Weezer-sampling "I Love College", which was not really representative of what the guy is capable of. But whatever: Eminem had to release "My Name Is" before people got the really disturbing shit.

So, does he have anything worth listening to on his debut disc?

1. LARK ON MY GO KART
This is actually a pretty effective way to introduce Asher Roth to the masses, although he says absolutely nothing of substance over the lo-fi production by Oren Yoel and David Appleton, one which recalls the feeling of a far superior track, "Sure Shot" by the Beastie Boys. For his part, Asher throws in only the second reference to the San Antonio Spurs that I've ever heard in hip hop (the first was from his own "Cannon!!!" freestyle from The Greenhouse Effect: Volume One), so that was weird. Also, I'm kind of surprised that nobody in hip hop recorded an ode to Kelly Kapowski prior to Asher's drooling all over Lark Vorhees. But maybe nobody else in hip hop will ever admit to watching fucking Saved By The Bell eight times a day.

2. BLUNT CRUISIN'
Somewhere, there's a rapper that could rip the shit out of this blunted, marching beat. Asher Roth's not that guy. This track is literally about cruising around while smoking a blunt. A potential destination is never even considered. I picture tons of teenage white girls loving the fuck out of this track.

3. I LOVE COLLEGE
I've already said my piece on "I Love College", the non-Weezer-sampled version of which appears on this album, but I listened to it again anyway just to see if it works within the context of the album as a whole. Unsurprisingly, it sounds the same as it always has. Hearing actual curse words and Asher crooning on the hook (something that is removed from the radio version, since the word "weed" is deleted every time it pops up) was a nice touch, but my dismissive opinion of it hasn't changed any.

4. LA DI DA
This wasn't what I was expecting after reading that Don Cannon produced the track. Asher's rhymes are pointlessly simply, and his hook is lame as shit, but you just know that this song will become a self-empowerment anthem for kids if Asleep In The Bread Aisle sells a massive amount of copies. Which you know it will.

5. BE BY MYSELF (FEAT CEE-LO)
I don't like how every song that features Cee-Lo today reminds critics and listeners of Gnarls Barkley. The man had a solo career before hooking up with Danger Mouse, you know. Anyway, Cee-Lo elevates this material beyond its sophomoric status by turning it into, yes, something that reminds critics and listeners of Gnarls Barkley. Sigh.

6. SHE DON'T WANNA MAN (FEAT KERI HILSON)
The fuck is this shit?

7. SOUR PATCH KIDS
Kind of like a "Lark On My Go Kart 2.0", so if this ends up being the third single, I won't be surprised at all. Asher sounds better over these guitar-sample-driven beats than on the more conventional hip hop stuff. I imagine the NBA swiping the instrumental to promote the playoffs during their constant advertising promoting Kobe and Lebron, as if there weren't literally thousands of other players in the league. Sorry, I got off on a weird tangent. But I kind of dug this track.

8. AS I EM (FEAT CHESTER FRENCH)
The much-anticipated track on which Asher Roth directly confronts the Marshall Mathers elephant in the room. Asher's lyrics are impressive (and are a far cry from the non-sequiturs from "Sour Patch Kids"), but you know who I can't fucking stand? Chester French. And they ruin the song in more ways than one. Although ruining it in just one way is bad enough.

9. LION'S ROAR (FEAT BUSTA RHYMES & NEW KINGDOM)
Remember back in the 1990's when Busta Rhymes and DMX were battling each other for the title of Cameo King? Well, Busta Rhymes won: DMX has had to deal with newer and more creative legal concerns as each year passes, and all Busta does is chug along, cashing every check that comes his way, whenever he isn't catching another DUI conviction. Acquiring the man's services is not entirely unjustified, though, since he blows Asher Paul Roth out of the proverbial water on this boring-ass song that recalls Eminem's flow (and subject matter) on his "Superman".

10. BAD DAY (FEAT JAZZE PHA)
Asher's retelling of his bad day at the airport and afterward reminds me of some of J-Zone's best lyrical work, except for the fact that J-Zone is much funnier and much more self-deprecating, and the fact that this song sucks. It doesn't really matter if you forgot your iPod, man: besides the fact that not having your mp3 player is more of an annoyance than an actual problem, if a baby is screaming in your ear on the plane, noise-cancelling headphones will not block it out.

11. HIS DREAM (FEAT MIGUEL)
Huh. Didn't see this one coming. This song is deeper than it should be, for a track on an album titled Asleep In The Bread Aisle. If you're only cognizant of Asher Roth because of his freestyles and "I Love College", you may be surprised.

