Onyx - Triggernometry (August 12, 2003)

A quick rundown of Onyx’s career before I trash the group’s fifth full-length, Triggernometry:

During a journey that transpired just a bit over a decade, the rap group Onyx stumbled upon more highs and lows than most artists experience in several lifetimes. Since releasing their first twelve-inch single, “Ah, And We Do It Like This”, through Profile Records in 1990, they’ve undergone both roster expansions and reductions; lost a founding member to lymphatic cancer (R.I.P. Big DS); lost their original producer in a failed drug deal (R.I.P. B-Wiz); lost their mentor in a still-unsolved murder (R.I.P. Jam Master Jay); powered through multiple label transitions (from Profile to Def Jam Records, after which the group bounced to the Koch graveyard and then D3 Entertainment, which is somehow held in even less esteem than Koch/eOne ever was); sold over one million copies of their debut full-length Bacdafucup, even with the word “fuck” blatantly included in the album title; stumbled into successful acting careers outside of the group (at least for the two primary rappers, Fredro Starr and Sticky Fingaz); and secured at least one legitimate hip hop classic, a song that will forever receive airplay in clubs and during old school flashback radio shows, with their ubiquitous “Slam”.

Sales-wise, Bacdafucup was the peak of Onyx’s power, with each subsequent project finding an ever-diminishing audience, even with the A-list ringers brought on to their third effort, Shut ‘Em Down, in an effort to goose the numbers. After being shown the exit by Def Jam Records, who was then deep into their transformation from legendary hip hop label into commercial dumpster fire, the trio of Fredro, Sticky, and the quieter-by-comparison Sonny Seeza looked to Koch Records, a safe haven for artists seemingly past their prime, for the unfortunately-titled Bacdafucup Part II, which was doomed from the start: there is no fucking way it could ever have lived up to the promise of its apparent direct predecessor, so it’s like these guys were setting themselves up for failure there.

Triggernometry, another horrible album title, was released in 2003 by D3 Entertainment, which, at the time, was a distributor for projects by artists that every other label in existence had given up on. At the time, they were known for releasing albums from well-known, but apparently not-very-marketable, names such as Spice 1, Sunz of Man, MC Eiht, a then-incarcerated Ol’ Dirty Bastard, and, well looky there, both Sticky Fingaz and Fredro Starr, each of whom recorded solo efforts for the label prior to Triggernometry’s existence.

The purpose of Triggernometry is twofold. On one hand, it presents newly-recorded Onyx tracks produced by something called Kronic Tones, whose only other credits I could locate appear on Fredro Starr’s Don’t Get Mad Get Money, so at least there’s a tiny bit of precedent here for the partnership, I guess. On the other, far more fascinating sequin-gloved hand, Triggernometry features Sticky Fingaz and Fredro Starr (with Sonny Seeza chiming in occasionally, I think: I honestly can’t remember as I write these paragraphs) reminiscing about Onyx’s storied legacy, telling stories about their career and revealing secrets like hardened veterans who no longer have to prove anything to anyone, throwing their peers under the bus with ease.

Triggernometry alternates between quasi-documentary interviews and music every other goddamn track, which makes for a disorienting listen, but honestly, if you’re the type of person that would ever want to seek this shit out anyway, you’ll only give a shit about the interludes, of which there are many. The actual songs may as well have been blank audio tracks, that’s how much impact they leave on the audience. It’s little wonder why Triggernometry never comes up in conversation even when said conversation is exclusively based around Onyx’s career – it’s best to pretend this album doesn’t even exist.

Shit, I may have shown my hand just now.

1. TRIGGERNOMETRY INTRO

Triggernometry is one of those albums where the artists involved feel the need to over-examine and romanticize their past, exaggerating the significance of certain events. This album is going to suuuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkk.

