May 29, 2009

The Notorious B.I.G. - Duets: The Final Chapter (December 2, 2005)


In 2005, Sean "Puffy" Combs convinced the other executives at his record label, Bad Boy Records, that releasing a second posthumous Biggie Smalls album, one padded with guest appearances, newfangled production techniques, and recycled verses, would somehow make them some extra Christmas spending cash. What started as a heated board meeting quickly turned into a wrestling match, with Harve "Joe Hooker" Pierre knocked unconscious and rapper G-Dep forced to hold the chair that Puff Daddy had broken over the man's head. Then, everybody in the room decided an impromptu vacation was in order, and they were next seen a few hours later, knocking back drinks at the Gallagher's inside the New York New York in Las Vegas. (All I can say is, that pizza place right outside of Gallagher's is fucking amazing.) And, somehow, Duets: The Final Chapter was born.

Obviously, The Notorious B.I.G. had been dead for several years at this point, and unlike his afterlife golf buddy Tupac Shakur, Biggie didn't have several closets full of unreleased material. His first posthumous disc, Born Again, pretty much used up most of his rare verses, setting them against ineffective instrumentals and alongside guests that Biggie never got a chance to work with in his lifetime, such as Ice Cube, Snoop Dogg, and, um, Lil' Wayne. So Puffy had the bright idea of taking some of his older songs (the ones that people actually liked) and, pulling one verse from hither and another from dither, created Frankensongs from the ether, coercing established artists (and employees at his label) to provide guest spots at very nominal fees, lest those blackmail photographs of Jay-Z, T.I., and Eminem at the last Republican National Convention leak to the liberal press.

Duets: The Final Chapter was marketed as the final "tribute" album to Biggie Smalls, news which caused the general public to collectively wipe the sweat from their brows. It sold moderately well (although its first week sales were eclipsed by those of Jamie Foxx and a Teletubbies exercise video), but was trashed in the press. I also don't know anybody who both (a) loves and appreciates music and (b) owns this stupid fucking album.

Except for...

1. B.I.G. LIVE IN JAMAICA (INTRO)
I actually shouted at my computer, telling this intro to hurry the fuck up and introduce Biggie already. That's how annoying this shit is. Which is never a good sign.

2. IT HAS BEEN SAID (FEAT EMINEM, OBIE TRICE, & DIDDY)
Kind of ironic that Eminem would trash-talk those who piggyback off of 2Pac and Biggie's respective legacies. Two of the main offenders, Sean Combs and Marshall himself, appear on this very track. Coincidence? This also isn't much of a “duet”, as Biggie only provides ad libs from either the grave or from an entirely different song, making this a boring-ass tribute song. Obie, Eminem's former employee, at least tries to display some sort of authentic feeling, even though the chances that Biggie would have worked with him in real life are pretty fucking slim (no pun intended).

3. SPIT YOUR GAME (FEAT TWISTA & KRAYZIE BONE)
The original “Notorious Thugs”, featuring Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, didn't deserve to be raped and pillaged to this degree. Swizz Beats should be dragged out into the street and beaten in front of his mother for creating this bullshit. Twista's verse would have sounded better if it were included on a different project altogether, and although Krayzie Bone, who appeared on the original, was game enough to cash a check for this track, this song is so frustrating that it will make you want to slit the throat and wrists of hip hop. True fact. (Apparently there's also a remix to this godawful track that tacks on then-new Bad Boy Records labelmates Eightball & MJG at the end, and they didn't get the speed-rap memo, as they spit in the same Southern drawl that won them fans, earning them a shitload of criticism. Not from me, though: I don't give enough of a fuck to locate that version of the song.)

4. WHATCHU WANT (FEAT JAY-Z)
Contains some Biggie verses that only diehards would be familiar with, so that's a plus. Danja, a producer who's been programming Timbaland's beats for the past few years, creates an instrumental that actually works for today's audience. The song falls the fuck apart once Shawn Carter takes to the mic, though, which is strange, since Jay-Z actually worked alongside Biggie many times throughout his career. Maybe he hadn't yet gotten his groove back. (You see, just because I'm a Jay-Z stan doesn't mean the guy gets a free pass.)