12. FALLIN'
Just like The Lonely Island before him, Asher ends his debut album with an autobiographical track, explaining how the first rap album he ever owned, Jay-Z's Vol. 2...Hard Knock Life, first sparked the idea of actually rapping for a living. Unlike Andy Samberg and company, though, Asher is (probably) telling the truth on here. It's good to hear that the man is capable of stringing rhymes together into a coherent story: Asleep In The Bread Aisle would have benefited heavily from more tracks like this. Well, maybe not songs exactly like this: it wasn't my cup of tea.

When you download Asleep In The Bread Aisle off of iTunes, you get two free bonus tracks that won't appear on the store-bought disc.

13. PERFECTIONIST (FEAT BEANIE SIGEL & ROCK CITY)
I'm not sure why a track featuring a name-brand artist (relatively speaking, I suppose) was cut from the retail release, but this track isn't that bad. I've never been a huge fan of Beans, but he sounds alright. The star attraction takes the time to completely outshine his guest, though, which I suppose he had every right to do.

14. THE LOUNGE
Taken from his mixtape, The Greenhouse Effect: Volume One, so if you already have that mixtape in your possession (or on your hard drive), you already have this song. I always thought it wasn't anything memorable, and that still holds today.

The following bonus track is only available on the U.K. version of Asleep In The Bread Aisle (which I do not own), but due to the high caliber of guest involved, I'd be amiss if I didn't mention it somewhere.

Y.O.U. (FEAT SLICK RICK)
It's easy to hear why this was left off of the album: it has an early De La Soul-type vibe to it, which wouldn't have fit with the rest of the disc. The hook is more than a little bit goofy, but the overall message is good, and both Asher and Ricky finagle some good rhymes out of the subject matter. Probably worth tracking down on a lark, but I wouldn't order the U.K. import just to get this track specifically.

THE LAST WORD: With the incredible hype surrounding the man, Asleep In The Bread Aisle was doomed from the very day the project was announced: there is no possible way that Asher Roth's debut album can meet all of the artificially high expectations that hip hop fans have. So, and this shouldn't be a shock to anybody, the disc doesn't hold up. Asher seems to have deliberately dumbed down his message in a trade-off for mainstream success, rendering much of the disc not much better than the shit on the radio. Production-wise, though, the beats (mostly provided by Oren Yoel) aren't bad at all, but what Asher chooses to do with them is disappointing. The guy has actual skill, hints of which are found sporadically, and hopefully his next project will be more of a showcase for it, although I'm sure that, for those of you that care, the man just fucked up on his one and only shot. If you're a fan of pop rap, you could do much worse (in fact, "Lark On My Go Kart" and "Sour Patch Kids", two of the goofiest songs on here, are the best tracks), but if you want something with meat on its bones, you'll want to skip this one. Sorry, Charlie.

-Max

Reader Review: Fresh Kid Ice - The Chinaman (July 15, 1992)

(As the cutoff date for submitting reviews was yesterday, I present to you two the first post of Round Three. Werner von Wallenrod, whose site made it a bit farther than my own in the 2008 Blog World Cup, sent me something on an album that I’m almost positive that most of you have never heard of: Fresh Kid Ice's The Chinaman. And I’m on your side: I hadn’t heard of this one, either, so I’m going to let the man speak for himself without any italicized interruptions. And when you’re done, be sure to check out his blog for some more interesting reading.)

Diversionary Tactics: Three Things

Three things:

- Hip Hop Connection, the magazine that briefly featured Hip Hop Isn't Dead in their 2008 Blog World Cup, is starting up a digital magazine, one that has actually been up since yesterday, but better late than never. Be sure to check them out when you get the chance.

- I'm extremely disappointed with Eminem's "We Made You". (I haven't even bothered with the video, so please don't ask.) It would be one thing if his song actually discussed the idea of celebrities only being famous because we as a viewing public choose to pay attention to them, but instead, Marshall turns the shit into a typical first single, referencing multiple celebrities that will probably barely acknowledge his existence. (Ellen DeGeneres? Really?) The funny thing is, this isn't even the first single: has everyone already forgotten that "Crack A Bottle" shit? Relapse is 0 for 2 in my book: hopefully his rumored DJ Premier-produced track will be worth the price of admission. But I doubt it.

- Readers who are so inclined still have until April 18 to submit a Reader Review. The selections I've gotten so far are pretty interesting, but you still have a couple of days to top them. Hit me at the e-mail addy on the right if you have something to tell the other two readers.

