Reader Review: Handsome Boy Modeling School - So...How's Your Girl? (October 19, 1999)

(I realize that I wrote about Handsome Boy Modeling School's So...How's Your Girl? last week, but to be honest, CJD's Reader Review is what inspired me to bump it to the top of the pile. Read on to hear a second opinion on Dan and Paul's collaborative effort.)

Handsome Boy Modeling School's So...How's Your Girl? is one of two albums I credit with sparking my interest in hip hop. The other is Enter the Wu-Tang: 36 Chambers, but I think everyone will agree that enough has been said of that album on this website already.

Now I should clarify something: I was familiar with hip hop before, but by saying these albums sparked my interest, I really mean that they made me interested in the music in much more than just a superficial way. I became an active fan of the genre, and I wanted to consume as much as I could. I have been collecting music since I was 12 or so (that was 12 years ago, how old do you think I am now?), and I was getting extremely bored with the antiseptic rock and (particularly) the 80's fetish that is rampant in our modern world. (You mean like how I keep referring to New Wave music in random spurts?) It seems that nobody younger than 30 listens to the original stuff any more: has everyone forgotten how good Talking Heads, Gang of Four, Magazine, PiL, Wire and all those other bands were? Sorry, I'm going off on a tangent.

Anyhow, I borrowed Handsome Boy Modeling School's debut from a friend back in 2001, around the same time as I borrowed Wu-Tang's. I was pleasantly surprised by the wit and musical invention going on in these albums, so I went out and bought both. With Wu-Tang, it should be obvious how many artists I was introduced to (although I wish U-God had not been one of them): Handsome Boy Modeling School mainly introduced me to Prince Paul, Dan the Automator (though I was somewhat aware of him due to the Gorillaz self-titled debut), Del tha Funkee Homosapien (also kind of knew about him already because of the Gorillaz), Cibo Matto, Brand Nubian, J-Live, DJ Shadow (again, already somewhat aware of him- many, many name checks from Radiohead), De La Soul, Kid Koala (Gorillaz- I'm seeing a theme here) and El-P.

Contextually, the album may have changed a bit. It's been a while since I listened to it straight through, and I know a hell of a lot more now than I did then. Songs may have lost their luster, or I might be less surprised by what I find, so I'll include commentary on what I heard then, and how it sounds now.

And after all that I didn't even include any information about the album. Shucks.

1. ROCK AND ROLL (COULD NEVER HIP HOP LIKE THIS)
Speaking as an Irishman (bet you didn't see that coming), there are just not enough Irish accents in hip hop. And I mean proper Irish accents, not like House of Pain. So, the track... yeah. Good intro to the album, starts off with a bang (and no pretentiousness (apart from the title boast, of course), which is always a plus) and puts a Stetsasonic sample to good use. Ever so slightly overstays its welcome, however.

2. MAGNETIZING (FEAT DEL THA FUNKEE HOMOSAPIEN)
This would have been approximately the third song I had ever heard Del perform on (the other two being "Clint Eastwood" and "Rock the House" by Gorillaz). Back in the day, this would have been one of the songs I would have listened to without being blown away, but while still enjoying it enough not to skip it. Nowadays, not so much. Del commits himself acceptably and comes out of it with his reputation intact. The enemy is the beat: it's pretty dull. Slight atmospheric vibes stung by Michael-Crichton-thriller-esque piano don't hold one's attention for...what the fuck?...over six minutes? Why?

3. METAPHYSICAL (FEAT MIHO HATORI & MIKE D)
Ah, this is like having a bucket of cold perfume thrown in your face after the previous track. The beat is just nice. I liked this when I first heard it, and I still do now despite myself. Miho Hatori's nonsensical pseudo-scientific chatter will either amuse or infuriate: I go with the former, but I understand that most may not. Mike D, however, will simply infuriate. Was he paid to be in the booth for this? I imagine Ad-Rock and MCA were standing outside, watching him and shaking their heads.

4. LOOK AT THIS FACE (OH MY GOD THEY'RE GORGEOUS)
The first of two instrumental/skit tracks using samples from the short-lived TV show Get A Life, which provides Handsome Boy Modeling School with its handle. Quick, painless and fun. Little known fact: the Automator must put a classical piece over a hip hop beat at least once a day or he will die.

5. WATERWORLD (FEAT ENCORE)
There are sounds in the background which are like when people imitate water drops with their cheeks, kind of like Alan Ruck in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. That's what dominates my thoughts every time I hear this, because it sounds weird and disgusting, with all that saliva flying everywhere. The song suffers from similar problems as “Magnetizing”, but is shorter (by less than a minute) and the beat is ever so slightly more propulsive. I do love Encore's line: “My scripts consist of H2O: hip hop and oxygen”. It's science.

6. ONCE AGAIN (HERE TO KICK ONE FOR YOU) (FEAT GRAND PUBA AND SADAT X)
Brilliant use of the Three Dog Night song “Old Fashioned Love Song” and solid performances from the Brand Nubian representatives adds up to something special. This song wasn't one of my favourites initially, as it suffered from being positioned straight after the far less bouncy “Waterworld”. Not that this is a party track or anything: it just has a good groove. Over time it burned its way slowly into my mind.