2. GUN CLAP MUSIC

The Kronic Tones instrumental absolutely ruins this song, as it sounds too upbeat and poppy or Onyx to have ever approved without being compromised somewhat, but Triggernometry is clearly canon, so here we are. It’s too bad, because “Gun Clap Music”, less the generic chorus, is actually fairly clever in its own right: Fredro, Sonny, and Sticky Fingaz all take liberties with verses lifted from different artists’ songs (Biggie’s “Who Shot Ya?”, Big Pun’s “Still Not A Player”, and 2Pac’s “Keep Ya Head Up”, respectively), shifting the focus of each to the topic of guns and gun accessories, and they run with it, by gum, with all three doing a not-terrible job adhering to the theme. Adopting the cadences of each rapper will likely cause the listener to subconsciously rap along like B.I.G. or Pun in their heads, which couldn’t have been the desired result, but in paying homage to the type of rap music they wish to “fuck”, “Gun Clap Music” could have matched Onyx at their creative peak. No lie. @ me. It’s just too bad the beat is so fucking awful.

3. JMJ

R.I.P. Jam Master Jay. That’s all I have for this interlude.

4. STICK UP
Well, this was terrible. “Stick Up” completely undoes any potential offered in “Gun Clap Music”, but keep in mind that “Gun Clap Music” wasn’t exactly what anyone would call a “good song”, either. Working around an awful instrumental, one that must have cost the trio roughly seven bucks split three ways, and an uncredited vocalist singing what can only be described as a “chorus” paving over Diana Ross’s “Love Hangover”, but about robbing motherfuckers (and it is just as awful as that description makes it sound), Fredro and Sonny both turn in nigh-generic, violent verses praising the act of sticking someone up. Great, wonderful, highly original, guys. Bleh. Sticky Fingaz uses his mic time to rap-speak instructions to the listener, teaching you how to effectively rob and steal, which was, admittedly, a better, more interesting direction to take this shit, but it still wasn’t very memorable, except for how much like ass it sounds. Alas.

5. DEF SCAMS

Title aside, our hosts don’t spend any time dissing or dismissing Def Jam Records during this interlude, which was weird, because their former label is completely deserving of any and all criticism. Then again, up to this point in the group’s career, all of their best work has had the Def Jam logo on the back cover, so maybe they weren’t actively trying to fuck up a steady income consisting of “Slam” royalty checks. I’m just saying.

6. STREET IS US (FEAT. T HUSSLE)

Pretty confusing, really. Our hosts talk their street shit four bars at a time, passing around the microphone as a bit of a nod to the old school, but T Hussle’s chorus quickly negates all of this by making “Street Is Us” about how your girlfriend wants to go home with the three of them instead of you, because somehow preaching aggression and violence makes them “appealing”, “relatable”, and “fuckable”, as opposed to “an exciting challenge for a therapist”. The clubby instrumental is also entirely out of place in Onyx’s discography, and I say that knowing Shut ‘Em Down had its fair share of radio-friendly efforts. None of the shit-talking and threats on “Street Is Us” holds up to any amount of scrutiny, either. I’m just going to assume that Triggernometry was recorded while guns were held at the temples of our hosts. That’s the only possible excuse I’m willing to entertain.

7. THE SOURCE AWARDS

I did chuckle when the group’s story about firing live rounds at the Source Awards veers into a tale about touring with Suge Knight and various artists from the Death Row Records roster, the focus quickly shifted back to the awards just so Firestarr can say, “Fuck The Source.” But trust me, it was a half-hearted chuckle at best. So are we to assume that the boys in Onyx legitimately have nothing bad to say about Suge, or were they also terrified of the man, just like everyone else in hip hop was at the time? Discuss.

8. WILD N HERE

This was so laughably horrible that I have to believe D3 didn’t sign Onyx as much as they just outright purchased the rights to the group’s band name, and the only way Sticky Fingaz and company could ever get it back was in exchange for one album in lieu of monetary compensation. I mean, “Wild N Here”, incredibly shitty chorus and all, is so terrible that none of these guys could have ever assumed that someone would voluntarily pay money for it, right? If you listen closely to this poppy concoction, you can almost hear the disgust in the voices of Fredro, Sonny, and Sticky, their absolute rage that they’d been coerced to half-ass some horseshit just to meet an album quota. Unrelated: whoever recorded the chorus shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a recording studio for the rest of time. That is all.

9. ’93 FLEX

Unsurprisingly, this interlude, where the trio fondly remember the first time they heard “Throw Ya Gunz” on the radio, with deejay Funkmaster Flex dropping his trademarked bombs all over it, is more exciting for the artists than it is the listener.