-Max

Tash - Rap Life (November 2, 1999)

Oddly released on the same day as Sauce Money's Middle Finger U (it was apparently a good day to release hip hop albums that nobody would know existed), Tash's Rap Life explored the West Coast party life that his crew, Tha Alkaholiks, was synonymous with, albeit from his lone point of view.

I've mentioned in the past that Tash is one of my favorite rappers, so snagging his solo debut (on Loud Records, the same label his crew was a part of, alongside the Wu-Tang Clan, Mobb Deep, and, um, the Cella Dwellas) was a literal no-brainer. Although I suppose for it to be "literal" would have required me to leave my brain at home while I drove to Best Buy like a fucking zombie, something which I used to do religiously every Tuesday, back when seeing the new releases on the shelf was actually exciting. Anyway, Tash's Rap Life featured production from more varied sources than his buddy E-Swift (although everyone involved has a distinct West Coast sound: would it have killed the guy to get someone from New York behind the boards?), and a surprisingly all-star team of guests: besides his Liks brethren, Rap Life features Xzibit (okay, that's not much of a stretch, given his origins with Tha Liks), Raekwon, B-Real, Kurupt, and, in the most shocking move ever, both members of Outkast. On the same song. No, really.

While Rap Life received positive reviews for the most part, nobody bought the fucking thing, so the solo debut of Tash became a forgotten footnote in hip hop history. Afterward, Tash linked back up with Tha Liks and recorded another group effort. However, the word on the Interweb street is that Tash recently signed a deal with Amalgam Digital for another album, which places him alongside Joe Budden, Saigon, and Icadon as the only people I know on that label. Hey, Amalgam's slowly getting their shit together, aren't they?

Side note: ego trip's Big Book of Rap Lists informs readers that Tash's rap name is an acronym for "Tough-Ass Son of Harold". This is just one more reason why rappers need to stop coming up with the acronym before finding power phrases that actually make fucking sense. That bit of advice would also seem to apply to the federal government.

1. RICOCHET (FEAT E-SWIFT, UNCLE LEEK, & XZIBIT)
Wow, no rap album intro? Praise the Lord! This shit sounds pretty damn good, serving as an effective reintroduction to the world of Tash and Tha Alkaholiks, and he sounds as good as ever. Don't get too excited over the featured guests, though: they only contribute backing vocals.

2. COPS SKIT
Well, that was quick. Groan.

3. G'Z IS G'Z (FEAT KURUPT)
This Battlecat-produced gem sounds like an essential reference point for newer hip hop fans who want to immerse themselves into the West Coast without all of the G-Funk getting in the way. I've always felt that Kurupt only sounds good over Left Coast beats (that opinion is questionable in and of itself, I know, since there are plenty of West Coast rap songs where he sounds like a tool), which is strange since he's from fucking Philadelphia, but whatever.

4. PIMPIN' AIN'T EASY (FEAT CHA CHA)
The verses are pretty interesting, but the hook renders the entire song ridiculous. Which isn't always a bad thing, but that tactic doesn't quite work on here.

5. RAP LIFE (FEAT RAEKWON)
Raekwon's hook crams way too many words into the chorus, and it ends up sounding awkward, but Rae's actual verse is surprisingly energized (remember, this song was recorded well before Raekwon started showing symptoms of sleep deprivation on wax). Tash blows him out of the water, though, as producer Younglord provides a beat that sounds like his natural element. I'm left wondering why Tash has yet to appear on a beat that is out of his comfort zone, such as a hard-hitting Rza beat or even DJ Premier: he would probably sound great.

6. THE GAME (FEAT CARL THOMAS AND UNCLE LEEK)
I can't imagine Loud Records imposing a requirement of a radio-playable track on Tash, so maybe the man actually wanted to record a generic rap song with an R&B hook. Regardless of the reasoning, this is a misfire.

7. GAME SHOW SKIT
...

8. ONLY WHEN I'M DRUNKER (FEAT J-RO, E-SWIFT, & PHILLIP JOHNSON)
The tweaking of the original "Only When I'm Drunk" instrumental is actually pretty fucking genius. (You haven't quite heard "Seven Minutes of Funk" sound quite like this, and considering how often that song has been sampled in hip hop's history, that's saying something.) The re-teaming of Tash and his Liks brethren brings back fond memories. The singing on the chorus, though, is unexpected and unnecessary.

9. GOGGLES SKIT
...

10. NIGHTFALL
This Fredwreck beat is nice. And Tash rips the stuffing out of it like an attack dog off of its Ritalin. What more can you ask for? I'm actually shocked that nobody has ever thought to jack this instrumental for their mixtape. I'm also thinking that this track would have made a good single.