5. GET YOUR GRIND ON (FEAT BIG PUNISHER, FREEWAY, & FAT JOE)
All kinds of morbid, as Biggie had already passed when Pun hit it big. So all this track is missing is cameos from 2Pac, Freaky Tah, Big L, Eazy-E, and every other dead rapper ever. I was buying this remake of “You're Nobody (Till Somebody Kills You)” until Freeway's chorus screeched in my ears, summoning up evil spirits outside of my house, and now I'm afraid to leave. And I have to buy fucking groceries, Beardy! How fucking inconsiderate!

6. LIVING THE LIFE (FEAT FAITH EVANS, CHERI DENIS, BOBBY VALENTINO, LUDACRIS, & SNOOP DOGG)
Chris Bridges actually sounds the most comfortable of all of the rappers who have appeared so far on this project, and I'm including The Notorious B.I.G. himself in that assessment: since he's clearly spinning in his grave as we speak, I fear his arm may have gotten caught on a stray nail.

7. THE GREATEST RAPPER (INTERLUDE)
Biggie's son, Christopher Wallace Jr., briefly reflects on his father being the greatest rapper ever. He obviously isn't familiar with some of the other players in this here hip hop game. And yes, I realize that the last sentence makes me come off as a dick.

8. 1970 SOMETHIN' (FEAT THE GAME & FAITH EVANS)
The existence of this song means that The Game only has one more deceased artist to record a song “alongside” before he earns a free five dollar footlong.

9. NASTY GIRL (FEAT DIDDY, NELLY, JAGGED EDGE, & AVERY STORM)
The original “Nasty Boy” (from Life After Death) was cheesy fun, but this remake strips away all of the elements that made the otherwise embarrassing predecessor work, rendering it, well, simply embarrassing. And this was released as a single why? Next!

10. LIVING IN PAIN (FEAT 2PAC, NAS, & MARY J. BLIGE)
Yeah...pretty sure Pac wouldn't have signed off on this if the Bad Boy lawyers were somehow able to locate him in the Bahamas. This is a remake of a song that the two hip hop giants actually performed together, so it's slightly intriguing, but that's all. And Nas had issues with both Biggie and 2Pac: who the fuck let him into the building?

11. I'M WITH WHATEVA (FEAT JUELZ SANTANA, LIL' WAYNE, & JIM JONES)
You see that guest list? I was predestined to hate this song, and in that respect, it does not disappoint. However, I will concede that Weezy's line “if you don't love yourself, I'll show you your heart” was kind of interesting. But yeah, this song is useless, and Biggie doesn't appear on here, either: I don't even remember hearing a single ad lib. Even from beyond the grave, Biggie apparently has taste.

12. BEEF (FEAT MOBB DEEP)
While it's touching that Prodigy (inadvertently) offers to take a bullet for the star attraction, this remake of “What's Beef” is entirely unnecessary. Go listen to the original (from Life After Death) instead.

13. MY DAD (INTERLUDE)
Biggie's daughter T-yana also gets a chance to speak.

14. HUSTLER'S STORY (FEAT AKON, SCARFACE, & BIG GEE)
Credit where credit is due: the beat sounds like something that Biggie would have actually spit to, so kudos. (Not sure why it took four goddamn people to come up with it, though.) His verse (from "You'll See, a mixtape track also featuring The Lox) even has an effortless way about it. But once Akon starts singing and Big Gee from Bad Boy weed carriers Boyz N Da Hood (really, Puffy? A guy with that name? From your own marketing department? What the fuck?) begins to make me want to give up writing a hip hop blog and take up underwater basket weaving instead, this Titanic hits a fucking iceberg, and the band plays on. Scarface manages to right the ship, but it's too late: Leo has already drowned.

15. BREAKIN' OLD HABITS (FEAT T.I. & SLIM THUG)
Would Biggie have rhymed alongside the likes of Slim Thug and T.I. If he were still alive? In the case of T.I., probably, since that guy has, like, eighty songs on the radio right now. But I'd like to believe that he would have flat out refused to spit to a garbage beat such as the one presented here.