10. O.N.Y.X. (REMIX) (FEAT. GENOVESE)

This is a remix to an unreleased track (one that later ended up appearing on the compilation Cold Case Files: Murder Investigation), which is quite the bad look for Onyx, as Kronic Tones’s instrumental is the complete antithesis of what the camp even stands for. I have to believe Fredro, Sticky, and Sonny had no idea what Kronic’s tones would ultimately sound like, because otherwise the production throughout is such a mismatch with the source material (read: Onyx) that it’s similar to a doomed May-December romance. Which is a shame, since Fredro and Sticky, along with guest Genovese (Sonny sits this one out, as he does for most of the remainder of Triggernometry. Smart man), actually turn in decent performances. Mr. Fingaz, in particular, offers up some terrifying imagery, describing smoking a blunt while wearing a gas mask, so at least how writing game was still on point. But yeah, this remix sucks otherwise.

11. WU DA COMPETITION

Sticky getting riled up at the thought of his younger self battling Method Man and Ol’ Dirty Bastard, back when the Wu-Tang Clan first started making noise, made me laugh, at least. The guy is very passionate about his craft, even if the album this interlude appears on does its best to prove otherwise.

12. OVER (FEAT. BEGETZ)

There are better examples of how bleak, violent lyrics can be stripped of any sense of urgency or fear when paired with a generic, shitty loop, but aside from the rest of Triggernometry thus far, none come immediately to mind. “Over”, a song whose title is derived from a hook performed by yet another uncredited vocalist, is almost comical in how Fredro Starr and guest spitter Begetz try to appear menacing while the beat skips double-dutch in the background. This song was fucking horrible, folks. Sticky Fingaz makes a valiant attempt to save it during the third stanza, but even the permanent growl in his voice won’t scare you into being frightened of the aural equivalent of the Tik Tok Cat from the days of yore, even if all these guys are talking about on “Over” are the myriad ways they plan on robbing and murdering you. Sigh. (And yes, that Tik Tok Cat reference is a clue as to how long I’ve been sitting on this write-up. Feel free to add it to the mythology.)

13. B.I.G.

I, for one, was excited to hear about this mysterious collaborative track featuring Onyx, Treach, Jesse West, and The Notorious B.I.G. that is described here, even though our hosts are so bad at selling the public on it that they may as well be trying to tell us that the COVID-19 outbreak has been handled and that it’s safe for us to all go back to work again. (That’s a reference I added well after the fact to keep things timely. Enjoy!)  But then again, I’m a rap nerd that likes listening to shit that was never released, so this isn’t much of a shock. I mean, I certainly don’t want to hear it because I think it could be good. (We were all granted our collective wish eleven years later, when the song finally saw the light of day on Onyx’s Cold Case Files Vol. 2, but we’re not even close to that part of the group's story yet.)

14. LOOK DOG (FEAT. X1)

As Triggernometry wears me down, it becomes more obvious that Fredro and Sticky Fingaz rushed the project in order to honor a contractual obligation (Sonny not so much, as he’s barely appeared thus far), with very little attention paid to whether or not their aggressive shirt-talking even fit the backing tracks provided. I mean, are you going to attend a live show hoping that Onyx performs “Look Dog” anytime soon? Fuck no you’re not, this song sucks. So I’m not sure how these guys ever believed that Triggernometry could help further their legacy, when what it did was likely accelerate the group’s decline, which they still haven’t really recovered from regardless of the moves they’ve made in the hip hop underground as of late. “Look Dog” does feature Sticky’s late brother X1, who actually raps like he gave a damn in the studio, so at least this wasn’t a total loss, even though you two will never listen to Triggernometry to find out for yourselves. Not that I would ever encourage that type of behavior, of course.

15. IRV DA A&R

…

16. DA NEXT N----S PT. 2

Proving that the members of Onyx have primal urges that extend far beyond the need to scream at anything and anyone in their path, “Da Next N----s Pt. 2” is a graphic sex rap, a sequel to, of all things, a throwaway album cut from way back on 1993’s Bacdafucup. The Kronic tones aren’t great, but at least the beat doesn’t sound super-shiny, and Fredro, Sonny, and Sticky all seem to be enjoying themselves while spitting about blowjobs and they fuck buddies sleeping with other women, whatever. This shit is misogynistic as fuck, but that viewpoint is mostly contained to this lone audio track, and Triggernometry is a rap album, so this was bound to happen at some point. Not safe for work or a car ride with your kids, but it certainly could have been much worse.