11. BILL CLINTON SKIT
...

12. SMOKEFEST 1999 (FEAT OUTKAST, B-REAL, & PHIL DA AGONY)
E-Swift's beat is more suited to Big Boi and Andre 3000 than anybody else on here (which is weird, since E-Swift works with Tash on a daily basis), but this isn't a bad track: it's just not as good as you would hope, considering the lineup. Tash adapts nicely, as do Likwit affiliate Phil Da Agony and Cypress Hill's B-Real, but considering the subject matter, Outkast are an odd choice, since they don't usually brag about how much weed they smoke. You know who would have made more sense on this track? Method Man and Redman. Actually, those two would have been way too obvious.

13. FALLIN' ON (FEAT HALF MOON, MIKI, & ROCKWILDER)
Uses the same sample from "The Edge" (from David McCallum and David Axelrod) that Dr. Dre would use (two weeks later, oddly) on his own "The Next Episode", from 2001. Yeah, that's right: Rockwilder and Tash came out with their version first. Tash also feels extremely comfortable over this beat, so much so that it's interesting that Dre didn't reach out to the man for a guest spot on 2001. Sigh.

14. TASH RULES (FEAT LV)
The guy from "Gangsta's Paradise"? Pass.

15. ICE-T SKIT (FEAT ICE-T)
...

16. TRUE HOMIES (FEAT XZIBIT & PHIL DA AGONY)
The three rappers work well with each other, but the song leaves you wishing that the instrumental was more engaging.

17. BLACKULA (FEAT E-SWIFT & J-RO)
The other Alhaholiks reunion track on Rap Life isn't as good as "Only When I'm Drunker", but that doesn't mean that it's a bad song. It just sounds, how can I say, less fun?

18. BERMUDA TRIANGLE
Pretty dull way to end an album, in my opinion.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Rap Life is a surprisingly entertaining solo debut from one of my favorite underrated emcees. Tash successfully captures what makes the best work from Tha Alkaholiks sound so good, and adds some new ideas and unexpected guests, with good results. The second half of the disc doesn't quite match the heights that the first half reaches, but taken as a complete package, Rap Life is nice. It's so good, in fact, that I'm left wondering why it's taken Tash so fucking long to release a second album.

BUY OR BURN? I think hip hop heads should buy this shit. Sure, you have to find it first, which may take a while if you're not one to buy stuff online, but Tash has always been consistent with his, and his solo debut contains a lot of great tracks. So go ahead and cop it: it'll be worth it, believe me.

BEST TRACKS: "Nightfall"; "G'z Is G'z"; "Only When I'm Drunker"; "Fallin' On"; "Ricochet"; "Rap Life"

B-SIDE TO TRACK DOWN: The "G'z Is G'z" remix, which uses the same beat but features Tash and Kurupt sharing the mic with Snoop Dogg and Xzibit. Should have been included on the album instead of the original, in my opinion, as it comes off as one of those West Coast anthems that doesn't sound embarrassingly dated today.

-Max

Today's Not-So-Random Song Accompanied By Minimal Commentary: Foreigner - "Cold As Ice"

To celebrate Good Friday, I figured now would be as good a time as ever to start a mosh pit on the blog. M.O.P.'s Warriorz, their fourth album (one which I have not yet gotten to with the reviews), was their breakthrough disc, managing to move over half a million copies worldwide (which is actually really good for a couple of guys who shout a lot). "Ante Up" was the club banger, "Follow Instructions" was my favorite joint on there, and "Cold As Ice" was the song that was a hit overseas. No, seriously.



I don't think this song ever hit it big with American audiences, probably because we tend to have musical amnesia, selectively forgetting that there are a lot of cheesy songs out there that folks happen to like, Foreigner's "Cold As Ice" being one of them. Or maybe it was a bad choice of a sample by Fizzy Womack. Who knows? All I can remember about the Mash Out Posse track is that it's hilariously vulgar.



More goofy samples and source material coming soon. Thankfully, our chosen genre is littered with ideas such as these, both good and questionable.

-Max

Sauce Money - Middle Finger U (November 2, 1999)

Todd Gathier, who endorses all of his checks as Sauce Money but is then surprised when the bank won't cash them, is a Brooklyn rapper (and ghostwriter) who is best known as the most talented rapper that Jay-Z ditched entirely when he became famous. In a way, their rap careers started off in much the same way: both men were actually in the game for several years prior to Jay's Reasonable Doubt, appearing alongside the likes of Big Jaz, Original Flavor, and, most notably, Big Daddy Kane (both men were featured on "Show & Prove", that bizarre posse cut that also featured Ol' Dirty Bastard).