7. THE TRUTH (FEAT J-LIVE AND RÓISÍN MURPHY)
The first track I really loved. This is, in my experience, probably the most overplayed song on the whole album. One of those songs people hear everywhere and don't realise where it comes from. (Around my way, in any case.) Which doesn't make it bad, it just taints it somewhat in retrospect. I'll never like it again as much as I did the first time. Rapping schoolteacher J-Live turns in a loquacious performance which would put Curtis Jackson to shame (do you think he knows what 'ceteris paribus' means?). What was that I was saying about Irish accents earlier? Ms. Murphy (of Moloko fame) grew up not far away from me, we're practically neighbours, though you wouldn't be able to tell from her voice.

8. HOLY CALAMITY (BEAR WITNESS II) (FEAT DJ QUEST & DJ SHADOW)
Best track on the album, hands down. Just listen to it. I would argue it is a rare case of the sequel surpassing the original.

9. CALLING THE BIZ (FEAT BIZ MARKIE)
Pointless. But it is funny to hear Biz Markie sing in a Bee Gees voice once. And then never again.

10. THE PROJECTS (P JAYS) (FEAT DEL THA FUNKEE HOMOSAPIEN & DAVE FROM DE LA SOUL)
Probably my second favourite. Love that bass and harmonica combination. Trugoy and Del have fun with the concept, discussing their problems with living in the 'hood, but the image of Del in a La-Z-Boy in a thong is not appealing in any way. Funny story: back when I first heard this it took me until the second chorus to figure out that when they said "P Jays" they meant "projects". I swear I've grown since then.

11. SUNSHINE (FEAT FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI, JOSH HADEN, MONEY MARK, PAULA FRAZER, & SEAN LENNON)
Am I wrong? The sample at the beginning seems to suggest a song that never turns up. I feel like it was knocked unconscious, tied up with duct tape, stuffed in the janitor's closet and replaced by this, the most boring song in the whole world. It sounds like something Air would toss off before they get to making real music. And how does it take so many people to make such crap? Unbelievably, they actually chose to release this as a single. (Conversely, I love “Sunshine” and didn't like “Holy Calamity (Bear Witness II)” all that much. And so it goes.)

12. MODELING SUCKS
The second instrumental/skit. Better than the first, and as a bonus, the Automator has survived yet another day.

13. TORCH SONG TRILOGY (FEAT SENSATIONAL)
I find the sample (from a film? TV show? Not really sure) at the beginning oddly comic, but I have no idea where it comes from. I liked this, and still do. Sensational appears to be well wasted, but does a decent job with a beat which sounds like the cousin of the “Magnetizing” and “Waterworld” brothers. Fortunately, it's the slightly cooler cousin whom those two look up to. Paul and Automator finally learn that (with very few exceptions) an understated beat with a solo MC usually means the song should not go on for more than four minutes.

14. THE RUNWAY SONG (FEAT KID KOALA)
Weird. I always wonder if I'm playing this at the right RPM. Then I remember that it's a CD, and I wonder if they were. Not a bad track, but some of Kid Koala's scratching seems to get lost in a slightly muddy mix a couple of minutes in. I don't know who to blame for this, so I'll just blame everybody.

15. MEGATON B-BOY 2000 (FEAT ALEC EMPIRE & EL-P)
This is messy as hell, but I have a soft spot for noisy, shouty stuff like this. The beat reminds me slightly of Mr. Oizo's “Flat Beat”, just played through some slashed speakers or something. It might sound weird, but I bought Fantastic Damage by El-P on the basis of this. While I don't really see why I decided to do that any more, I'm glad I did because that album is good.

16. FATHER SPEAKS (FEAT FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI)
A decent way to end the album, as it makes it sounds like there was actually some sort of concept the whole time. The shame of this is that they really ran with the whole 'modeling school' theme for White People, the desperately inferior sophomore effort. For now, Guido's “improvisation” should raise at least a smirk, but you've probably stopped listening to the album by now anyway.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Has the album held up? I know that no matter how much I tell myself it has, it isn't really as brilliant as I once thought. Most of the artists that appear here have done better things on their own, but despite some dodgy moments (which will always turn up on collaboration albums) the album as a whole hangs together pretty well; you can tell these people were enjoying themselves while making it. Also, the list of artists on here and the variety of songs means that this should be a good introduction to hip hop for those that have no frame of reference.

BUY OR BURN? You should definitely buy this. Then, you should recommend to a friend who is skeptical and/or ignorant of hip hop that he/she borrow it and listen to it. Who knows, maybe they'll buy it and do the same. And so on. Then, through your action, you will be spreading hip hop throughout the world. Which sort of makes you a prophet.

BEST TRACKS: “Rock And Roll (Could Never Hip Hop Like This)”, “Look At This Face (Oh My God They're Gorgeous)”, “Once Again (Here To Kick One For You)”, “The Truth”, “Holy Calamity (Bear Witness II)”, “The Projects (P Jays)”, “Modeling Sucks”

-CJD

(Be sure to leave your comments below. Here's a link to my original post, if you're so inclined.)