17. RAPPERS IN FLICKS

I don’t care so much about how Fredro and Sticky would up having successful Hollywood careers – we already know all of that. What I do want to hear more about is how Sticky Fingaz would up selling a gun to Mekhi Phifer, a subject he briefly mentions but abandons, as though he believed nobody would actually want to hear about that.

18. CHAMPIONS (FEAT. X1)

There are only so many ways I can say that a song on Triggernometry is trash, right? But this time around, even Sticky Fingaz sounds fucking terrible, adopting a sing-song flow that truly doesn’t suit him, so that was new, but still uninteresting.

19. HOLLA BACK 50

You mean to tell me that Curtis Jackson’s rap persona is entirely manufactured and that he wasn’t really close with Onyx when he recorded a guest verse for 1998’s “React”? Spill that tea, Firestarr!

20. MAMA CRYIN’ (FEAT. BAD LUCK, BEGETZ, DIRTY GETINZ, & X1)

I’m not entirely certain that I find “Mama’s Cryin’” to be the best track on Triggernometry simply because it signifies that I’m almost done with this bullshit, or if it’s actually good. Perhaps my mind has finally snapped. (It was bound to happen eventually.) I mean, it certainly isn’t “good” good, but it isn’t bad, either, and it is enjoyable enough to listen to. Over a Kronic Tones instrumental that sounds like some actual thought may have been put into it, Sticky Fingaz and a motley crew of weed carriers tackle boasts-n-bullshit with excitement and, at least for everyone not enrolled in Onyx, a sense of having something to prove. Sure, the beat sounds a lot like knockoff Scott Storch, and yes, it would have made more sense for some of this shit-talk to have come from the mouths of our host group, but at this point, I’m just happy that we’re sort-of ending on a high-ish note.

21. TRIGGERNOMETRY OUTRO

Anticlimactic as all get-out.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Fuck this album.

Ugh. Fine.

Triggernometry plays like the dying collective breath of a rap group whose relevancy in our chosen culture had expired several years prior, but you just left them in the fridge because you were too lazy to throw them out and besides, they weren't stinking up the place so what harm could it cause? There is almost nothing on here that even remotely suggests that Onyx was, at one point, a force to be reckoned with, whether it was with club bangers such as “Slam” or their incredibly underrated sophomore LP All We Got Iz Us. Instead, we end up with a duo (since Sonny doesn’t really factor here) that merely sounds tired, as though both Fredro Starr and Sticky Fingaz were forced to record every song featured here in a three-hour period under penalty of, I don’t know, their Hollywood agents dropping them? I don’t mean to imply that these two were more focused on their acting careers in 2003, but come on, they were more focused on their acting careers in 2003, and the musical output proves it. The fact that Kronic Tones was tasked with handling all of the production on Triggernometry reads to me like Onyx didn’t give two shits about what any of this sounded like, opting to run with an unproven beatmaker just to fulfill the terms of a contract neither man wanted to be a part of in the first place.

The interludes are the most interesting parts of Triggernometry, but honestly you don’t need to ever listen to Triggernometry in order to suffer through them: if anything, Firestarr and Sticky need to hurry up and get to work on a Beastie Boys Book-style autobiography, so that they can fully flesh out the tales they tease at on here. They would likely sound much more inspired in that medium than they do on this garbage, which I have no doubt they’d prefer be deleted from the universe’s hard drive as soon as possible. Again, fuck this album. If you have any fond memories of Onyx, you’ll avoid this one at all costs, lest your feelings grow polluted with the toxic waste that is Triggernometry.

BUY OR BURN? No.

BEST TRACKS: “Mama Cryin’”. What, you’re shocked there isn’t more than just the one song listed here? Did you even read the review?

-Max

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There’s more to read regarding Onyx, although after this travesty I’m not convinced you’ll have the stomach for it.

-Max