Todd even appeared alongside Shawn for the first three Jay-Z albums, often contributing to one of the best tracks on each respective CD. Sauce Money was actually signed to Roc-A-Fella Records at one point, and even released a single, "Actions", which, unexpectedly, sounded fucking terrible and managed to convince nobody to play it on the radio outside of the greater New York area. (A video for "Actions", paired up with ".38 Special", another awful Sauce song, can be found on Youtube rather easily, if you're curious.) However, in a sure sign of things to come, Sauce Money made the move to Priority Records to record his debut, Middle Finger U, with minimal Roc-A-Fella involvement, while Jay-Z was busy creating his Dynasty team of himself, Memphis Bleek, Beanie Sigel, and female rapper Amil, who was so nice to me at Target the other day that I had to give her manager some kudos.

What went wrong? Sauce Money is clearly more gifted than any of the artists that I just listed above. This motherfucker even won a Grammy before even getting his record deal. (More on that accolade below.) For those of you that don't hate Jay-Z with a passion, can you not imagine how much better some of his more recent projects would have sounded if Sauce Money was featured on at least one song? To be honest, I think that was the problem: when you listen to Middle Finger U, you can't help but imagine it to be an alternate-universe Jay-Z album, and not just because Hova himself appears on two tracks. Shawn has this tendency to surround himself with inferior rappers (yeah, I included Beanie Sigel in that list) to boost his own ego: the only guy on his record label that can (and has) dominate a track when standing alongside him is Nasir Jones, and even that pairing will be short-lived: once Hova turns in The Blueprint 3 and jumps ship from Def Jam to LiveNation, do you really think Nas will miraculously appear on a Jay-Z album again?

Sorry, I got off on a tangent. Middle Finger U was released in 1999, sold almost zero copies, and somehow buried Sauce Money's career before it ever really took off. Since then, the man has appeared sporadically on mixtapes, but there is no second album to be found. After reading this write-up, I challenge you two to either come up with a list of great unreleased or rare Sauce Money tracks for others to track down for extra credit, or, if for some reason one of you is in a position to do so, somebody please sign this guy to a one-off deal, so he can get a second chance. The guy deserves it: he's been through a lot. Wouldn't you be depressed as shit, too, if your friend left you by the wayside to hang out with Memphis fucking Bleek?

Be sure to do all of that after you read the write-up, though.

1. INTRO
What could have been yet another bullshit rap album intro is salvaged by the verse that Todd kicks. While it's not the best, it sets the album up rather nicely.

2. WE GONNA ROCK
The beat sounds a little off (never more so than in the middle of Sauce's second verse, when an attempt at a breakdown fails miserably), and the hook is pretty bad, but Todd's lyricism is skillful enough to almost make up the difference. Besides, his line "Be sure to call me Dad, too, because I'm a motherfucker" is pretty funny, regardless of the backdrop.

3. LOVE & WAR
I actually liked Omonte Ward's beat (his only other production credit seems to be in a co-producer capacity on Saafir's "Watch How Daddy Ball", which would be terrible song title even if he recorded it for the Baby Loves Hip Hop series), and Todd comes off rather nicely as well. But the two aforementioned elements do not mesh together. At all. Sauce Money sounds awkward as fuck over this particular instrumental: with a different musical backdrop (not a better one, but a different one), his verses may have popped, but as is, this track is only alright.

4. FOR MY HUSTLAZ
The first (and to my knowledge, only) single, one of many Mr. Rapture production efforts on Middle Finger U (his other production credits seem to only include other songs on Middle Finger U). It samples Frank Stallone's "Far From Over", from the Staying Alive soundtrack (no, seriously, I'm not kidding), but don't hold that against it: the song itself still sounds pretty good, radio friendly without the typical pandering that usually goes with it.

5. MIDDLE FINGER U
Even with that title, DJ Clark Kent's beat aims for the Billboard charts. Thankfully, Sauce Money shoots down any ideas of commercial acceptability with an endless stream of punchlines and humorous threats that wouldn't have sounded out of place on Reasonable Doubt. His final line on this track even leads nicely into the following song.

6. DO YOU SEE (FEAT PUFF DADDY)
Puffy appears on Middle Finger U because of Sauce Money's gratitude: that Grammy award that Todd frequently brags about copping before the album dropped was for writing Puffy's "I'll Be Missing You", his ode to the late Notorious B.I.G. Diddy does his best to sabotage the project with his poor recitation of Sauce's lyrics, miserable ad-libs, and the horrible horrible horrible hook, but when Todd is left to his own devices, he isn't bad.