16. ULTIMATE RUSH (FEAT MISSY ELIOTT)
Missy compares her loving to the sensation of “eating pussy with some pork in it”. That will be more than enough reason for most readers to skip to the next song, but for the masochists out there: the song somehow manages to get even worse.

17. MI CASA (FEAT R. KELLY & CHARLIE WILSON)
Meh.

18. LITTLE HOMIE (INTERLUDE)
If all of you motherfuckers respect Biggie's legacy so goddamn much, then why would you allow Puff Daddy to dismiss his work with such reckless abandon? Huh?

19. HOLD YOUR HEAD (FEAT BOB MARLEY)
One of my most favoritest Biggie tracks ever is “Suicidal Thoughts”. That one-verse wonder is chopped the fuck up in order to insert a Bob Marley vocal sample throughout, which serves as the hook. Also entirely unnecessary, but at least the idea of a “duet” between Biggie and Bob Marley is kind of interesting. If Duets: The Final Chapter did more of this kind of thing, this album could have worked. For those of you two that are interested in that sort of thing, there's the Blue Eyes Meets Bed-Stuy mixtape which pairs up Biggie verses with Frank Sinatra songs: that mixtape is readily available on the Interweb.

20. JUST A MEMORY (FEAT CLIPSE)
Unless they're jacking more well-known beats, I'm not a fan of hearing the Clipse perform over non-Neptunes beats. Sadly, the brothers Thornton sound as if they would have fit perfectly with the Notorious one, had he lived. Sigh.

21. WAKE UP NOW (FEAT KORN)
The Notorious B.I.G. And Korn? Was Korn even popular when Duets: The Final Chapter was released? With this, Puffy has officially sullied the name of Biggie Smalls. (I suppose it could have been worse, though: it could have been Limp Bizkit. But this bullshit still stinks.)

22. LOVE IS EVERLASTING (OUTRO)
Biggie's mother, who also handled outro duties on Born Again, ends Duets: The Final Chapter on a high note. As well as anyone possibly could, anyway.

There are also a couple of bonus tracks that were found on a version of Duets: The Final Chapter that was sold at Target, but I don't have that version of the album. One of the two tracks featured Ja Rule, though, so I won't be going out of my way to listen to it. If you've had the honor of hearing them, leave your notes about them below.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I'll just say it right now: Duets: The Final Chapter is fucking horrible. It's concrete proof that Puff Daddy doesn't have the capacity to leave well enough alone. The beat selection is almost uniformly terrible, the guests involved seem generally confused as to whether they're supposed to pay homage to Biggie or actively pretend that they're recording a song with the man, and the mixing and matching of Biggie's verses actually creates even less coherence than Born Again contained. One of the biggest criticisms of Born Again was that Puffy filled the disc with guest spots from artists whom Biggie would never have worked with in his lifetime, and on Duets: The Final Chapter, he hasn't learned his lesson, as the cameos are even more questionable, especially the ones from within the Bad Boy roster. I hope that karma comes back and kicks the shit out of Sean Combs for making it very difficult to revisit Biggie's two actual albums without my memories of this garbage.

BUY OR BURN? The fuck do you think?

BEST TRACKS: None. But you saw that coming.

-Max

RELATED POSTS:
More write-ups on The Notorious B.I.G. Can be found here.

17 comments:

  1. I agree with you that this album is complete garbage, but come on Max, you have to admit that "1970 Something" is WAY better than the original version of this song ("Respect") off of "Ready to Die." Even if you ignore The Game's contribution to this track, you are still left with a solid track, as the beat is really good. It just goes to show (in my opinion) that your often-presented argument that lyrics don't mean A DAMN THING if the instrumental is wack holds true in this case. I would play "1970 Something" over "Respect" 9 times out of 10 on any given day.

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  2. Seeing as I always hate Diddy's production (he fucking ruins anything he touches), I've never had an inclination to pick this up. Thanks for confirming my hunch.