7. FACE OFF 2000 (FEAT JAY-Z)
Ostensibly a sequel to the original "Face/Off", from Jay-Z's In My Lifetime, Vol. 1 (which featured Sauce Money), except this track features a much worse beat. Shawn sounds okay, but this is clearly a Sauce Money song, through and through. It's impossible to look past that shitty beat, though.

8. WHAT'S THAT, FUCK THAT
I liked this track upon Middle Finger U's original release, and hearing it today, it still sounds pretty good. However, the way that producer Marley Marl works in a Jay-Z vocal sample into the beat (making it appear as if Hova is waiting in the wings to drop a verse) is pretty fucking annoying, I have to admit.

9. CHART CLIMBING
Big Jaz's instrumental, which will remind Wu-Tang fans of "Did You Say That", a Gza/Genius track from Legend Of The Liquid Sword, takes a weird turn during the chorus, but otherwise, it's simple and effective. Sauce's rhymes are fucking hilarious (especially when he shouts the word "bitches" in a high pitch - it looks bad now that I write it out, but trust me, in context, it's funny), so of course it makes complete sense that Shawn Carter opted to back the defective horse known as Memphis Bleek: Todd could hone his craft and become a better rapper than Jigga, and we couldn't have that, now, could we?

10. CRIME SKIT
...

11. INTRUDER ALERT
DJ Premier provides the backdrop for Todd's amalgamation of Biggie's "Warning" and Jay's "Friend Or Foe", with fantastic results. Sauce's conversational flow can only be compared to that of his boy Shawn Carter: when he goes off on a tangent and then brings the tale back around by simply stating "That's neither here nor there", I don't know why, but I laughed out loud.

12. C MY 1'S (FEAT BAM-BUE)
Naah. The hook is too weak to overlook.

13. PRE-GAME (FEAT JAY-Z)
This is the same Jay-Z/Sauce Money collaboration that appeared on the soundtrack to Belly. Hova runs laps around his boy, especially since, at the time, his line "What your album lacks is more Jay-Z" was entirely justified. (Probably not so much today, though.) If you find yourself with an extra five minutes in your day, doing a quick search on the Interweb will bring up a longer version of this song featuring an additional verse from Todd. (Some websites purport that the extended version of this song actually appears on their copy of Middle Finger U, but I didn't have such luck.)

14. SAY UNKLE
What the fuck is it with hip hop and shitty hooks? They seem to go together like peanut butter and three-month-old congealed grape jelly: technically, it would seem like the two ingredients would work, but it tastes fucking gross.

15. SECTION 53, ROW 78 (FEAT MAVERICK)
This ode to Sauce Money's late mother is actually touching. Over the same beat that 2Pac used for his "Pain" (one of my favorite underrated Pac joints ever), Todd waxes poetically about how's he's coped with the loss, with fantastic results. The only weak link on the song is the hook, which comes off as a parody of itself, but don't let that distract you too much.

16. WHAT'S MY NAME
Catchy, but I find it odd that the chorus, which consists of a series of sound bites from Jay-Z and Memphis Bleek, makes multiple references to "Pre-Game", the song from three goddamn tracks ago, either due to Bleek's name-checking of a song that is infinitely better than anything he has ever done, or to the blatant jacking of one of Hova's lines from the actual song. Weird. Otherwise, this isn't bad at all.

17. V1 SKIT
...

18. WHAT WE DO (FEAT MEMPHIS BLEEK)
A bland way to end your album. But at least they held off on featuring Memphis Bleek until the very end of the album, so I'm thankful for that.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Middle Finger U actually sounds pretty good today, ten years removed from its release date. As an emcee, Sauce Money is very engaging: unlike a lot of rappers today, you look forward to hearing his next punchline. A few of the beats are weak, but the majority of them click, creating a thoroughly enjoyable listening experience. Hopefully this post will attract more attention to Middle Finger U, possibly providing the justification an underground label would need to sign Sauce Money and get him to release a second album already, as opposed to these random mixtape tracks he's been doing off and on for the past decade.

BUY OR BURN? If you can actually find a physical copy of this album, you should definitely pick it up. Sauce Money is just as good as Jay-Z, and is actually an even funnier rapper: he just never received the same opportunities as Hova, even with his Grammy. Be the first on your block to correct that mistake.

BEST TRACKS: "Pre-Game"; "For My Hustlaz"; "Middle FInger U"; "Section 53, Row 78"; "Intruder Alert"; "What's My Name"; "Chart Climbing"; "What's That, Fuck That"

B-SIDE TO LOOK FOR: Sauce Money actually has a gaggle of tracks floating around out there, but one of my favorites is "Against The Grain", a DJ Premier-produced banger from the Soul In The Hole soundtrack. Actually, that entire soundtrack isn't that bad, now that I think about it. I may have to look through my crates now.

-Max

Site Stuff

1. So far, I've received a good number of Reader Reviews, but Round 3 is still open for everybody. Do you know of a hip hop album that you absolutely feel that everybody needs to have in their Desert Island Top 5? Or is there a disc that everybody seems to love that you want to warn everybody about? Either way, send your review to the e-mail address on the right. And for everybody interested in contributing: I forgot to mention that you need to include a nickname that you want to be called. Some of you did that anyway, but for everyone else, let me know as soon as possible. The deadline is still April 18th.

2. Yes, the comment box seems to be missing. Hip Hop Isn't Dead has always been a work in progress, with elements frequently introduced and abandoned altogether based on feedback and if the content and ideas fit the site. (You may have noticed the other minute changes to some of the stuff on the page.) I wouldn't say that the comment box is gone permanently, but the blog was not intended to support the ridiculousness of the comment box: the comment box was supposed to supplement the blog. Those of you with blogs of your own that want to link up, send me an e-mail request and we'll talk. Those of you with review requests, suggestions, or general questions, you can either leave a comment on a post or send me a message.

3. Speaking of the linked blogs, I plan on running through all of them (probably at a very slow pace) and deleting links to those that haven't been updated in six months or more. So if you have a blog that you wish to promote, now may be your chance to take over some prime space on the sidebar.

4. Finally, yes, I do love numerating things in a list form. Almost as much as I love italics. But don't let the italics know: they're prone to jealous homicidal acts.

More reviews and other stuff coming soon. And you may want to keep the month of May open. Tell your friends. No, seriously, tell your friends: more readers means more content, folks.

-Max

MC Skat Kat - The Adventures of MC Skat Kat & The Stray Mob (1991)

When Emeril Lafontane was abandoned in a back alley inside a cardboard box that once housed a microwave oven, he was indistinguishable from any other cartoon cat you may have come across. He was dirty, ridden with fleas, and a Communist, but his smile beamed from six towns away. So it wasn't much of a surprise when he made his way to California to ignite his rap career.

Emeril first discovered hip hop the natural way: in a dumpster located directly behind a record store. Here, he was exposed to the likes of Whodini, Boogie Down Productions, the Fat Boys, and DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince, none of which informed his later style. Once a friendly (if not entirely cautious) young lad taught Emeril how to write down his thoughts using a pen and paper, and not feces on a brick wall, he adopted the nickname MC Skat Kat, which was given to himself by himself.

MC Skat Kat started off small, but had big dreams. He attended open mic nights at local clubs with alarming regularity, alarming in that animals weren't usually condoned in this environment. He formed a posse, the Stray Mob, and sold his debut album, Kat-tharsis, out of the trunk of Ed Begley Jr.'s car, who he had met during his side work for an environmental nonprofit. However, he didn't manage to move many units, as most folks are conditioned to not pay attention when a cartoon cat is begging you for money.

However, one of these tapes managed to find their way into the office of Paula Abdul's business manager. The former Laker Girl, who had her own up-and-coming music career to attend to, liked what she heard, and invited MC Skat Kat to duet with her on "Opposites Attract", a song that was originally intended to explore how different types of people become romantically linked with one another, but just ended up being another song about magnets. Emeril also appeared in the memorable music video, and although he ended up being outshined in the dance department by his gracious host, he was still able to reap the rewards of stardom.

Sadly, just three short years later, MC Skat Kat was found in a hotel room on the Las Vegas Strip, dead from a heroin overdose. As an orphaned animated kitty, he was hardly able to afford black market drugs such as those, so his success was determined to be the cause. As a result, all celebrities, animated or otherwise, were immediately stripped of all of their illicit narcotics, and no famous people ever died from abusing drugs ever again.

Before his tragic passing, though, MC Skat Kat was able to record his major label debut, The Adventures of MC Skat Kat & The Stray Mob. He was never able to truly enjoy the success that a triple-platinum rap album promises, though that may simply be because nobody even knew about this album's existence.

Until now.

1. BIG TIME
Serves as an effective intro to the overall concept of this album: you see, an animated feline can have skillz behind the mic, y'all! Skills with a "z", even! The music on here sounds like "opening credits" hip hop: I half expected some words advising the folks around me about the casting director of the movie which is my life to appear superimposed on the wall behind me. I was actually a bit sad when that didn't happen.