    Also, I sent you an e-mail a day or two ago about writing a Reader Review sometime in the near future. Please shoot me back a e-mail when you get a chance.

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  3. AnonymousMay 29, 2009

    seriously if anybody here wants a biggie album, pick up Ready to Die

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  4. RingpeaceMay 29, 2009

    I'm glad you like suicidal thoughts(you called it suicidal tendencies?), because personally I think that's the best song that he did EVER...
    He had so much skill it was jaw-dropping, he was certainly better than 2pac on the mic(I'm a huge 2pac stan, and saying that made me die a little inside but I give props where props are due)...too bad he and Pac didn't record more songs together because Runnin'(from the police) was the shit(and I don't mean that corny shit Eminem put together, but the original with Stretch and the Outlawz)

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  5. Amen brother, this is the worst of the Biggie albums!

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  6. Huh. I DID call it "Suicidal Tendencies". That was weird, but it was bound to happen eventually. Thanks for catching that: duly noted and adjusted.

    And yeah, I also prefer the original version of "Runnin'" to Eminem's bastardization.

    Thanks for reading!

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  7. Alright, now I'm a huge Tupac stan, so let's get this shit cleared up. First of all, Biggie has a better flow, I will admit that. However, I have yet to hear a BIG song where BIG touches the raw emotion & power of a "So Many Tears" or a "Only God Can Judge Me". Also, as I mentioned before, the Puffy production is a huge turn off for me; Pac always had pretty good beats going.

    And on Runnin: I fucking love Eminem's version, especially compared to the original. It eliminates Pac's weed carriers (who are decent on there), and more importantly, knocks out that godawful chorus that is on the original. Also, it has a better part from Pac on there (even though BIG still rips it better), and BIG's lines aren't broken apart. The beat in generally is better also.

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  8. I agree with isiecar that 1970sumthin is a really nice track indeed, but i never listened to the rest of the fest... and i damn sure know why! I wonder why you didnt put this in the drink coaster category anyway?!

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  9. FLX - I was going to, but when I started writing, I felt that the track-by-track format was the best way to me to express my frustration. The Drink Coaster category is typically reserved for albums that don't deserve that much analysis.

    Thanks for reading!

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  10. AnonymousMay 30, 2009

    Keep it on the Bad Boy roster and review Black Rob, The Black Rob Story...that should be interesting.

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  11. AnonymousJuly 27, 2009

    Well...., You all are mostly right about this album (especially on the fact that Diddy can't leave well enough alone. The only thing I can't agree with y'all on is about Eminem's remake of Runnin'. It was pretty good and far from being a "bastardation". A tight beat and a better verse from Pac and no Stretch and the Outlawz (Pac's shoe shine boys). I actually prefer this one over the original (definitely by the chorus).

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  12. if preemo, pete rock or 9th wonder would of worked on this instead of p shitty and brung the real MCs, this album would of rocked but know it was ruined by the man who took biggie for granted

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  13. I actually like Hold Ya Head and perhaps if Suicidal Thoughts wasn't so damn good I'd go out of my way to find my Biggie Duets disc just to put that song on my iPod.

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  14. Actually, I think a lot of these songs had decent guests and beats. I just think it's unfortunate most of these songs feature Biggie verses most of us know by heart which leads to almost universally negative comparisons to the originals. If Biggie would've been left off and would've been replaced by ANY other rapper, even a useless one, like Diddy himself, then this would've been slightly above average party music. What say you Max?

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  15. good review but disagree with the nas/pac/biggie situation nas and biggie never had any beef as far as i remember and yes pac and nas did have beef but the beef was squashed before pac died just to let you know

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    Replies
    1. Derek ClaptonDecember 07, 2012

      Yeah Nas and Biggie had some beef.

      "Who you Kick in the Door was for?" - Nas

      Also when Ghost and Rae are talking about rappers biting Nas on Cuban Linx they are referring to Biggie.

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  16. What a fucking slight. I'm no fan of Biggie (dude was ALRIGHT, nothing more), but this "album" always infuriated me -- just the sheer audacity of the guest features.... Puffy pulled an Afeni with this one.

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