2. I AIN'T NO KITTY
You just know that, had this project not been aimed at the Burger King Kids Club audience, the title would have been altered to "I Ain't No Pussy". Still, it is a bit early on for MC Skat Kat to suffer from a crisis of identity, forcing him to extrapolate on absurd gangsta cliches and sound like virtually every other rapper ever.

3. NO DOGS ALLOWED
Yes, somebody was actually paid to write and perform this diatribe against ugly chicks. Even for animated characters, this shit is kind of abrasive. I suppose the twist ending is meant to justify all of the misogynist talk, but, um, yeah, that shit doesn't fly in 2009. Hell, it didn't even really get off of the ground in 1991.

4. GOTTA GET UP
The closest thing to a DJ Premier boom-bap production on this album, had Primo been replaced with a producer who only focused on beats per minute and horrible samples, and if the boom-bap were abandoned entirely. (MC Skat Kat is a West Coast emcee, so I guess that makes sense, except that it doesn't.) My question is this: the title of the album implies that MC SKat Kat's crew of weed carriers is a part of the project: where the fuck are they?

5. KAT IN THE CASINO
That title is most fucking ridiculous (and hilarious) name of a rap song that I have ever heard this week. The beat may have been more effective had it incorporated the sound of slot machines clanging about, but whatever. Oddly, this track is much more melancholy that you would expect, contrasting gambling at the casino (any casino, it really doesn't matter) with the "life of a player". Clever, right?

6. ON THE PROWL
MC Skat Kat makes it a point to emphasize that what he does is called "rappin'" and not "rapping", as many have mistakenly believed. Clearly, there must be a distinction. Throw in a few derogatory terms aimed at the bitches (or even the female dogs, if that's your preference) and this would sound like some shit you would hear on the radio. Back in fucking 1991.

7. SKAT STRUT
I fear that more money was spent on securing the rights to the sample used on here than was allocated to have several actual artists proofread the lyrics before they were laid onto the track. Apparently, this video was super-fucking-popular on MTV upon its release, but even if that fact is true, it still sounds like a lie. Paula Abdul appeared in the video for this, but then promptly danced her way out of our hero's life. I'd like to think that Emilio Estevez had a hand in that action.

8. KAT STORIES
As these so-called "stories" unfold (it just sounds like MC Skat Kat recounting his weekend), he manages to actually kill a guy. That would certainly make him a lot more hardcore that, say, Hammerman. He at least has more bodies on his conscience than Vanilla Ice and Soulja Boy.

9. SO SWEET SO YOUNG
This shit probably played at your sixth-grade dance and you just didn't know it. Or care. This isn't actually that bad today, but it helps if you choose to ignore the lyrics altogether.

10. I GO CRAZY
We would have also accepted a cover of Flesh For Lulu's "I Go Crazy", from the Some Kind of Wonderful soundtrack. I cannot believe that film was made specifically to appease the fans of Pretty In Pink who were upset that Molly Ringwald's character didn't end up with Duckie. He was played by Jon fucking Cryer, people! Of course he didn't get the girl! But I digress. besides, Sixteen Candles is a far superior film, if only for John Cusack's air guitar. What do you mean, I didn't talk about the song?

11. NEW KAT SWING
On here, MC Skat Kat distances himself from the Paula Abdul Express, claiming that he only appeared in the video because he got motherfucking paid. Kind of like Royce da 5'9" and that Willa Ford track he (questionably) made a cameo on. Straight up, now tell me if anybody ever gave a fuck about the street credentials of a cartoon cat (one that isn't Garfield, anyway).

12. SKAT KAT'S THEME
This takes waaaaaaaaaaay too long to get going. It's about damn time he put his baggage handlers on, but it's too little, too late. Also, none of them are appealing in any fashion, animated or real life.

FINAL THOUGHTS: The Adventures of MC Skat Kat & The Stray Mob certainly fills the void between pop rap and actual, respected hip hop. The sound is a bit dated now, but, lyrically, Emeril is a powerhouse that was able to successfully utilize all of the possible connotations of the word "cat", and twist them to his whim. Paula made a mistake when she left this guy behind; I mean, seriously, what the fuck is she doing these days?

BUY OR BURN? It may be hard to find a copy of this disc, since it's been out of print since three days after it was released, but it is well worth the hunt. A cursory search on Amazon.com finds at least two used copies available for sale: that may be a good place to start.

BEST TRACKS: "So Sweet So Young"; "New Kat Swing"; "Kat In The Casino"

-Max